


The Needle Tears A Hole

by Zeds_Dead_Reader (Zeds_Dead)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Art, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Food, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Lonliness, Loss, Love, Love Story, M/M, Mental Instability, Past Suicide, Protectiveness, Reader-Insert, Revenge, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sorrow, Stalker Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Tattooed Reader, Tattoos, Travel, Triggers, Violence, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:58:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6228418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeds_Dead/pseuds/Zeds_Dead_Reader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living alone after the passing of your parents, life plodded along day by day. You had a group of close friends around to rely on but sometimes it felt like something was missing. Something more you could be giving.</p><p>Over the past four years, the already low opinion of yourself had sunk even lower, sending your mind into bouts of deep depression polarised by moments of complete crazy joy. Immersing yourself in your artwork, you began to withdraw from daily routines, living in your head, until one day.</p><p>The day he walked in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This was the first ever reader fanfic I wrote, and I wasn't very happy with it so am totally reworking it. It might still suck though! 
> 
> Originally posted under my other deleted account, I'm moving everything over here now, taking my works with me.
> 
> Please note - these are 100% mine from my other account, if you have read this work before, it would have been on my other username. I have not stolen this. 
> 
> Apologies for any weird symbols in the text, my phone is not the kindest for converting from one format to another...

Staring out of the window of your house, (e/c) eyes watched the sun setting on another day. Around the top floor studio were canvasses of various different sizes, some completed and others still works in progress. Each one contained a little piece of your soul, as if you had poured some very life essence into a mixing tray and brushed it on the creamy surface. With every work created, there was a relief. It was a way of easing the stress of the day, letting out emotions and forgetting about all the things that got you down. It was also a better system of dealing with the ever crippling depression than the method once used regularly - faint silvery marks on your arms and wrists a testament to the self hatred you felt at times, the attempts to punish your body. Eventually you had managed to control these feelings somewhat and very rarely did anything to outwardly harm yourself any more, but it was always a possibility.

These thoughts of loathing didn't often surface to those on the outside. Obviously, the group of closest friends knew of the intense struggles, but a regular passer by on the street or an acquaintance would have no idea unless they looked closely. You were very good at putting a mask on, keeping the demons at bay so to speak. This was another coping mechanism - if you had to be sweetness and light to the outside world, it became easier to start believing it too.

As the light dimmed in the room, you turned a lamp on to continue with the latest work. Sleeves rolled out of the way, you began to set up. Paints were laid next to each other, favourite brush to one side, music cranked up loud and huge glass of red wine in easy reach. Cigarette lit, you sighed. "Right. Let's do it". Working swiftly, strokes coming thick and fast, you switched off mentally and thoughts went back to four years ago.

Your parents had been going on a cruise, their gift to themselves for reaching the age of 50. Dad had done well, invested wisely in rising companies and their stocks and shares, so early retirement was easy for them considering the money he had built up. Dabbing red paint on the brush, you remembered waving them off at the side of the road as the car drove away to the station. They were to catch the train that would take them to the port and board their luxurious cruise ship which would be their home for two weeks. Dining, dancing and drinking, visiting foreign ports and sandy beaches.

Only they never made it to the ship. Or the port. The train they were taking was derailed, due to faulty signal equipment as it was later found out. They never stood a chance. The speed of the locomotive meant that as soon as the front carriage left the tracks, the rest followed and rolled down the bank of mud and rocks that the railway sat above. Shivering, you stopped that thought and downed three gulps of wine. Staring at the canvas, you frowned. "Shit." Without thinking, the brush had pretty much covered the whole space in vivid red strokes, painting over any work beneath. Groaning, you lit another cigarette. "Well, that's fucked." Shutting off the lights and music, you made the journey down two flights of stairs to the kitchen.

The house was not the place you grew up in with your parents; it had been too hard to remain there after they died. With your father's money all going to you as there were no siblings or any other family that were known of, you were able to live comfortably. The family home was sold and you had moved to a three storey house over the other side of town, not far from the hustle and bustle of the centre. You didn't need to work, but wanted to. It kept you busy and it was enjoyable, something you'd always wanted to do but never thought the bills could be paid with that profession. Tomorrow was a scheduled day, a realisation that made a light smile appear. You hadn't been in today, but someone was bound to have made a mess of your stuff.

Eren always created havoc in the place, you thought whilst pouring another glass of wine. Bloody trainees. Your mind wandered to the people you worked with, having been there for three years now and it was like a little family. The owner, Erwin, was like the dad of the group, Eren the petulant teen, constantly leaving a trail of destruction everywhere he went. Mikasa and Annie were both down to earth, taking no shit from anyone, but absolutely hilarious to work with. If there was a mother figure, it would be Hange. You had the kind of personality that tried to keep everyone happy. You'd still take the piss out of the others or join in any lewd discussions that happened daily, but underneath it all you felt the need to be a protector despite your own internal turmoil. Hange also cared immensely for all of you, but was a lot more of an extrovert, being the instigator of many a practical joke.

A buzzing phone broke the daydream. It was a text from Mikasa. "Whatcha up to? Back in work tomorrow?" Hitting the reply button, you tapped back that you were just chilling and would certainly see her in the morning. It was clear that she had wanted to maybe get together and go out tonight, perhaps to a bar or one of the small venues that had live music, however you were just not in the mood. After thinking about your parents earlier, there was no desire to socialise. You knew your friend would understand from the reply and wouldn't push the subject. Sure enough, a text came back. "No worries, see you tomorrow xx". Bless Mikasa, never the need to explain yourself. The two of you had known each other since childhood and a bond had formed instantly, ganging up together to defend yourselves from the bullies that were trying to steal lunch money in the school playground. You smiled at the memory of two boys, both older and larger than the friends, ending up on their asses covered in mud.

The wine in the glass had gone and you didn't feel like doing anything more with the day so decided to get to bed. Routine was standard; teeth, face, moisturiser and into the bedroom. Pulling clothes off, they were discarded in the basket to be washed at a later date and you stood in front of the mirror, examining the reflection. Every place you looked there was something not to like. Hair. Body. Face. With a small grunt of dissatisfaction, you decided to lay off the scrutiny and get into comfortable pyjamas, crawling into the large bed and it wasn't long before sleep crept in.

~~~~~~

The annoying beeping of an alarm shot through the room and with reticence, your figure groggily sat up rubbing at (e/c) eyes. Shuffling to the bathroom, you began the morning. Stepping out of the shower and getting dried with the fluffy black towel, thoughts went to the day ahead - it was good to be on the early shift as you couldn't be fucked with the drunkards that rolled in later on. It was Saturday, the busiest time of the week. Thinking about what to put on, you pulled up standard black knickers, matching bra in place and stuck your head out the bedroom window to gauge the weather. It was Autumn, a breeze was picking up and there was a couple walking hand in hand down the street, both wearing jackets which confirmed your thoughts at warmer attire today.

You felt a pang of sorrow and watched them chatting lightly, strolling with each other down the road with smiles on their faces. Fully aware that life wasn't defined by having someone by your side or being in a relationship, it still remained that you had a burning feeling in the pit of your stomach to think about how you had so much more to give in this life. Sure, you were in your mid twenties and had been in partnerships before, but none that lasted any time. None that really meant anything. A piece of your soul hurt with longing to give yourself to someone and vice versa, accepting and sharing one another. Not that anyone would want to be with me, you thought suddenly before the words could be stopped from entering your brain. Shaking your head briskly, trying to chase the thought away before it spiralled into anything more, you moved away from the window.

Attention was turned back to the clothing choice of the day. Dark blue skinny jeans and a plain black t-shirt were topped off with a favourite hoodie. Breakfast was standard, tea and toast with lots of butter. That was your weakness - you put butter on anything you could. None of that low fat spread shit, it tasted awful.

Munching, you began to wonder for the hundredth time why you felt the pull to be wanted and loved, to give that kind of attention back. Previously, you used to be quite content with your own company, however now there was a void in your life that made it impossible. Losing your only relatives had hit hard, as to be expected and you crawled inside, a part of your being seeping away with every breath you still drew. It was quite pathetic really, grief leading to that chasm which needed filling like some little girl who wanted a cuddle. The feeling of being alone lay heavy on your heart, manifesting in a rather loathsome desire to be required in someone's life. Weak and fragile, it was the residue that you'd been left with though and it wouldn't go away.

Dirty items went into the dishwasher and you checked your pockets. Keys, wallet, phone, cigarettes, patting yourself in what looked like a deranged dance that people would do at a 90's themed disco. Sighing heavily, you left the house and the breeze lapped at you. The hoodie had been a good idea. It was a pleasant feeling having the wind in your hair and the freshness that this time of year brought, but you had no desire to catch a chill. The walk to work took twenty minutes and you left behind leafy suburbia and entered the vibrant and chaotic roads of the city.

You loved the place for its character, the different people from all walks of life and the diversity that it offered. But you also liked to be able to leave it behind and go home at the end of the day and get away from it all. A group of teenagers sat on a bench to one side, music blaring from one of their phones, heads bobbing in unison. You recognised it as a song from quite a few years ago and smiled to yourself at how good music always came back around. A few more steps and work was reached, unaware of the eyes watching.

Pushing the door to the tattoo parlour open, the bell rang to announce your entry. Erwin looked up from the front desk he sat at and offered a warm smile. "Morning (F/N)," he almost sang. "Did you have a good day off yesterday?" The blonde spoke cheerfully whilst pouring you a black coffee from the machine. He was either insanely happy or terribly stern, a polarity which gave him a slightly manic tone at times. You gratefully took the cup from him, your hands colder than you had anticipated.

"Yea, it was good thanks, not much going on but it's nice to have a rest now and again, you know?" He nodded sagely and was about to continue your conversation when the bell rang once more.

"Hello there Sir, what can we do for you today?" asked Erwin, his usual commanding voice booming through the studio. Whlile the two discussed the design that the rather nervous looking young man had brought in, you set about preparing your station for the day. As you had thought, Eren had indeed been working here yesterday. Small pots of indian ink sat haphazardly, a myriad of different colours all over the surface, out of their usually uniform place on the shelf. 

"For fuck sakes," you breathed whilst restoring order to your space. Carefully cleaning everything down with disinfectant, you arranged the seat to your liking.

During the morning you had a flurry of clients. The first-timer who came through earlier had wanted a snake tattooed on his foot, tail coming up and round the ankle. You had known it was going to hurt him, badly, what with all the bones in that part of the body. Surprisingly though, he sat well for you, no tears or complaining and he left a very happy customer. Talk of your talent as an artist had spread and often requests were made specifically, creating a waiting list at times. The work you did was satisfying, loving the way that people looked so thrilled with their tattoos when they left, marking them permanently with your intrusive drawings.

Earlier, a man sat at the café opposite, just as he had done for the past fortnight, sipping his drink slowly as grey eyes watched his friend's employee turn up for work. He knew some facts about her, not a whole lot tangible but something intrigued him. The way she sometimes shuffled into the studio, meek and shy; other times, the woman would stride in confidently, just like today. Erwin had mentioned a deep sorrow, one which he was not at liberty to discuss but it was obvious his new obsession had a troubled past, something that bothered him for some reason. She was attractive, an air of mystery swimming around her form and he sighed. Two weeks he'd been living here and on his first day of what was becoming habit, he had discovered the female. His job was self controlled, allowing the ability to do what could possibly be considered stalking by some, but in his world, this was perfectly acceptable.

Socially, he usually failed, blunt and offensive nature not lending itself to anything more than fleeting liaisons, a result of both his personality but also the disinterest he held for most of humanity. Until now. Not really sure as to why, he had become rather entranced by this person, the juxtaposition of her psyche plain to see by body language alone. Boredom was a normal emotion for the man, however his interest was piqued and he couldn't fully explain why. It wasn't just physical magnetism that drew him in, the pull of the enigma that surrounded an as yet unnamed woman held him strongly, a feeling that was alien to the normally emotionless man.

A slight view inside was allowed as he observed his old acquaintance greet the newcomer, faint tug of longing in his chest as the drink was finished. Stay or go? That was the choice, one which he struggled with almost daily. Yesterday had been a disappointment, Fridays seemingly devoid of the object of his desire but she was here now. Perhaps he would make the move later, finally take his friend up on the offer and visit the shop. Unnatural nerves surrounded that prospect; was he ready to finally meet the person he had looked upon from afar? Go for broke and see what this might entail? Maybe. Fuck knows it was doing no good just sitting here and watching. Perhaps it was time to bite the bullet and allow himself to be caught up in what would undoubtedly be an interesting whirlwind.

Your day continued, Mikasa and Annie arriving not long after you did and they also had their fair share of clients, leaving little time for the group to chat. Once you were working, the noise of the buzzing guns made it hard to hear each other. Before you realised what was going on, it was four in the afternoon and Hange had arrived to oversee the evening shift. Skipping into the back room, she shouted out. "Afternoon my lovelies, how's everyone doing this fine day?" You all smiled at her energy and the way she seemed to feed off life.

"I'm great Hange, glad to see you perky as usual." As you shot your response back to her, she draped her arms around your neck and gave you a massive wet kiss on the lips. Voice muffled from behind her face, all you could manage was a series of choked sounds, clawing for air. The other two women pissed themselves laughing, infinitely glad she had picked on you today and not them.

No one had heard the bell of the door ring throughout the laughs and you jumped at the voice that cut through the noise of music, guns and your muted cries for help. "I didn't think this was that kind of place, Erwin?" The tone was deep but not growling, almost silky and despite the scene he had walked in on, the person spoke as if totally disinterested in what was going on around him. Your eyes widened and you managed to break out of Hange's death grip, panting for air. You stuck your head around her to look at the man with the sultry purr and your already gasping lungs stopped working, breath caught in your throat.

Not normally one for swooning, you saw the man that stood in front of you was surprisingly hot. Goddamn smouldering. Ebony hair hung either side of his porcelain face, framing amazing cheek bones and a suggestion of an amazing body poked out above his black v neck top. He wore dark jeans and shoes and looked around with a bored stare in his eyes, taking it all in and then his gaze landed on you. Oh shit. Silvery orbs glinted as a small smirk pulled at his lips when he glared over, your hair messed up from Hange's attack, breathless and red faced as your jaw hung slightly open.

"Levi," said Erwin with a cough. "These are the artists I was telling you about. They're actually really talented, despite what first impressions may tell you." He glared at the four women that worked for him, burning holes in to all of you but especially Hange - he knew exactly who was to blame for the uproar.

"Oh Erwin, eyebrows, sweetie pie," she began, moving over to placate the now beetroot red studio owner. "It's only a bit of fun. The clients don't mind, do you boys?" Your friend gestured a sweeping arm to the two guys that Mikasa and Annie were working on.

"N-no, not at a-ouch!" offered one of the men, right as Annie had resumed working on the outline of his leg tattoo. Hange threw her head back and laughed kind heartedly at the poor man and turned once more to Erwin, placing an arm round him and speaking in hushed tones, ushering him out and no doubt trying to undo the trouble she was now in.

Your realised your mouth was still gaping whilst watching all of this and shut it promptly with a clack of teeth. Before you knew it, the black haired man was standing in front of you, smug smile from before still lingering on his face. Quickly, you tried to fix your hair and regain your composure, conscious of just how close he was standing. The others had gone back to concentrating on their work, leaving you and the interesting visitor to speak. "So, err, hi, ummm...." you began, whilst smoothing out the last of the stray strands on your head.

The man's smirk increased ever so slightly, but you noticed it. It made his otherwise exhausted, half-lidded expression light up and gave an insight into what he was like. He obviously knew Erwin and you began to wonder how they were linked. He didn't have any visible tattoos and your trail of thought wandered to your employer's previous job as a security officer and bouncer. The man in front of you was of small stature but even so, you couldn't imagine him being in that kind of work; he seemed too aloof, perhaps.

Suddenly you stopped your internal rambling, realising you'd done it again, gone introvert and living life in your mind. The man cocked his head to one side, looking at you like he was observing a small animal in a cage. You screamed internally as a light blush appeared on your cheeks. "Errr...." was all you could manage. Great. He must think I'm mute or something. You looked up into his eyes, the waning Autumn sun from the windows making them twinkle and shine, thinking how easy it would be to get lost in those grey pools.

Clearly away in your own world again, he made you flinch as he stuck his hand out whilst sitting on the tattoo bed in front of you, legs dangling off the side. You took his slender, delicate hand, his grip betraying the appearance. "I'm Levi, pleased to meet you....?" He introduced himself in the same drawling voice.

"(F/N)," you whispered before clearing your throat, unsure why you had gone so quiet all of a sudden. "It's good to meet you too, Levi". You smiled up at him with your usual warmth afforded to most people but the flush appeared on your cheeks once more.

He looked down, trying to size you up in those first few minutes. He found you even more interesting than from across the street and quite amusing to be honest, seeing as how he had first met the woman. Levi was aware of your reputation as an artist and he had not expected you to look like this underneath the thick jumpers you regularly wore. He had been expecting someone covered head to toe in tattoos. You had a few, but not as many as he would perhaps have counted on. Also, he noticed the faint but unmistakable markings on your arms. He had barely just met you properly but this made him feel an all too familiar sense of deep remorse. However mostly, the man's mind was fixed on the strange feeling he had when he first saw you two weeks ago. It was an unknown; of course there was the lust there, he was an often fiery male after all, but there was something else and that's what made you even more delectable to him than he could have possibly imagined.

"(F/N)..." he began. You hummed in acknowledgement, focussing once more on the whole man and not just his eyes.

"Erwin tells me your shift is nearly over. Would you like a drink? I'm new in town so I need someone to show me around the good bars, keep me away from the fucking dives." Tensing, your stomach cartwheeled. Grow up. Stop acting like a teenager. Composing yourself, you opened your mouth to reply to Levi.

"Of course, that sounds great after the busy day I've had. What sort of places do you like?" The man thought this over. Head first or toe in the water? The former. Fuck it.

"Somewhere as interesting as you."


	2. Conversations

Flustered by Levi's request, your mouth opened and closed to form an answer, looking like a fish gasping when taken out of water. At that moment as if to save you, Erwin and Hange returned from their conversation in the small back room. He looked a little dishevelled, a point that was not lost on you. The woman strode in without a second look, but the mischievous glint in her eye was evident as she shot you a wink. You'd long suspected, no, known that there was something between them, whether it was casual or serious, you weren't sure but were happy for them all the same.

Gathering his composure, Erwin spoke to the room as a whole. "Everyone, this is my good friend Levi." He motioned at the raven haired man that sat in front of you, still scrutinizing your form with piercing eyes and a small smile. "He's new to the area and wanted to come and say hi. (F/N), I see you two are already acquainted. I hope you don't mind, but I told him you were finishing soon and would show him around a bit?" Levi looked back at you, that same smugness remaining.

"Of course," you replied, smiling sweetly at your boss, not wanting to betray the thoughts that had just been running through your head about the mysterious man he had brought into your life. "Let me just get tidied up here and we can get going."

You set about clearing your station, meticulously placing each coloured ink in its correct place. Levi noticed this with amusement. Interesting and a tidy freak? Nice. Laughing inwardly, he recalled something that made any frivolity disappear, those marks he knew all too well; the same ghostly lines that he had seen on one of his close friends many years ago, a companion now lost to him because the torment had all become too much one day. Maybe this was a chance to stop someone else from making that choice, but he was also aware it could open the old metaphorical wounds that had never quite healed.

As you finished up, Erwin was making introductions to the others, Mikasa and Annie having finished with their latest clients. You heard snippets of conversation, not paying much attention as your mind whirred trying to think of where to take Levi. Your thought process displayed outwardly, frowns and then raised eyebrows appearing on your face as you mentally considered every bar and club you knew. From what you could hear, Hange already had a kind of relationship with Levi from before and you were aware that she and Erwin first met in your boss' bouncer days, the woman working in a bar that he was posted at. Perhaps Levi was a security guard after all? Or a bartender? Or a stripper? You stopped that brain dump as soon as it started, annoyed at yourself for becoming so interested in someone you had only just met.

Finishing up by throwing your needles, gloves and cloths in the nearby hazardous waste bin, you clapped your hands once in satisfaction at a job well done, sadly aware of the fact it would probably just get fucked up again. And as if on cue, in walked the trainee tattooist with his boyfriend Armin in tow. Ah, Armin. Such a cutie. You'd introduced the two, having met the blonde in the gym last year, back when you still bothered with that keeping fit shit. He was feminine in features, petite, but the most clever person you had crossed paths with and very, very sweet. Perfect to balance off Eren's sometimes harsh nature.

"Heyyyyy everyone, whats up?!" shouted the new comer, strutting into the studio like he owned the place. You rolled your eyes and smiled - only an apprentice, but he thought he was the absolute be all and end all of the tattoo world. Armin merely smiled at you all and nodded as eye contact was made, timid as ever. Brown hair and bright green eyes came closer and a body sat on your stool. Sorry, his stool now. Your shift was officially over.

"Eren," you warned. "You had better not fuck with my space again. I've just got it all back in order." He shot you his winning smile and held his hands up as if to say 'What, me?' Innocence was embodied in that one gesture and you couldn't help but grin, giving him a soft punch to the shoulder before joining the others.

The end of a conversation was in flow, with Mikasa and Annie talking about where they were going after work. By the sounds of it, they were headed back to the bar they went to last week as they had so much fun there, although you were sure it was nothing to do with the venue, more the company. They were rather coy about it but you were convinced the two of them were an item. The stolen glances, the looks, playful teasing. Smiling at the thought briefly, the same old dark voice started again, shattering the moment. Why is everyone else paired off? Why do they have someone and not me?

You cut the thought off before it could materialise into something more, angry for seeming so fucking needy. Pasting your happy mask on again, you addressed the group. "Ok, I'm outta here." Looking over at Levi with a raised eyebrow, you gestured towards the door of the tattoo studio. "I've thought of a few places you might like, all close together so not too much trudging around. But I must warn you, I'm starving so I need to eat first". As if to confirm that, your stomach growled, earning laughter from everyone around. You gave a bashful smile and zipped up your hoodie, ready to leave. Levi bid his farewells to the staff, as did you, but he lingered with Erwin for a few moments, hushed tones holding a quick chat.

A manly handshake between the two later and you were both outside in the cool evening air, orange sun moving its way down towards the horizon in a sleepy pace. It felt nice to be enveloped by the breeze again and you grabbed a cigarette from your pack, offering one to the man by your side. He accepted wordlessly and produced a lighter from his pocket almost out of nowhere, flame lit and passed over. You nodded in thanks and took a long drag, breathing out in a kind of release as you spoke. "That was a long day. What do you fancy to eat?" Again, a smirk slightly pulled at his lips and you started to wonder if he had a nervous twitch or something.

"Whatever the lady wants."

An hour later and you had finished off your food, almost forgetting you were in company as you leant back on your wooden chair, stretching and patting your stomach. Levi looked over at you with a combination of intrigue and mild disgust. "Tch." Remembering where you were, you sat up abruptly and a look of shock crept over your features, your mouth forming an apologetic circle.

"Oh my god Levi, I'm so sorry. I forgot where I was and I haven't eaten since breakfast and I was so hun....". He cut you off mid-apology by placing an elegant hand in the air, shaking it slightly as if to dismiss you, cutting off the babbling.

"No need to apologise (F/N), you've had a busy day." You smiled nervously, glad that you hadn't offended him.

"So..." you started. "I have a few places in mind, shall we go to the nearest?" He gave you one nod in approval and dabbed at his mouth delicately with his napkin. Such a gent, you mused and thought about how it was in stark contrast to your recent behaviour. Heading towards the first bar in your mental venue list, both smoking another cigarette, you felt your pocket buzz at a notification. Taking your phone out you opened your messages to see a new text from Hange. 'Enjoy your evening! *wink wink*' Smiling, you locked the device and put it away, not even thinking about justifying her message with a reply. Levi tilted his head to you.

"Something funny?"

"Oh, just Hange and her silly sense of humour." She was always trying to set you up with someone, knew you too well, your sense of needing to belong to someone, as stupid as that sounded - fuck, it made you seem so weak and damsel-in-distress, it was sickening. You felt that you were a strong person on the outside to everyone, but those closest to you knew the score. Imagining yourself as a princess in a tower, hand on head, wailing for a prince to come and save your frail form, you cringed. But on some level, that's who you were. Your friends were all paired off and you figured you just needed to have that closeness with someone.

Since your parents were cruelly ripped away from this world, you had a void that couldn't be described. You had tried to fill it with drink, pain, reckless behaviour, one night stands, emotionless relationships. But it didn't help. None of it. You had never considered hard drugs, the thought never appealed to you. Someone with an addictive personality like yours meant that would be a very dangerous road to go down. Sure, a bit of weed now and again, but you would never touch anything harder than that. Despite your self destructive actions at times, narcotics were never an issue.

You realised you were in your own dreams again and turned to your evening's companion with regret. "I'm sorry Levi, I just go off in my own world sometimes." He seemed to be considering the past few minutes of silence and formed a response in his head before answering.

"I already noticed that back at the studio. It's interesting." That threw you. Normally you would have been met with anger, distrust, indifference. Or, in one particular night out, someone walking off and leaving you mid-date.

"Oh, ok. Erm, thank you?" Again he waved his delicate hand as it to say forget about it.

You realised the destination had been reached, first place you had decided on and it was one of your favourites - a bar with stone floors, toilets that were awful and service verging on poor but they played good music, doors always producing an intriguing flow of people which suited your introverted thought process down to the ground. People-watching was a regular pastime of yours. Stepping in, you removed your hoodie as the warmth of heaters and bodies met you. Levi's face was not impressed, scouring his surroundings with a look like someone had just taken a shit in front of him.

"Hey, it's not too bad,'" you said whilst nudging his arm. "Give it a chance?" There must have been something in the way you looked up at him that pleaded, and he made a small "hmph" noise to say ok, but I'm not happy. Grinning widely you spotted a free table and sat down. "What can I get you to drink?" you asked your new found friend. Well, maybe friend was a bit far fetched but it would do for now.

"I'll get them." You smiled warmly and asked him for a glass of red wine, your poison of choice. He seemed surprised, probably putting you down as a beer drinker given your profession and made his way to the bar. Watching as he walked over, you saw his lithe body swaying in and out of the other revellers, deftly finding a place at the bar that got immediate service. There was something hypnotic about the way he moved, a predatory stalk that slid across the hard floor without seeming to take any steps. He seemed wholly disinterested, an exterior that was betrayed only slightly by his earlier smirks and the revelation that he found your dream state interesting. Why, you had no idea. Surely it was just a bit annoying?

Reaching to grab another cigarette out of the pack, you were halted, Levi appearing with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He produced one of his smokes and pointed it at you, mumbling as he pulled up his chair. "I owe you one." With a look of thanks, you took the item and again he lit it in a show of chivalry.

Time had strolled on along with drinks and light chat. You were still in the same bar on fuck knows how many bottles of wine and you felt the familiar buzz of alcohol through your body, but you weren't drunk - you were too much of a seasoned drinker, even at your age, to get hammered so soon. The feeling was what you liked to call 'merry', a state that encouraged verbal outpouring.

"No really, please, tell me what Erwin did?" The volume in the bar had increased and demanded shouting as the only conversational tone. He huffed a laugh. He was such a serious man and the small expression of humour just lit him up.

"I can't tell you that (F/N), he would literally kill me." It was said with such conviction that you burst out laughing, watched by a steely gaze that carefully made assumptions. Once you had calmed down from the last story, his face became thoughtful.

"(F/N)?" You looked up and smiled in response, as his face morphed into something you weren't sure of. Regret? Shame? Embarrassment? "Can I ask you a personal question?" Oh shit. This sounds bad. And you knew he was only 'merry' too, maybe not even that, no slurring or anything. In fact, you pegged him as a bit of a regular drinker too.

"Um, ok?" He leaned in so you could hear each other over the music. Yes, music. You'd forgotten that was the only reason you brought him here. Normally you would have been jumping around the place, singing along at the top of your lungs but this was a different night. Different to any you'd had before, somehow. You were with someone you met just hours ago but felt prepared to answer any question he had. Trust. That was it. Levi seemed trustworthy to you for some reason, a trait found in few people these days. Maybe it was his no-nonsense demeanour, or the way he looked at you with such close consideration. Whatever it was, there was an air of ease about the way you had been talking so far.

"Have you stopped hurting yourself?" Colours whirred around you, people in the crowd blurred and a cold sweat crept over your body, producing goosebumps. You were't proud of what you had done, what you occasionally inflicted upon yourself and you hated others noticing. But when they did, it was usually to berate you, tell you how stupid you were and pull your damaged mind down further so you weren't prepared for this. He looked so serious, filled with sorrow. Bringing yourself together mentally, you looked back up at him.

"Mostly." That was the best and only honest answer you could give. He nodded and without thinking straight, reached a finger out to your arm, rubbing the pad of his digit gently up the reminders of past distress. Instinctively you flinched back, limbs under the table at being called out on it so brazenly. Levi's attitude to this was strange, aware almost and you realised something - it wasn't just to do with you.

"Sorry. But you know you don't need to do it." His words were so quiet but commanding at the same time. It took you aback, how this practical stranger could seemingly worry so much. Throwing your usual caution on the subject away, you frowned and spoke with a sympathetic tone.

"Does someone close to you do it too?" It could have been overly private, a step too far and you clenched your teeth, waiting for an answer to the supposition. Something flashed across his expression, pain and sadness and you regretted it instantly. "Don't answer that. I was stupid, I shouldn't have…"

"Yes. They did." Past tense. Silver eyes remained steady, holding back any emotion that had been evident in his voice so you couldn't get a read on the situation.

"I'm sorry Levi. Maybe I should go." Not wanting to bring up any more bad memories, you suggested the break in this evening's outing. A shake of the head met your offer.

"Don't apologise. I fucking brought it up. Change of subject?"

"Agreed." Smiling lightly, you sipped the deep red wine and sighed as he followed suit.

The two of you stayed like that a while, soaking up each other's silence, enjoying the company. Looking down at the table, a remorse crawled into your heart, feeling awful that you had upset this intriguing man with your silly, intrusive question. He read you like a book. Tapping the table with his lighter, he spoke lowly. "Let's get out of here." It wasn't a request or suggestion, it was more of an order. Seeing his now placid face warmed your heart and you shot a grin back at him.

"Sounds fun."

Feeling lifted, you ran out of the bar into the cold night air, laughing and smiling widely. The two of you crossed the busy road, dodging traffic and you skipped down the street towards the club you knew well. Levi smirked at the way the woman had changed from introverted to euphoric in the space of a few minutes, something that happened unexpectedly for you. He recognised the shift in behaviour as a familiar one, polar opposites of mood that used to grip his friend, all of this adding to his growing interest.

Rounding another turn, you saw a small queue which was formed outside. "Tch." Levi tutted when he laid eyes on the row of six or seven people waiting to gain entry and you smiled, leading him towards the door, bypassing your fellow revellers. 

"(F/N)!" shouted one of the bouncers and you grinned warmly, glad that Ymir was on duty today. The two of you hugged briefly before her eyes moved over to the dark haired man at your side. Her eyebrow raised suggestively and you elbowed her in the ribs, giggling. "Long time no see! Here, let me stamp your hands, no need to be standing out here in the cold seeing as you're a valued customer." Exchanging farewells, you left her on the roadside and took Levi down the stairs into the main room of the club, dropping your jumper off at the cloakroom, glad to be rid of it in the heat of the building.

Walking through the mass of people gyrating and grinding to pounding music, almost getting blinded by strobe lights, you took your companion for the night to a quieter bar at the back, more chance of being able to hear each other in the dimly lit area.

Sitting comfortably at the stools, you pulled your seat closer to Levi's so you could converse without needing to shout. A delicate hand hailed the bartender, ordering two drinks and in seconds the cocktails were placed in front of you, milky mixture which smelt like rum. Smiling in thanks, you sipped at the thick and flavoursome liquid, a nod letting you know it was his pleasure. You both turned in your seats to watch the crowds moving around, dancing like one huge sentient being, all in time to the beat, the dirty bass of the music vibrating through your bones. He leaned over to you, offering a cigarette and lit it deftly for you again. "This place is...interesting." The smooth voice spoke into your ear, tickling and sending a faint shiver across your skin. Laughing, you took in the sight before you.

"That's one word for it!" Drinks in hand, again you enjoyed the peace and realised that he was a man of few words. That suited you just fine, but a feeling of excitement had overcome your soul, a spark which wouldn't leave you alone. Without really being in control of your actions, nonsense spilled from your lips as you shuffled in restless motions on the stool, wriggling like you had an itch. You chatted utter shit, total drivel in unending sentences. Actually, you might have even talked about literal shit, you had no idea and rarely paused for breath.

To anyone watching, it would look like some crazy woman attempting to pick up the guy by her side, failing miserably if his face was anything to go by. Levi stared forwards, elbow on the bar and legs crossed, expression one of pure disinterest. In reality, he was listening intently, smiling inside as the man began to realise why this female had intrigued him so much. Obviously whilst watching from across the road, none of this would have been evident, only the way your posture changed by the day and the inane, chirping soliloquy only added to his presumptions. You reminded him of someone, a person he had held dear in the past, another human in this usually dreary world that he liked to be in the presence of.

They hadn't been lovers, nowhere near, more like family and he sighed. He missed his friend deeply, all the years never dulling the pain but maybe here was a chance to become close to another again. The way your face lit up with glee as the rambles continued was adorable and he replayed the short time you had been acquainted, the shift in emotions. You'd gone from timid to polite, caring to elated. Levi felt a strange pull, one which brought his protective nature out and he shook his head slightly, questioning himself. Why do I always relate to these kind of people? Is it all because of my lost comrade? No. That wasn't right. Glancing over, he saw the frown and also the empty glass and tried to get a word in. "(F/N)?"

"…and that's why Easter's always on a different day every year. How can they say someone rose from the dead but, oh, not on a specific fucking day, just this one we pick because of…"

"(F/N?)" He spoke gently and with patience, well aware of how to deal with this.

"…must think we're stupid…shit, sorry, did you say something?" The unreadable face next to you stared, a slight flash in his eyes the only sign of life.

"Would you like another?" Looking down at the empty vessel, you swallowed, mouth dry from all the talking.

"Yes please, I'd love one, thank you. But do you know what they put in these? It's like an adult milkshake, they should sell it in cartons with straws, how cool would that be? I'd pay for that shit. Hey, maybe I should do that, set up my own business…" Levi let you continue and ordered two more, still paying close attention as your whole personality seemed to flow out. Well, this side of it anyway.

Another hour passed and the onslaught of chatter started to subside, the high leaving as it always did, residual ecstasy withering away as mumbled words ended the mammoth session. "So…yea. That's kind of, yea." You didn't really know what to say, aware that you'd assaulted his ears for a very long time and had no idea how to even justify that kind of behaviour, especially as you were now back to standard - slightly awkward yet friendly. The man just stayed still, eyes trained on you and a small glimmer of movement tugged at the corner of his lips.

"So we've established you're more than likely an atheist, enjoy White Russian cocktails and want to sky dive one day?"

"Sorry Levi, I…I get carried away." Giggling nervously, you finished the remainder of the drink and shrugged. There was no way this guy would ever want to be subjected to this shit again. First night out in the new city and driven insane. However, there was something about his features that seemed, well, interested.

"To be honest, it was pretty fucking amusing."

"Thanks, glad you find me funny." You were only mildly serious, his reaction had been unexpected.

"Don't mention it." He cast his gaze around, crowds thinning and checked the time. "It's getting late." You nodded. Was that a way to escape? Or just a statement? Groaning internally, you hoped it was nothing, your innate need to keep people happy shining through as you worried about causing him offence or discomfort. Actually, you were pretty exhausted and the effects of the alcohol were making you even more tired. Looking over at Levi, he saw the fatigue on your face along with the evident come-down and knew exactly what to do. "Time to go."

Stepping out in to the cool night air, it hit you like a ton of bricks and sobered you up instantly. "Fuck that's cold." Your house was a ten minute cab ride away and you realised you hadn't a clue where the man lived. Asking the question, he gave you the name of his street. "That's five down from me. Small world, eh?"

"Seems so." He raised a hand to call a taxi and held the door open for you, ladies first. Giving the driver two respective destinations, the car pulled away on the short and silent journey. Your eyes were getting heavy, soothing motion of the vehicle rocking gently and lids closed slowly without warning. Snapping your head up, you realised the trip was over and saw the building that was home, quick snooze rendering you momentarily confused. "Wakey wakey." The deadpan growl brought you to the here and now and you smiled lightly.

"Sorry. Here." Shuffling around for your wallet, a small snort met the action and you looked up, grey eyes locked onto yours.

"No, let me. Least I can do seeing as you indulged my need for a night out."

"Thanks Levi. I'll see you around?" A nod was given in reply and you exited, closing the door gently and watching them drive away. Sighing, you let yourself in to the empty house, ears ringing from the noise of the club and an odd buzz running through your body as you got ready for bed. He certainly didn't seem that pained by your odd nature, but that niggling thought wouldn't leave - you'd probably never see the dark haired man again.

Five streets away, Levi lay in bed, deep under the sheets due to the drop in temperature, hands laced behind his head. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering just what was happening. Was it a good idea to follow a trail that might end in dragging up painful memories? Fuck knows he had enough of those, perfectly capable of bringing them to the surface himself. So why would this be a bad thing? He wasn't one for emotions, keeping everything deep inside. But this was different for some reason. Smirking, he closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep thinking of the woman he had finally built up the courage to approach after two, long weeks.


	3. Surveillance

Here he was again. Tea. Newspaper. Same table. Same scowl. Silver eyes watched the woman arrive for work, later today as it was Sunday hours, shop not opening until twelve. She seemed smaller, hunched over and mild. Levi was too far away to see any facial expressions and he frowned deeper. It wasn't a nice sight, one he'd viewed before but this time it was made all the worse because of how vibrant she had been last night. Placing his cup down gently, he pressed his lips together and began to make up stories in his head. Maybe she hadn't enjoyed herself in his company after all, regretted spending so much time with a stranger? Perhaps she was angry at how he had been so bold? Touched her? Or it could be none of those things.

Sighing, he poured another drink from the pot and stared over as the door to the studio opened then closed, swallowing up the person on his mind once again. Should he go in? No, too soon. That would seem a bit sinister. Huffing through his nose, he shook his head and looked down into the dark liquid, swirls slowing and settling into a deep brown sea of placid water. If she knew what he'd been doing for a fortnight, sinister wouldn't quite cut it. Sipping delicately, the warm beverage took the edge off the day's breeze and he checked the time. If routine prevailed, the woman would be out again in about two hours for a smoke. Better not be here at that point, he thought. That would be beyond awkward.

"Hi (F/N)! How was your evening? I hope Levi didn't grate on you too much, he can be rather, well, blunt?" A mug of black coffee was passed over and you nodded your thanks, warming cold hands yet again on the china. Taking up position on the high stool at the counter, you smiled grimly.

"Oh Erwin, it was awful." Drink to one side, you lay your arms on the surface and sunk your head down on top of them, groaning softly.

"Why? What happened? What did he do?" A look of rage crossed his face, eyebrows knitted together and you raised your gaze. This was an expression you saw rarely, one bourne of protection and righteous strength. The blonde had known his friend for years and whilst they were close, as close as the pale man now got to anyone, he was also aware of his behaviour in years past.

"Shit, no, not him. He was fine. It was me." Relaxing slightly, your boss unclenched his frown a tad and looked down with a questioning glare. He knew you quite well, too.

"I thought you were over that phase?"

"What? No! I mean, I am!" Your eyes widened, slightly embarrassed at how this greeting had turned out. You'd had your share of meaningless encounters, mostly with men but a couple of women too, an attempt to dampen the sorrow in your heart. For the most part, you were downright rude to them, tossing people aside as if they meant nothing. Because they didn't. Back then, you seriously did not give a shit about those you'd slept with. Remembering one particular occasion, you cringed at the image of Erwin when he had to fight off your previous night's conquest at the studio. The man (you didn't even know his name) was furious that you had just used him for the night and knew where you worked. It all ended alright, no punches needed, but it was a bit of a wakeup call, showing how you knew nothing about these people or how dangerous they might be. That had been your last reckless fuck.

"Do you think I just threw myself at him?"

"No (F/N)." He shuffled. "A little bit."

"Well I didn't. It was much worse than that. Hang on. Why did you presume he'd done something wrong?"

"Never mind that. What did you do?"

"Just my fucking usual." Staring into the coffee in an unknown mirror of the man across the street, you muttered the reality. "I'm pretty sure I talked at him for over an hour about nothing. I remember milkshakes and Jesus, but it was relentless Erwin. I didn't stop once. He must think I'm an absolute nutcase." Gulping the strong drink, you grit your teeth. It was all you could think about since waking and it ate away at you, the feeling of shame washing over you in a wave of idiocy.

"I'm sure that's not the case, (F/N). You'd have known if he did. Trust me." A large hand patted your shoulder in sympathy and you smiled. This guy was fully aware of the opposites in your moods but over everything, you remained a caring person, a trait he admired. "Anyway, even if you did get carried away, it's not annoying, it's sweet."

"Shut up, it isn't."

"Oh it is. And if you still feel bad, just say sorry?"

"How?"

"I'm sure he'll be round again." The bell rung out on cue and with a rapid heart beat, you turned, ready to be met with the grey eyes you had enjoyed looking at last night. But of course, fate was never that benevolent. The first customer of the day had arrived and you slapped a smile on your face, fake and insincere greeting for the woman.

It was just the two of you in today, closing at five so it meant a shorter shift. Leaning over closely, you pressed the pedal with your foot to start up the noisy tattoo gun and held the needle down, glancing up. "Ready?" She nodded and you lowered the buzzing machinery, expecting a twitch. None came so you continued, etching a light blue feather on the female's pale skin. The client had asked for it to be on her breast down the outer side, a no doubt painful place but also quite sexy in a non-obvious way. You were free-handing the design, no need for a stencil to follow and made the delicate sweeps up her flesh to create the realistic image, fluffy tendrils coming alive under your harsh touch.

Action occurred out the front but you were concentrating too intently, unaware of what was going on. Sitting up, you released the tension on the paddle and loaded the tip with more ink, looking through the door to see who had come in. Eren was chatting to his boss with animated gestures, perhaps trying to rearrange a shift or something and you nodded over to Armin, receiving a similar greeting in response. They were always together, linked at the hip almost and you sighed, wondering what it would be like to have someone that into you that they couldn't keep away. Maybe all the time would be a bit much, suffocating, but then if you were in love, why not?

Turning back to your work, you held random conversations with the lady on your table, applying white flashes to add realism, gently wiping blood away with paper towels as you went. That was what hurt you the most when on the receiving end actually, not the drilling metal, the constant friction on already sensitive skin. Silly really, but it was true. Most people would lie and tell others that their tattoo was fine, didn't feel a thing but that was bullshit. There was even a poster on the wall here that guaranteed 'yes, they hurt.'

Not long after and you had finished, smoothing gel over the area and carefully wrapping it in cellophane. Giving instructions on aftercare, you helped the woman into her clothes and led her through to the main area, Erwin ready with a smile to take payment. Always cash, never card. A tattoo wasn't something you could repossess or take away if a transaction was declined or clawed back by the bank. Your latest customer had given you a hug in thanks and skipped outside, thoroughly happy. It was nearly half one and you had an appointment booked in at two, so decided on an early cigarette break, grab a coffee from over the road. They had some really nice syrups that they added in, giving flavours to the deep beverage. Perhaps a caramel one today?

Standing in the cool afternoon wind, you dragged on the smoke and gazed around, taking in the surrounding piece of city life. It was busy as always out here, café full of patrons. The outside area was rammed too regardless of the weather, people just keeping their jackets on instead. Swift movement was visible out the corner of your eye and you snapped round, seeing the outline of a figure rushing inside. You frowned. It looked familiar, but surely not. It couldn't be. Stubbing the cigarette out, you dropped it in the tiny bin on the wall and crossed the street, hands in pockets and trying to blend in, timidly keeping to yourself.

The sound of chatter filled the place, noises of crockery and the coffee machines almost deafening. In line, you kept your eyes to the floor, shuffling forwards and drawing no attention. This kind of mood dictated anonymity as much as possible. Kicking at the tiled surface, you thought about last night again, wincing at the way you had been. Those nearest to you were used to it, the rarer highs celebrated and taken advantage of but Levi would have been caught by surprise. Any of the surety you held before had trickled away, the belief that he hadn't been bothered by it now nothing but a blot on the horizon. It was more than your usual desire to have people remain comfortable and happy this time though. Something about the man was different, not just his looks but the way he seemed to have an intense pain too and you wanted to help.

Not that I could do much, you mused. How can I just rock up to someone and offer assistance when I'm this fucked up myself? So caught up in your thoughts, you hadn't noticed that the front of the queue had been reached. "Sorry, I was miles away." Mumbling your apology, you ordered two drinks, stepping to the side to wait for them to be ready. There were so many bodies in here, it was claustrophobic. You heard laughter and stared at your shoes again, convinced they were giggling at you. Might have been a bad idea coming in here, you thought and shifted from foot to foot nervously, willing the barista to hurry up and get the coffees.

In reality, no one paid any heed to the shrinking body in the corner, all too busy with their own lives to give a shit. Apart from one person. Levi had made a hasty retreat when he saw you emerging from the shop early, rushing in to take up a table in the corner, hidden by the crowds. It was ridiculous really, he was a fully grown man. But this was new ground, making him act out of character; usually if he wanted something, he went and got it. However, here he sat, covertly watching as you looked ready to bolt, wholly uncomfortable with the public setting. It was a far cry from the woman who had dragged him into a busy club last night, but that made sense now he had gotten over the initial self doubt. Isabel had done the same.

Holding short of actually lifting his paper to conceal himself, he tried to remain still and kept his eyes on you at all times. Levi hadn't been able to help his friend, her mental problems too entrenched to accept it either so he just had to just sit back and watch it all come tumbling down. Silvery slits glared over as you scurried out, drinks in hand and head down. He sighed and relaxed slightly, wondering if he should go back outside to see if there was a vantage point to get a view inside the studio, but the sound of rain when you opened the door to exit made his mind up. No chance of that today.

Instead of spying on the woman he admired at a distance, he involuntarily recalled a moment from his past - the day Isabel hadn't been able to get out of bed. She'd been so crippled by her illness that even medication didn't help, taking it nonetheless at his insistence. It had reached the point that he had moved in with her temporarily to keep watch, prevent any new cuts and burns from appearing on her skin but she always found a way around it, desperate to release whatever it was from inside, remove the emotional pain with the physical. Habit wasn't the correct term, requirement was more fitting. That day he had spent almost every minute by her side for company, seeing his friend deteriorate in front of his very eyes. The effects it had on him didn't manifest until after, but were already there under the surface, waiting to spring out unannounced some weeks later.

At the time, Levi had sensed a shift but couldn't quite put a finger on what was different. In hindsight, he would have moved mountains to prevent what came a few days after, however he wasn't to know at the time. She had laid on the mattress, tears falling one minute, manic laughter sounding out the next, nails scratching at scabs or any skin she could find. He had pinned her wrists down at one point to stop her, something that resulted in a shouting match. It shamed him but the course of action had been the only one available. Ridding himself of the morbid recollection, he ordered another tea from a passing waitress, checking on work via his phone, deep scowl on his face.

When you had finished with your appointment, it was nearly five and closing time already. The guy had returned to have his back piece completed, unable to take it all in one go last month so you had arranged to see him again, large pirate ship now emblazoned from shoulder blades to waist. It was huge, one you were especially proud of so took a picture for your portfolio. Eren had returned midway with the usual blonde trotting behind but you hadn't seen them in a while and Erwin was busy on a man's tribal design, hunched over in concentration. Cleaning your station down, you gazed around. Where had that little shit gone now?

Some of your inks needed replenishing so you binned the empties and made for the store room to obtain some more, especially the brown hues that had been used up on the planks of your nautical masterpiece. Pushing in through the door, you stopped in your tracks, hands up and backing out again as Armin's blushing face surfaced from the midst of what must have been an intense make-out session.

"Sorry (F/N)! Actually, I'm not!"

"I know Eren, just…just don't let Erwin catch you, ok? This isn't a seedy motel."

"Gotcha." He winked and you shook your head as the brunette got back to business, the smaller of the pair's wide eyes shining out as wet lips enveloped his once more with a hum of satisfaction. Closing the wooden entrance, you stood still for a moment and smiled. Bloody trainees.

~~~~~~

Sunday had merged into Thursday somehow and your dark disposition had become worse, apathy setting in so you couldn't even be bothered to go to the top floor of your home to take your mind off it. This was dangerous ground and you knew it, however could do little to stop the impending crash. Once that storm cloud had trailed in above your head, it either blew away quickly with the gusts of your other psyche, or remained to shower down depression and self loathing. The latter had seemed to have prevailed and you glared out the bedroom window, the weather matching your own personal monsoon. There didn't always have to be a reason for the spiral, or the converse climb but this time you believed there was, or at least a part explanation. Levi. Lack of him, to be precise. Not that you had expected anything more after Saturday's disastrous ramble, but you hadn't been able to get him out of your head, kicking yourself mentally for being such a fucking idiot.

Once you had showered, you chose your outfit for the day - another pair of skinny jeans (you had far too many) and a black and red jumper with a wide scooped neck. It was ever so slightly see through, the width of the neck showing the straps of your bra and the garment was low enough for another one of your tattoos to be revealed, curling up and around your shoulder blade, ending towards the spine. Erwin had done that particular piece, a vivid and beautiful watercolour design. The tree started half way up your arm and flowed majestically, cherry blossom petals scattered as if blown gently over your skin. He'd used you as a test subject, a style not attempted before and he had been a natural.

Long sleeves bunched in your fists, you checked your appearance, black liner round your eyes to make you look more presentable, lack of proper sleep creeping in along with the decline in happiness. It would have to do, shift-time approaching and you tutted. Late nights always felt longer than early postings. You'd eaten dinner already, picking at the meal with no real purpose and only actually ingesting a tiny amount. No doubt there would be snacks at work, there always were and someone was bound to try and force them upon you, especially when they saw your withdrawn form. Reflection staring back at you, a false grin was attempted, practising how to fool those in the studio today. It looked horrific, like an evil clown. Dropping your mouth again, you gave up.

By the time you reached the parlour at four in the afternoon you were drenched, umbrella providing little in the way of protection in this kind of blustery wind. Dripping all over the floor, a figure rushed over with a towel, well aware that you would be arriving looking like a drowned rat. "Oh (F/N), sugar, why didn't you take a cab?" In honesty, you had considered it but chose not to, letting the rain soak in and chill your bones purposefully in a kind of punishment.

"Sorry Hange, I'll get these boots off." Apologising for being subjected to nature, you kept the usual persona in place, one which came through no matter what was going on inside. "You ok? Been in long?"

"No deary, just half an hour. You and me until ten. Erwin's just finishing up whatever he does out the back and Mikasa's coming in at seven so we can take a break."

"Cool. I'll stick the coffee machine on, yea?"

"Not so fast." She pinned you in place, glasses shining under the ambient lights of the main area, hands on hips. "Try to climb out of it." She knew you too well, could see the pain and offered her gentle words of support.

"I am, Hange. I'm ok, honest. Just need a good night's sleep and I'll be fine."

"Whatever. Can't fool me." She tapped her foot, holding your gaze steadily. Fuck.

"Alright, you can see my soul, can't you?"

"Damn straight I can, so cut the crap."

"Hange, I don't even know."

"You feel like you're losing it, talk to me, ok?"

"Ok. I will." She pulled you in for a tight hug, arms holding strongly and your laid your head on her shoulder as Erwin emerged from the office. A look was passed between your friend and boss, one unseen by you. Hange conveyed something without words, understood instantly - the woman was not alright. He nodded once, grim expression in place as he lifted a hand - shall I stay? A tiny shake of the head and he nodded again. Pulling out his inner peace, he tried to sound as cheery as possible.

"That's enough, what with you two kissing the other day in front of everyone and now this?" You smiled and lifted your gaze.

"Sorry Erwin. There's just too much love in the room." To anyone else, it would have been the breezy statement you'd hoped for, but they weren't fooled.

"Just keep it in your knickers, yea?"

"Erwin Smith?! You dirty dog!"

"Well Hange, if you will fondle my staff…?"

"Go on. Get. Leave us ladies to it." He smirked and left you with a squeeze to the arm, glare pointed at the older female.

Grey eyes watched the whole greeting, the way you didn't even try to hurry through the torrential rain, slouching along and allowing it to permeate your being. The way you were questioned then held tight. The way his old friend looked stony as he exited the shop. All of this was made visible by the fading light outside and the brighter bulbs behind the glass fronted studio. Levi frowned. It was nearly time for him to go and actually do some work himself but he was loathed to leave, desperate to find out why the downward decline was ever increasing. The past few days had been hard, seeing something familiar in your slump and he wondered if he should just stop this now, avoid the emotional ties that were tightening around his heart. This was not healthy, borderline obsession in fact, however he couldn't cease his actions, was in way too deep already.

Checking his watch, Levi grunted with displeasure and stood, smoothing his suit down and leaving a generous tip as always; he knew how difficult and stressful being waiting staff could be, not to mention how desperately underpaid they were. And he did kind of live in here now, it was only fair. Grabbing his belongings, the dark haired man swept out, making his way to go and surprise some people.

Gun buzzing, you expertly made a sweeping line across a male rib cage, starting what would be a pin-up girl down his side. This one would be fucking sore, bumps of bone across your whole canvass. A hiss came from above and you smirked. It wasn't that you enjoyed causing pain, but took some kind of devilish glee from first-timers who picked one of the worst possible places to start.

"It's alright, the outline hurts more than the fill."

"R-really? Shit. How much is left?"

"Well, I've done one bit of her arm. Got the whole body and head to go."

"Fuck."

"It'll be worth it."

By the time Mikasa arrived at seven, you were wrapping your work up, carefully containing the raw and swollen flesh in transparent film, yet another happy customer. Payment was made and Hange was starting a cliché. Despite her advice to the contrary, her client wanted what they wanted, so she obliged. Your childhood friend came over as you shut the register with a bit too much force.

"Right. You need to talk to me, (F/N)."

"I can't tell you anything, Mik. It is what it is. I just…"

"What?"

"I don't know, I can't explain it."

"Try." She meant well, always did, those serious eyes burrowing in with a relentless stare.

"I…I need to pee." Running out the back, you cringed at the stupid reaction. She'd still be there when you returned, no escaping that but it was so hard to explain something that just existed. It would be as easy as attempting to describe to a blind man what blue looked like. Fake trip to the toilet over, you made a show by flushing and running the taps, pausing long enough to make it seem believable and took a deep breath, opening the door. And yep, she was standing exactly where you left her.

"(F/N) I'm sorry, you don't have to." Mikasa had realised the interrogation was pointless, unnecessary too. It was like you said, it is what it is. That meant all she could do was be there when needed and pulled you in close, holding on strongly. "You know where I am."

"Thanks, I know. Sorry for running away from you."

"When you got to go, you got to go." It lightened the atmosphere and you grinned, so incredibly glad to have someone like her in your life.

"Mikasa? Someone wants you to cause them pain!" Hange had cheerfully called from one side and your friend left you with a kiss on the cheek, off to inflict damage on her evening's appointment. That signalled your break time, gladly taking the opportunity for some fresh air. The sheer fabric of your top had perhaps been a mistake as wind rushed in through every single place it possibly could, chilling your body and trailing icy fingers across your exposed flesh. Shivering, you lit a cigarette with shaking hands in the dark street, glowing lights coming from the coffee house opposite. It opened pretty much as late as you did, providing a caffeine fix almost twenty four hours a day.

Jumping with little hops, you tried to keep warm as you huddled away in the shadows, not wanting to be spotted by any passers by. People filed past in their dreary assembly lines, blur of faceless entities that completely ignored you. Apart from one. One which you couldn't see but could feel, that prickly sensation on your skin that was nothing to do with the weather. Maybe it was paranoia brought on by your need to remain unknown, keep hidden and merge into the background? No, this was certainly the opposite to what you were trying to achieve and you threw the half smoked stick to the ground, desperate to remove yourself from the uncomfortable situation and get back inside.

Dammit. Work had been brief but productive, everything done within the space of an hour so he had travelled back home, rain now ceased to allow a dry walk. Once in his house though, Levi had realised he couldn't sit still, nerves frayed and on edge - there was only one option. Back to the café. By this point, the dark haired man had no qualms about what he was doing, no issues whatsoever. This was his way of keeping an eye on the woman he dreamt of without contacting her, watching the decline. Something had been made clear whilst he had been pacing his front room. It was today or not at all. And then what happened next moved it into action.


	4. Unpredictable

Eyes had been watching you, probably judging you from afar, looking upon your body with disdain or hatred. Crowds outside the coffee shop were no doubt talking about you, the silly girl across the street, yea the one that's worthless. Do you see her? Why is she even here? Shouldn't she be alone back home or six feet under by now? Oh, there she goes, running away again. So predictable. So weak.

Closing the door, you started to feel light headed, the blaring sound of the music and buzzing guns sending shots through your skin, adding to the creeping sensation of being stared at. The need to hide was incredible, remove yourself from public and regain any composure you had left. With shaking legs, you quickly ran through the studio, limbs moving as if in thick syrup. The women in here didn't notice, both hard at work and probably presumed you were just going to fetch something. That wasn't it though, you had to get away.

Any time the dark pit began to swallow you whole, in came the paranoid delusions, winding yourself up expertly until all you could imagine were people gathering around your fragile mind to pick and pry, mock and shame. Had you been able to think clearly, it would have been obvious that none of this was true but you were pulled in too deep to realise. Using the fire exit, you pushed the heavy metal bar and released the lock, kicking the brick in place to stop it from shutting you out completely. This was better, a back alley that no one could see you in, the huge bins the only other occupants.

Levi saw you flee through the shop. What was that about? Did she see me? Fuck. This has gone too far. Ten o'clock would be the moment, time to suck it up again and stop being so fucking stupid. I did it on Saturday, I can fucking do it now he growled internally. He only hoped that whatever the fuck he was going to say or do would be the right choice. Couple of hours to figure that out, better get thinking.

Calming, you started to laugh slightly at how idiotic you were being. The cloud lifted just enough to allow you to see that and with a shake of the head, you returned inside, faint wisps of dread untangling from your soul. Grabbing your sketch pad, you went to the front and one of the sofas that lay out here, used for staff to relax or clients to wait nervously. Sitting back, you flicked to the right page and continued the drawing. Someone had requested a specific design, a black and white gothic Alice In Wonderland scene which suited you perfectly. Frowning in concentration, you applied a ghoulish grin to the Cheshire Cat, adding more pointy teeth than usual, matted fur denoting there might be blood in there, perhaps a victim's? Or his own? Either way, you were engrossed, curled up on the couch and scribbling frantically.

Silver eyes softened at the sight, witnessing the relative serenity in contrast to your previous escape attempt. Levi still hadn't decided what his opening line or plan of action would be, but a knot started to grow in his chest at the prospect of being able to speak to you again. Erwin's whispered words from last weekend rang in his ears and he pushed them down, not wanting to add guilt into this right now. Whatever happened, he was ready. Probably. Oh (F/N), what the fuck am I doing?

Nine o'clock arrived along with another downpour, heavy rain beating against the glass frontage and keeping any potential customers away. You could barely see outside, rivers running down the window and blurring your vision. It was strangely restful as you stared at the streams, hypnotized by their movements, snaking patterns swishing from one side to the other. Had the line of sight been clear, you would have realised your (e/c) gaze was pointed directly at a grey one.

"Hey (F/N)?"

"Hmm?"

"Where you gone, sweetheart?"

"Oh sorry, just watching the rain. It's nice."

"Not if it doesn't stop in an hour, otherwise you're gonna get soaked again."

"Yea, guess so Hange." Wistful stare still on the outside world, you sighed.

"None of that, missy. Get up. Come on."

"What? Why?"

"You need to do something. Snap out of it." She was right, of course. But it was so soothing just sitting here for some reason, warm and comforting. You could get up, but why? Why bother? I can stay here, you mused, eyes unfocused and glazed over with nothing to disturb you other than the thoughts in your head; let them overtake you completely, fill your mind until you gave into the sense of futility. It had happened many times before, not leaving your home for days on end. And with that realisation, you made the effort to move - the last occasion of self-imposed house arrest had resulted in an all too avoidable trip to the emergency room.

"Right, what can I do?"

"Re-stock, honey. Keep yourself busy."

"Thanks, Hange."

"No need. Just watch it, you hear?" Nodding at her warning, you smiled weakly and went to retrieve inks from the thankfully unoccupied store room.

Closing time was upon you all, no more clients coming in and the rain had abated, small amount of drizzle remaining. Pulling your coat on, Mikasa trotted over as a horn blared in the street to signal her cab had arrived. As she held you tight, whispered words of support came out in her usually thoughtful manner, promises that you could call any time, day or night. Once your friend had left, you switched all the lights off, secured the cash from this evening in the safe and watched Hange battle with her rain jacket, arms stuck somehow as she flapped like a seabird that had been covered in tar, rendered incapable of flight. Grinning, you gave her a hand and assisted the woman into her garment, grumbles coming from the older female.

"Ok sweet cheeks, I'll see you on Saturday, yea? And (F/N)?" She came close, eyes holding you in place from behind her glasses. "Don't." It was all she needed to say, they'd regretfully seen this before and knew the ramifications. It made you feel wretched in a way, knowing that these people dear to you had to keep watch, maintain your mental state for you because you were incapable. What a fucking weakling. Why can't I just deal with it and move on? Why do I have to drag others into this? Useless piece of…no. Stop. Breathe.

"Ok." It was hollow but all you could offer, helping her lock up and turn the alarm on. "I'm gonna walk Hange."

"Sure? I can give you a ride?" You never understood why anyone would want to drive into the city, but she usually did.

"No it's ok, I'm in a totally different direction anyway."

"If you're positive?"

"Yup. Bit of fresh air to clear my mind." Finally satisfied that you were fine to go on foot, she left in the direction of the parking lot, keys jangling off her fingers as she bounced away, always so lively. Hands deep in pockets, you bowed your head and began the walk home, keeping out the way of anyone coming near. A touch to your shoulder made you spin, fists up as a noise somewhere between a scream and a battle cry exited your lips. You might have placed little worth on your life, but being attacked was not on your to-do list.

"Woah, easy there twitchy." The deep and silky drawl made you drop the defensive pose as darkness cleared to allow you to see who had halted your progress. It was unexpected and confusing. Why was he here? Intentionally talking to you after what happened last time?

"Oh…s-sorry. What…umm…" A small smirk pulled on his thin lips as Levi looked at the way you stuttered and stumbled. It wasn't that he found it funny in the slightest, he was actually just insanely happy to hear your voice again, be in proximity of your body instead of what was essentially a form of well-intended stalking.

"I've had a shit day at work." Lies, lies, lies. "I was passing, wondered if you'd like a drink?" Keeping his tone as bored as possible, he glanced round at the street to solidify the image of exhausted apathy as if it would make him believe it too. You jumped slightly, confused as to what was going on. Perhaps he only knew you, Erwin and Hange round here and needed to let loose, your company being the only option? You had to ask.

"Why me? After the way I acted before, I mean, surely you don't want to go through that again?"

"Like I said. It was fucking amusing."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not in a chatty mood today."

"Suits me. Shall we?" Holding a hand out in the direction of where you both lived, he gave a little bow, hair falling in onyx strands to one side.

"I wouldn't go that way unless you want to drink the river. No bars down there."

"Well, enlighten me then." A crowd of raucous teens ran past, all piling on top of one another, voices loud and aggressively jovial. Wincing, you shrank back towards the wall instinctively. Something important needed to be said.

"I can't go anywhere busy." The meek words were almost unnoticeable, as was the pang of sorrow that crossed grey eyes, but you saw it all the same, that look from Saturday night when talking about the touchy subject. Levi understood completely though and nodded once.

"Alright. Lead the way." Grabbing a cigarette, you offered one over, walking together like you had done before, only this wasn't the same at all. It was like there was an unspoken issue, a feeling of strange anticipation that had been distinctly lacking before. Tension. That was it, but of what kind, you were unsure. A pub came into view, one which was always quiet and half empty, a relatively sedate place in the midst of the hubbub and activity. Ordering at the bar, you brought a bottle and two glasses over to the corner table Levi had chosen specifically, a safe haven away from everyone else. He wanted to make you as comfortable as possible.

Peeling your still wet coat away, you hung it on the back of the chair and flopped down as the man poured, eyes flicking up to your shoulder. He'd seen the two on each wrist and the start of this larger tattoo on your upper arm, but not the whole thing. It was beautiful. Noticing the gaze, you offered an unneeded explanation.

"Erwin did it."

"It's nice." Sipping at the deep red liquid, you stared at the wooden surface, unsure what to do next. There was an air of awkwardness which you didn't know how to deal with. Bobbing your leg up and down, you shook it underneath the table nervously. Should I say something? Yes. Anything would be better than this weird atmosphere.

"How was work?"

"Same old shit." Still not looking up, you nodded knowingly as if he had delivered the meaning of life in a neat little package. Well, that was the end of that, it seemed. What did he want? Even if you glared down, you could still feel his orbs drilling into your core from where he sat back in his seat. Intrigue got the better of any introverted tendencies and you eventually met his steady, scrutinizing look.

"What's going on, Levi?"

"In what sense?"

"In the sense that I feel like I'm under the microscope and you're just sitting there saying nothing."

"You said you weren't in a chatty mood." He said it like it was the most sensible thing in the world, leaving you to give a reticent and embarrassed answer.

"I meant not like before." Mumbling, you played with the glass and raised it, wine flowing through your parted lips.

"Ok (F/N). So what do you want to talk about?" God, he was infuriating.

"Anything. Nothing. I don't fucking know." Without meaning to, Levi realised he'd reverted to his usual demeanour, treating you the same way as he normally acted around anyone. But you weren't just anyone. The way his heart ached was enough to tell him that, all the other emotions were just surplus. Mentally shaking off the stony exterior, he leant forward, frowning as your body shrank away from his, movement sending a frozen shard of ice through his chest. "I won't fucking touch you again, don't worry." Yet again, there was the bastard within, trickling out with too much ease.

"It's not that. Sorry. I shouldn't have come out." Making a grab for your jacket, you were stopped by a tight grip on your other hand, previous guarantee already thrown out of the window. Staring at the pale hold, (e/c) eyes trailed slowly up to meet a pair of flashing silver ones, your mouth open in disbelief.

"Stay. I was being a fucking prick." Levi released you, still bent close and you left the hand limply on the table, not certain of how to proceed. "Now. Let's have a proper conversation."

"Erm, ok?"

"Tell me about those." Passing a lazy finger between your wrists, he nodded towards the designs on your skin.

"This is a lily, my mum's favourite flower." Right arm down, left arm up. "This is the sea, obviously. My dad loved the coast." They were done with realism, two murals that meant so much but didn't go so far as to have the actual words written.

"Do they like them?"

"They've never seen them. They're dead." The dark haired man lowered his head, shaking it slowly. What a great fucking way to cheer someone up.

"My apologies."

"It's ok, you weren't to know." Topping up the wine, you took another deep gulp as your companion seemed to be weighing up his options.

"Want to talk about it?" Most people shied away from this subject, leaving the morbid revelation alone and turning to something safer, however not this man. He took it head on, just like he had done with your faded scars. That sense of trust washed over you again, comfortable in his company once more, but not yet ready to discuss your parents. This wasn't a good time.

"I'd rather not, Levi. I'm not in a very stable place right now." Those eyes pierced into you, reading your thoughts and clutching at the brain matter beneath the hard, protective bone. Of course, that was ridiculous, just a fanciful piece of your vivid imagination. Wasn't it?

"Why not?" It wasn't intended as prying, more of a form of care, something you picked up on in the soft way he spoke. When questioned earlier, the ability to reply to that was gone, no available method to describe the bleak and barren depression to Mikasa. This was all new ground though, the start of a story. Your friends knew why medically, what triggered the chemical imbalance you were blessed with. Taking a deep breath, your voice started speaking in a sound like it was someone else's.

"Because I'm bipolar. It just happens."

"Are you on any tablets?" Wow. The guy was very precise.

"Not anymore."

"Should you be?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Crossing your arms, you scowled over. How dare he start second guessing the choices of a person he knew nothing about?

"It means that if they can help, surely you should fucking take them?"

"Ok. I'm done." Standing, you nearly knocked the chair over in your haste and swept out, coat in hand, leaving the stupidly invasive man behind. What the fuck? Take your fucking meds like a good girl. Swallow them down with vodka like you used to, hoping a reaction would occur internally that would harm you. Hell, why not the whole lot? Shove the round, pink pills in one after the other until none remained, only the empty packet. That was why you didn't fill your prescription any more. Fear. Fear of what you might end up doing. You didn't even keep pain killers indoors. Like he'd understand that shit. Fucking dick head.

Storming down the street, you glared out from under furrowed brows, open jacket flapping behind, mood dark and menacing. There was a faint pull still, an annoying reticence at walking out on Levi. What if it was just concern? Or a strange personality trait? Shit, did I do the wrong thing? Self doubt came all too quickly, along with the feeling of guilt at being rude.

The man sat a moment, spinning liquid round in his glass. Jesus fucking christ. Well done. Just chase her away. And this, he told himself, is why you don't do well with people. Downing the last of the drink, he stalked out towards home, hoping to catch sight of you on the way, make amends. Socially impotent didn't quite encompass how bad he was at this.

Winding through the now empty streets, you kept a fast pace, boots pounding on the paving slabs, sending sprays of water across the road. There was a bottle of scotch indoors, a nice one that had your name all over it.

Rushing along, Levi tried to remember the way, correcting himself twice before getting back on track, unfamiliar route not yet emblazoned on his mind. Even if he didn't find you, he knew where you lived. Could knock? Stand outside and watch, try to see if you were ok? No, this is getting fucking silly, can't go hanging around in someone's back fucking garden.

Five minutes. That's all it would take and you'd be inside, warm and dry, filled with expensive alcohol to dull the edges and blur the lines.

Five minutes. That's how long he'd been going in some random direction, unknown buildings passing by.

Nearly there, not long now.

Nowhere near, totally lost.

What's that?

Is that…?

Last corner rounded, you walked straight into someone, shrieking in shock as they stumbled back, vague pain from where your skulls had clashed. "Ouch, fuck! Are you following me, Levi?"

"I was trying to but this fucking place has a shitty layout. God, how hard is your head?" Despite his odd and offensive nature this evening, you smiled as he rubbed at the spot where you had inadvertently assaulted him.

"Sorry, you ok?" Apologising for something that was not your fault in the slightest, you stepped forwards to check on his condition, shadows entered.

"Yea, I'm fine. Look, (F/N)?" Waiting for the rest, you locked gazes. "What I said wasn't meant for you. It was directed at someone who can't fucking hear me anymore." It started to fit into place, the person who used to harm themselves too, the understanding of your situation, the sorrow and remorse. Whoever he was referring to was gone, likely at their own hand. Feeling terrible for stomping off in a fit of temper, you leant in.

"It's ok, sorry for earlier. Anything I can do to help?" Levi stared, captivated by the woman's desire to aid others, selfless act shown bright in the small offer. At that moment, he could do only one thing, a move that confused even himself.

In a split second, you were against the wall, a hand gripping the back of your neck tightly and another on your waist, set of lips hovering so exquisitely close. "L-Levi…what…?"

"I can't help it." Excusing his actions by way of an intense lack of control, the man pressed into your body, hot breath invading your senses with wine and a hint of tea. He kept a watch on your eyes, the way they clouded over slightly, gauging your feelings. Unable to speak, you gave in to the situation, one which you had not been expecting by any stretch of the imagination and placed your arms around him, pulling hard as the warmth of the man enveloped your being. It was all the confirmation he needed, mouth brushing against yours, nudging and teasing. For nearly three weeks he'd dreamt of this, fantasized and driven himself crazy. He was in no rush. Fingers dug into your nape as the man took your bottom lip in a small peck, just the one and you felt like melting there and then, losing sanity and turning into a puddle to join those already on the street.

Shivering for a reason other than the cold night air, you held tightly, head moving in small rolls with Levi's, slowly tilting left then right as your open pout bumped into his, drawing out the inevitable kiss. When he spoke, the voice came out in a husky purr, words touching your lips.

"Do you want to?" Gulping, your eyes fluttered but you forced them to stay open, eating up the beautiful tones of the irises that were trained on yours. In a bold move, you shifted over, making sure his left thigh was trapped between yours. His orbs sparkled and you were sure you saw him swallow in anticipation, burning hot form melding into yours even further.

"What the fuck do you think?" Your whispers tickled at his skin and Levi sighed as he ended the delectable anguish, connecting with your wet mouth, gently at first then increasingly insistent. He rubbed his leg against you roughly, causing a moan to escape at the friction and you relinquished any hold on reality, sliding your tongue into play. The man accepted hungrily, hand moving from your waist to the small of your back, sounds of enjoyment rattling in two throats as muscles twined together with greed. Grinding up, you offered the same pressure with your lower limb and felt the hardness beneath his denims, squeaking into the kiss.

Pulling back, Levi took in your appearance, flushed face, full lips and the desire in your sparkling eyes. If he didn't stop now, it would end up in something he would regret; not sex itself, but how soon it was. This wasn't a casual fuck buddy, it was the woman he craved, not a person to be ruined by feral passion. He wanted to treat you with care and attention. Breathing deeply, you saw the change in the man's expression, going from lust to admiration in mere seconds.

"Better get you home." He smirked as you realised it had started to rain again, no conscious recognition of that fact until now. Laughing lightly, you shook your head.

"Way to leave a lady high and dry."

"Did it cheer you up?"

"You kissed me to make me happy?"

"Not entirely." Still clinging close to one another, he gave a final press of his mouth onto yours. "I kissed you because I fucking wanted to as well."

"That's ok then." Smiling, you allowed yourself to be led away, an arm around your shoulders as you rushed across the street to the house that had been so close but luckily unreached. Standing under the front porch, you offered him an umbrella for the short journey to his place.

"I'll run. And (F/N)?"

"Yea?"

"See you soon." Shooting a look your way, Levi jogged off through the sheets of moisture, hands in pockets as his form was engulfed by the darkness, disappearing from sight all too quickly. Heart beating dangerously fast, you turned to open the door, key unsteady in your trembling hand. Fuck. Where did that come from? It had gone from disastrous snapping to a sublime embrace, all in around half an hour. You weren't foreign to the idea of that with someone you barely knew, however this had been something else, a gesture that was more at home with two people who had been skirting around the issue for a while, stolen glances and timid flirting. Either way, you entered your house with a smile on your face and a flicker in your heart, a much needed modification to the previous disposition.

Sinking into your sofa, the desire to sleep was miles away, a tiny speck on the edge of the universe that would take hours to reach you, light years perhaps. The drink you had needed was in your hand, but not being thrown back as you'd imagined, just sipped slowly as a cigarette burnt between your fingers. Lips still tingled and you ran the tip of your tongue over the bottom one, recalling the recent sensations applied to it. How did the day end up like this?

Nearby, Levi paced his living area, adrenaline keeping the high in place and making him joyfully antsy, unable to remain still. He'd done it. Taken the plunge and showed a side to him never revealed before - tenderness. Smirking to himself, he drained his wine glass and muttered in the quiet room. "Erwin's going to fucking kill me."


	5. Caution

Friday. No point going to the café. No point going anywhere, really. Let's see, ten in the morning. Might as well get up, sort the paperwork for next week's meeting. Levi paced downstairs, pyjama bottoms scuffing slightly on the carpet as he rubbed his eyes. Never enough sleep. A few hours and that was it, every single night. Sighing, the bare-chested man stretched as he waited for water to boil, clicking his neck side to side and glancing round at the stacks of unpacked boxes. Better tackle those soon. Pouring the liquid into a pristine white pot, he watched the leaves begin to infuse and placed the lid on, leaning against the kitchen unit, wondering what the woman on his mind was doing. Was she still asleep? Dressed? Had breakfast? Was she thinking of him, too? Of the kiss?

Five streets away, you were indeed awake, fully clothed and replaying last night over and over, still not really sure what had transpired. A cloud still hung over you, hard to shake the dark clutch your heart had been in for days but it seemed to be lessening, the tight, deathly hand relaxing ever so slightly to allow you to breathe more easy. It felt like you had been underwater for so long, lungs burning and begging for oxygen and now you could drag in a tiny amount of air, satisfy the starved organs a little bit, just enough to tide you over until the surface could be fully breached.

In order to speed up the process, you did what you should have done in the first place, lights on upstairs as the black storm clouds still raged outside. Brush in hand, you added to your latest piece, one which Erwin would be hanging in the studio, compilation of a variety of designs done by all of the artists there, flashes of images linked together in one large collage along with abstract splashes of colour. Soothing your troubled mind, you worked automatically, not thinking about the canvass, attempting to make sense of yesterday, the short argument that led to a display of desire, something that caught you by surprise but was still so delicious. Was it simple lust on Levi's part? No, surely if that were the case it would have ended so differently.

Another thought came in to join the ranks - Erwin. After the first trip out, he had presumed his old friend had acted inappropriately and seemed almost enraged at the prospect. It dragged out so many different angles and possibilities, all of which were interesting but also disturbing. Did the man who caused goosebumps across your flesh have a dark past? Habit of hurting others? And if so, physically or mentally?

Unpacking some personal effects, a photograph was unearthed, one that caused Levi to both smirk and wince, a snapshot from years gone by. Much younger faces stared out from the print, Erwin's beaming smile beside the shorter man, his own scowl deep. There was a small lilt to his stance, sideways and unsteady, not the usual commanding posture that he was so good at pulling off these days. In his hands he held a reminder of just how fucked he constantly was back then, unable to even stand straight. How he ever managed to get his business going was a miracle, passing off the mumbles and trips as a personality flaw rather than the reality - he was a total drunk.

Three days after the one which saw Isabel bed-ridden, life took a gut wrenching turn, ripping his friend away from him cruelly as her mental anguish became too strong to ignore. He had to run to the shops, Levi recalled. Get some medical supplies to patch up his closest comrade. If only he had waited. Put it off. Stayed. Maybe she would still be alive, the sight that met him on his return no longer an image burnt into his mind, her lifeless body hanging by the neck from the open railings of the stairs…no, don't bring that up again, push it back down. But it was there now, the horrific scene that caused him to lose control in a matter of weeks. Not long after, alcohol became the only way to survive, blotting out the terrifying memory, although what would see him through one night was always increased the next, then the next, until making it with sanity across a whole day was impossible without the poisonous substance.

Placing the picture in a box, he sighed, pushing up from his kneeling position and regretting ever opening this one up. It was why he had put this off for three weeks, keeping most of his meagre belongings hidden and out of his mind.

Standing back, you surveyed your work with a small smile, proud of what had been achieved. Flecks of paint covered your old shirt, one that had been pulled on specifically for this purpose and you rubbed at the speckled surface of your skin - only another shower would sort that out. Feeling a bit better about life in general, you decided to have some lunch, a small amount first to get your stomach used to eating proper meals again. Slowly but surely, that grey tumultuous tornado seemed to be passing by, off backstage to wait in the wings for the next time. Of course there would be another episode like this, there always was, however dwelling on that would do no good.

Turning your concentration to cleaning your brushes, you ran water from the specially installed sink in the attic room and held the bristles underneath the cool stream, fingers massaging at the prickly strands to ensure all of the thick paste was removed, carefully fanning it out on the porcelain surface to bring the embedded hues out from hiding. The mundane exercise allowed you to consider Levi once more, his actions that were so forward. Well, in this day and age, people got married in less time than it had taken him to kiss you, so in that sense it wasn't outlandish at all. Trying not to dwell too much on what was probably a snap loss of judgement, you placed the tools away and thumped downstairs to fetch some food.

Rain currently on hold, Levi left his house, locking the door to secure the painful recollections inside. His earlier lethargy had been thrown from him like a blanket snatched from a body, cold truth forcing him to do something with the day. A call had prompted a work-related visit and he griped internally at the ineptitude of some people, wondering how mankind survived with such useless members in it's midst. Surely it wasn't hard to get one goddamn thing right? It moved his thoughts on though, so that was a bonus at least.

Silver eyes glanced up at the moment you were washing your brushes, gaze pondering what was going on in that top floor room, the one that had lights on. Was that your bedroom? Doubtful. Dressing area? Too much, you didn't seem like someone who spent hours in front of mirrors trying outfits on, far too indulgent. So why were you up there with bulbs shining so bright? One day, he might see for himself.

That brought up another consideration - what next? Yesterday could not be a one-off, he wouldn't allow it, so the path before him was clear yet muddied at the same time, a dirty river that he couldn't quite get a good look through. Contact was inevitable, but how? When? Scheming to himself, Levi planned a variety of ways to inject his presence into your life once more, chance meetings would be blatantly deceitful. Giving one last look at your house, he turned the corner and made his way into the busier streets of the city, ready to reprimand whoever had fucked up the order request.

~~~~~~

By Tuesday, you were convinced that Levi was not going to come back, scowl deep as you applied the finishing shading to a grim reaper tattoo, man's calf now covered in your work forever. You didn't let it get to you though, a conscious effort being made to keep your head above water and continue dragging in that sweet, sweet air of a steady psyche. Your behaviour had been noticed of by those around you, smiles exchanged between the friends in work this evening. No one wanted to mention it out loud, scared they would cause the lifted mood to sprint away in fear when spoken about.

Eren watched closely, taking note of the way you held the gun, how your wrist moved, the hold you had on the flesh to pull it tight. He was learning, asking questions as the picture was nearing completion. The brunette respected your skill, often sitting almost on top of you to see the methods employed, listening intently to any words of wisdom. "Where's Armin today?"

"Friend's house. How do you get the fading so nice?"

"Multiple needles."

"Oh yea, they look like a comb, right?"

"Kind of, yea. Try it out on me if you want?"

"You'd let me?"

"Of course. You've done it before."

"True. Thanks (F/N). It's gonna be immense!"

"Just no fucking hearts or shit."

"Eww no way!" Smiling, you pressed on the pedal as the bell rang out front, Annie on desk duty to greet any customers as Erwin strode through from the small back office. Words were spoken but they were incomprehensible over the buzzing sound, mumbled chatter punctuated with the owner's laughter as you swept ink across a red, swollen leg. People joined the tattoo area and you glanced up in between strokes, eyes widening in a tiny gesture as they met silver shards, a smirking mouth and a lightly tilted head. You had no option, inbuilt girlish tendencies running strong as the blush sprung up on your cheeks, snapping your gaze quickly back to your work before anyone saw. It failed.

Unbeknownst to you, stares were swapped and conclusions reached by the two blondes, Eren paying no heed to anything but the brushes of your gun. Even that stopped as you finished up, muttering to the client as the young man leapt to attention to deliver the gent to a mirror to check out his new piece. A low, deep snarl sounded in the quiet room, large finger pointing to the private office. "Levi? In there. Now." Keeping your eyes down, you heard the door slam and a heated conversation that was most certainly not muffled by the wooden barrier between you and the small space.

"Let me understand this. I told you to keep your hands off, so you took that to mean you could put your hands all over her?"

"Like you're her fucking guardian?"

"I am. And I take that role very seriously, Levi."

"Fuck off, Erwin." Groaning, you bowed your head and held the still flushed face in your hands. Embarrassing was not the word. Downright humiliating would be more apt and Annie grinned, shooting you a wink before shouting.

"We can hear you guys." Shuffles and a thud of what was presumably a chair being pulled out seeped through, no more loud voices. "Well, (F/N)? Good for you."

"Annie, stop. It was just a kiss, ok? Don't start that filthy mind working overtime." Huffing, you shrugged. "I'm a grown woman, I can make my own choices."

"I know that, but Erwin is very protective of us all. It's sweet in a manic way?"

"Yea I guess so. But seriously? Arguing about me? It's weird." The door flew open and a smug form exited.

"Your turn (F/N)." Levi's expression held nothing but amused and devilish glee and you gaped, jaw slack as it felt like you were being summoned to the principle's office for fooling around in the school corridors. Dragging your sorry self inside, you closed the entrance and slumped onto the chair, unable to meet Erwin's furious blue stare. He spoke mildly, a far cry from the recent yells but the choice of language made you run cold.

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into, (F/N)?" Surely that was no way to talk about an old friend?

"I'm not getting into anything, Erwin. It was one kiss, that's all."

"It's always how these things start." Sighing, he shook his head and sat on the desk, leaning forwards and holding your chin firmly, pushing up to make you look at him. "I like you both, a lot, honestly I do, but Levi is…well, complicated. Comes with baggage."

"And I'm flying with only hand luggage? I don't think so."

"That may be, however…he…" Releasing his grip, Erwin was the one to look down, almost sheepish in appearance as he held onto the table and smiled without humour. This was a difficult yet required lesson in his friend's behaviour, maybe not one for him to share fully, so he tiptoed around the edge of the massive, craggy ravine that was Levi's past, careful not to fall in. "Look. All I'm going to say is he has his demons, just like you, but he is capable of causing pain, (F/N). Real emotional pain."

"How?"

"Ask him. He just finished telling me that's not who he is any more. I want to believe that, I really do. This is you, though. I can't see you get hurt."

"Erwin?" Tone even and kind, you smiled, a genuine expression as he met your (e/c) eyes. "I know you want to look after me and you do, so very, very well. I can't thank you enough for how you've treated me like a daughter." Gulping back a show of raw feeling, you continued quickly. "But I'm a big girl. I have to make my own mistakes, get out of my own mess and choose my own path. If he says he's changed, perhaps he has? Either way, this is not a full blown relationship. I don't know what this is, actually."

"You're tough but soft, (F/N). Use that strength and cunning I know is in there, don't let your guard down too easily. Ok?"

"Ok. How are you guys friends, anyway?"

"History is a fine maker of companions." Cryptic and brooding. It appeared that was all you would get, so simply nodded.

"Am I excused, Sir?" Making light of how it looked, you grinned as the blonde man laughed, a real one, sound lifting your spirits. Curiosity ran through you as well. What had gone on with these two? What did Levi do that was so painful to others? Here was a situation that had become maddening, anticipation mixed with trepidation making your heart beat fast in your chest. You had to know.

"You are. From what I understand, he intends on taking you for a drink. I won't stop a pair of adults doing what they want, but just remember what I said."

"Is this not a bit of an overreaction?"

"Might be. Probably is." Serious face back in a flash, cobalt orbs pierced into yours. "Be happy."

"I'm trying."

Sloping out, you smiled awkwardly, Levi's self satisfied stance in full force as he leant against the wall casually. Eren was still chatting to your most recent patron and Annie was taken through to join them by a strong arm, leaving you alone with the now more dangerous man, one who had just been painted to be like a vampire of sorts. Beginning the clean down of your station, evening shift nearing an end, you heard the smooth, drawling voice.

"Did you get told off too?"

"No. I got warned."

"About what?"

"You." Not even needing to look up, it was evident, the tension in the air that drifted through as if the world had discovered how to remain in darkness, no need for the sun's warming rays to awaken and stir nature to bloom. Cold. It felt cold.

"I see." Bored words that were saturated in grim reality answered the revelation, arms crossed over a toned chest as he observed you scrubbing the cushioned leather table. "So…drink or not?"

"On one condition." Shifting to sort the inks in order, you maintained an unbreakable exterior, the suspense clawing at your brain but you wouldn't let it out. With a final swipe, the area was spotless and you met dull, grey eyes. "Tell me what the fuck is going on."

Levi considered it for a millisecond, there was no way he was about to deny the request.

"Fine."

None of those gathered spoke or stopped the pair of intense looking people when they left, letting them carry on whatever this entailed. Lighting a cigarette, you sucked deeply and exhaled as much as possible, attempting to still your nerves as the first bar you had taken this man loomed into view. Stick to familiar settings, you told yourself. Gain an upper hand. Table located and alcohol secured, you stared into the distance, watching the steady comings and goings of other drinkers.

Levi fidgeted with his glass, monumentally pissed at his friend, apprehensive about the woman who sat across from him. She had that spark of defiance in her aura again, something that should have been a welcome sight, yet tonight it bothered him - this did not bode well. Get the lay of the land, he decided. Find out how much the fucking giant told her.

"What did Erwin say?" Those (e/c) eyes suddenly flicked round, beautiful, sparkling discs that held him captive and chilled his bones all at once.

"He said you cause pain and doesn't want to see me get hurt." The stoic man nodded, tight line of acceptance on his face where his lips normally were.

"Caused. Not cause."

"He also said you told him that you'd changed."

"That is true."

"Changed from what, Levi?" Without realising, you'd leant in over the table to get closer, bodies radiating warmth against one another in unseen waves of heat. Taking a careful note of how he behaved, you saw a faint ghost of sorrow on his features, one which was evident the last time you were in here. Don't let your guard down easily. Erwin's words rattled through your mind uninvited, making distrust sink in where previously lay an open acceptance. Damn. Perhaps forewarned is forearmed, as they say, but did you want to be defensive? Was it not preferable to come to your own, untainted conclusions? And moreover, what the hell was about to go down? Or, as it appeared, already was.

"Shit, sorry, can you start again?" Personal conversations over, you realised he'd actually been talking. A small smirk was offered, not anger, yet again showing a side to the man that screamed patience and understanding. His past hadn't turned him into a total stone, it seemed. Levi shook his head. How did he miss the trance-like state? Not to worry, his story was going to be pretty short.

"I was saying that I used to treat people like shit. Still do for the most part." Opening your mouth to ask a question, a hand stopped you in your tracks. "Let me get it all out and then you can ask anything." Keeping quiet, you listened whilst he explained in concise terms about a variety of partners, people he would chew up and spit out once the flavour had gone. This wasn't an unknown concept to you, but he had acted differently, taken it further. Levi led them on a merry dance, lying and cheating whilst making them believe they were the one, the most precious thing in his life so in no time at all, they would do anything for him, compliant and obedient servants. And then he just dropped them unceremoniously, leaving their exposed hearts broken and heavy.

"I needed someone to be there for me when I came home, when I wanted a fucking meal, clothes washed, sex. No emotional attachments."

"Why?" It was a bold thing to admit and you did respect him in some way for being so brazen.

"I don't like emotional attachments. Didn't." It was all about the tense and choice words, past or present, do or do not, have or have not. One thing he did have was a tint of remorse in his intense grey eyes.

"What changed?"

"I did. I sobered up." Sipping his wine, Levi gave a look to the woman who had slid even closer, frown on her face that morphed into a wan smile at the ironic gesture. Sober didn't necessarily mean abstinence. "By which I mean I don't stumble around half cut all the fucking time."

"Ok." Glancing down, you digested the information, seeing why Erwin would have been concerned by his friend's actions and intentions. So many queries and suppositions spun through you, all fighting for attention, pushing and shoving to gain the most prominence like a group of toddlers swirling round the nursery teacher. A singular gnawing bubble won. "How do you know Erwin?"

"We worked together."

"Don't fuck about, Levi." The accusatory grumble provoked him into a deeper explanation, pausing only to allow a near by group of men to finish their ear-splitting laughter.

"Fucking hell." Wincing at the uncouth racket, he rolled his eyes and carried on. "He was a security guard at my first venture."

"Which was….?" Spinning your wrist, you thought how this felt like getting blood out of a stone.

"Initially a bar, but that didn't last long. My real idea was for a restaurant, so I made it happen."

"Why does a restaurant need a bouncer?"

"It didn't. That fucking blonde goliath wormed his way in with his damned ability to become unquestionable." You knew all about that. Erwin was a man that was easy to warm to. "So I kept him on as staff, just in case someone didn't like the fucking soup." Giggles sprung from your mouth at the image of customers being forcibly removed for complaining about the marriage of carrot and coriander, shoulders hitching as the ridiculous scene played out in your head. Levi's lips curled ever so slightly, glad to see you so animated. You could have gone the other way, walked off five minutes ago when he had admitted his despicable behaviour, however you remained by his side, cheeks painted with a red sheen of hilarity. A good time to finish up.

"He knew what I did, saw me dive into alcohol and try to find solace at the bottom of a fucking bottle, observed how I treated others. Fucker should be a therapist." Calm now, you raised an eyebrow for elaboration, earning a tired sigh from the pale man. "He found me on the floor of the kitchens one night, curled up in a fucking ball against the freezer. I couldn't get up, couldn't even fucking see. I was that wasted, I have no idea what he said, but it must have worked. Because here I am, fully coherent and the owner of nine restaurants."

"Really?"

"Yes. Is it that hard to imagine?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I…I don't know what I meant."

"Forget it. Most people don't expect it." Topping up the glasses, you felt a slight pang of disobedience like you were provoking him into drinking, awakening the beast within. It was all over your expression and a soothing purr allayed your fears. "I'm perfectly capable of knowing my limits now."

"Good. I'm glad. But Levi?"

"Mmm?"

"Why are you telling me all this? We've only met twice. The first time I blabbered on about complete shit, the second time I stormed off after the shortest conversation in life. So why bother? I'm no one to you?" You weren't looking for affirmation of character, not wanting a kind of response that gushed with things like 'oh no, you're not no one, you're such a special person', you wanted the truth. And that was such a horrifically difficult answer to form for Levi. How was he about to tell you he'd been watching you for over three weeks now? Getting more and more infatuated with someone he had taken a liking to instantly? Go with some semblance of reality, he figured. No lies, just not the whole story.

"There's something about you (F/N), something I'm drawn to."

"What? The ability to talk your ear off or the way I come across so fucking confident?"

"Don't put yourself down all the fucking time." In a similar fashion to when he admonished you for not taking your meds, the growl contained a dark care, one which you were aware of now. The reason for his drinking more than likely lay in the person who he had lost. Taking no offence this time, you shrugged.

"Sorry Levi. It just rolls out. Standard response."

"I know. And don't apologise." Comfortable silence descended on the two of you, company enjoyed once again and the bottle was emptied. You weren't sure if this was a sharing kind of arrangement, one of those chats where your own revelation was expected. Keeping quiet, you sat back in the chair and nodded at the table.

"Another?"

"Why the fuck not." He rose to fetch the next round, leaving you behind to process it all. Levi was many things apparently, a once cold-hearted user, past binge drinker, successful restaurateur and someone who had taken an interest in you. There was obviously much more to him than that and it excited you.

Waiting for service, the dark haired man looked over in contemplation. His revelation hadn't fazed you, taken well and in an intelligent, adult manner. Of course, he hadn't told all, keeping the truth of Isabel to himself for now, not ready to go that deep. And then there was the small case of his inappropriate spying. But above all, he wanted to hear about the woman, let out whatever it was that held her in disarming depression to see if he could help in any way, be a rock of sorts, the one to turn to in times of trouble. A protector. That is, if she'd allow it. She would. She had to.

Back at the table, he stared intently and asked an important question of you, one which had to be put out there before anything else.

"After everything I've said, you're still willing to see where this might lead?"

"Yes." You were in no position to judge.

"Alright. Let's get to know each other, then." Raising a glass, he started off what would hopefully be an insight into your life, your struggles. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted someone approaching, the look of pure rage on his features. No. No no no not now, not here. Fuck. Cringing, you waited for the obvious, a snarled greeting full of malice.

"So this is where you're fucking hiding, you slut?"


	6. Spark

The atmosphere dropped a few degrees, coldness running through your veins as the fuming man looming over you waited for some kind of response. Of all the times, he picked now to turn up like a bad, unwelcome smell. You still didn't know his name, only that he was the infamous visitor to the studio that day when Erwin had to eject him. This couldn't end well. Levi, however, just smirked, looking wholly amused as he leant back, arms crossed to watch the impending car crash as the newcomer spoke.

"Well? Don't you have something to say?"

"Umm…sorry?"

"Sorry?! Is that it?"

"What do you want me to say?" He faltered, unsure of exactly what he had expected from this reunion. An apology, yes, but not a questioning one. Instead, the guy you'd last seen a few months ago tried to ruin your evening, turning to your companion.

"Don't bother with her, mate. She's only after one thing." Sneering, he pointed as if to add gravity to his words. It didn't pan out how he had expected.

"So, a gorgeous woman wants to fuck you and you're crying about it. Grow some fucking balls." Scowling, the wronged male stared down with fury, weighing up his options. You did feel bad, unhappy with the way you'd treated him, there really wasn't much more you could do or say but you tried.

"Look, I am sorry. I was wrong to behave like that. Can we just leave it in the past?"

"Yea. I don't want to spend another second thinking about you. Have a nice fucking life." The man stormed off, leaving a set of gleaming eyes trained on you with hilarity shining inside.

"Don't, Levi."

"Don't what? You have no idea what he's called, do you?" He enjoyed the fact that you too had your own guilty past. It made him feel better.

"Not a clue. God, I'm going to hell." Groaning, you rubbed at your temples, suddenly aware of your surroundings and feeling distinctly boxed in.

"Want to go?" Reading you well, the pale man sensed the shift in your posture, tension sinking in visibly. He was getting good at this, hours of practise coming out.

"Please." Abandoning the half full bottle of wine, you exited the pub into the dark evening air. It was still relatively early and you didn't really want this to end just yet, not like that.

"Where to?" The bored tone by your side was accompanied by a sweeping glance which was soaked in disinterest. Not fooled, you asked a question.

"Do you still want to talk? Get to know each other?"

"Of course." Still sounding like it was a chore, Levi kept his cool exterior, yet inside he was as nervous as they come, ready to explore his new acquaintance's mind but also shitting it as to what might be said. He could only hope that whatever it was, he would answer correctly, not cause offence or make things worse.

"Ok. Let's take a walk." You weren't really sure what to say or where to go, so just wandered aimlessly round the corner, avoiding crowds, jostled by a few commuters making their way home from work. Gritting your teeth, you tried to remain calm and shake the feeling of being intruded upon. Slipping to the side, the line of people faded and a serious stare was on you. "Sorry, I just feel like they're all staring and laughing."

"Shall we try somewhere else?" Sighing, you nodded, feeling wretched at being so damn skittish. "I know a quiet place." There was no sinister undertone to the suggestion so you followed blindly, ready to accept peaceful shelter with the man who had been so honest in his admissions. He appeared to have learnt something of your past dalliances too, similar to one another in that respect. As the city scraped past in images of buildings and establishments, Levi smirked, unable to keep it inside anymore.

"Am I to presume we share a common theme?"

"Kind of, yea." What he had done was very different, manipulation rather than anonymous sex.

"Point taken. Your reasons?" Might as well continue the open dialogue, you mused and smiled darkly.

"I thought it might help."

"But it didn't."

"No. It didn't."

"What were you looking for?"

"That's a hard one to answer." Being led round a corner, you saw the back door of an edifice come into view, man sitting on the step smoking a cigarette, phone in hand as he scrolled through meaningless pieces of information to pass the time. "Someone, maybe. Or a way to forget." It seemed sufficient and the dark haired male nodded, giving a small noise of greeting to the guy with the mobile, offering you entry to wherever this was.

Inside, the corridor gave little suggestion of the purpose of the place and another door was opened, revealing an office with a small table instead of a desk, nice chairs in favour of the usual leather spinning one, piles of stiff card to one side. A small explanation was given. "Welcome to my second home." Third really, last in line after his house and the coffee shop. Confused, you took the offered seat and shrugged your coat off, looking round for any kind of clue.

"Errr…." Levi smiled at the frown on your brows and glanced down, taking in your clothing for the first time. Tight jeans as always, topped off with a loose black jumper, oversized to hide any kind of figure beneath but hanging nicely from your shoulders, exposing collar bones and smooth skin.

"This is my new venture. The reason I moved here." So you were in his restaurant? Well, out the back anyway.

"Oh ok. Can I see it?"

"Of course." Jumping up, you walked through the building into a bustling kitchen, all staff members adding a bit more haste to their movements at the appearance of the boss, pale man striding through confidently, followed by a timid female. A few confused looks were exchanged as service continued, waiters coming in and out with purpose as the noise of the room rang in your ears with deafening bangs and crashes, shouts given from one side to the other. Steeling your nerves, you told yourself it was fine, they were all too busy to notice and anyway, you'd asked for this. Bumping into the now still figure, you came to an abrupt halt in the corner.

"Obviously this is the kitchen."

"Its huge."

"Has to be. It's the biggest place I've opened so far. I must be fucking insane."

"Why?"

"The stress this has caused me is ridiculous."

"It all seems to be going ok though?"

"When they get it fucking right." It would be silly to imagine that there hadn't been teething problems, but it did all look like a smooth operation, chefs and porters working like one large family, minds connected invisibly as they all knew what needed to be done and when. A small window on the wall offered a view to the main dining area and a finger beckoned you over. "It's one way." This portal allowed anyone to see the customers, keep an eye but not vice versa. Sneaky. Peering through, you gasped. It was vast, table upon table filled with people eating and chatting, sharing drinks and conversation as delicate food was brought to order. A queue was visible outside the main door, denoting just how popular this restaurant was already.

"So many…"

"Yea, it's been like this every night."

"You must have quite the reputation."

"Apparently so." Tour over, you were escorted back to the office, a bottle and two glasses snagged by Levi en route. "You hungry?"

"I am now. It smelt delicious out there."

"Give me a minute. You take care of this." Handing a corkscrew over, your companion left to obtain some food, steal his own merchandise. Perks of the trade. Returning in a flash, he pushed through the door, tray laden with small dishes of exquisite looking treats, each portion expertly assembled. It was a veritable feast.

"Oh my god, what's that?" Pointing at a stack of ingredients, you stared at how carefully the tower was compiled. It seemed a shame to destroy the masterpiece but your stomach growled, causing you to laugh in embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Stop fucking apologising." He meant no harm and you smiled, taking it as intended. Levi said something complicated yet entrancing, tongue rolling to pronounce the name of the dish.

"You speak French?"

"Evidently."

"What did that mean?"

"It's basically scallops and honey glazed carrots. Here." Cutlery was passed over and with reticent hands, you cut into the delight, feeling bad for demolishing the hard work. The taste was sublime, any guilt gone as the flavours mixed together beautifully. Sure that this was not the way to eat the expensive kind of food, you scooped the rest up greedily, leaving nothing behind.

"Shit, that's good." A small nod let you know it was his pleasure. "Can you cook like this too?"

"Tch. Better than that."

"Seriously? I'd better stay away from you then, I'd eat til I burst." Ignoring your own comment, the fork moved to hover over the next morsel. How people dealt with this as one course was beyond you, surely you'd need at least eight of these to feel full. It was introduced in the foreign language also, but you didn't wait for a translation, preferring to know it by the real name. Without realising, your appetite had returned with gusto, any memory of picking lazily at a plate blown away in a stream of gourmet dishes. The fact they were all on different pieces of crockery made you feel like you'd ingested so much, however in reality it wasn't a lot. Glancing up, you tilted your head in question.

"You not eating?"

"No, I had something earlier. Enjoy that?"

"Fucking awesome. I can't even imagine what your stuff's like if it's better than this. Where did you learn?" Levi shook his head. This was supposed to be a chance to find out more about the woman he had finally struck up a kind of relationship with, and here she sat, throwing queries at him.

"Picked it up along the way. Here and there."

"Nice and vague?"

"It's the truth. I never studied, just took an interest." Sipping the deep red wine, you noticed how eyes flashed from where the man sat beside you, something in his words alluding to more than just his culinary skills. Picking up on the intent, you leant back.

"So what do you want to know about me?"

"What do you want to tell?" Blank page offered, you accepted with a small smile, starting with the obvious.

"My parents." A slow blink advised you to continue and with a strong resolve, you began to tell him the whole story, staying cool and emotionless whilst describing the moment that shaped your life as it was now, loss and despair but also responsibility as the last part was voiced. "I booked it all for them, they never were any good with the internet." Swallowing down the last of the drink, you sat with a grim expression, features almost feral and full of hatred. "I changed the train time. They were originally due to be on the one before but I thought they'd get to the port too soon, be bored hanging around."

"It wasn't your fault, (F/N)."

"Yes. Yes it was Levi. If they'd been on that first one, none of this would have happened. They'd still be fucking alive." The man didn't have the skill set to deal with this, unsure what to say or do without causing more upset or coming across as patronising, so he decided to move it on, stop your self destructive dwelling, albeit onto yet another unhappy angle.

"Is that when…?"

"No. I was diagnosed at the age of fourteen. Their death just made it worse."

"Why don't you take medication anymore?" It didn't anger you like before, the knowledge that he had more experience with this than originally thought let you allow the question and the sad truth.

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Snapping and taking them all at once. If you ever have a headache, don't come to me for any tablets. I won't have them in the house." The fact that you could simply go out and buy some was irrelevant, if any kind of fucked up temptation was removed, that was enough. To get in a state where that kind of action might be an option, it would also mean that you would be unlikely to leave your home, unable to actually. So this was a way of keeping yourself preserved to a degree. "Sounds stupid, I know, but…"

"No it doesn't. Sounds pretty fucking sensible (F/N)." More wine was poured and you noticed how you now sat with your arms nearly touching, both having leaned in subconsciously during your conversation. That was fine, soothing almost, the feeling of being close to someone who listened and didn't judge. Your friends were also caring and accepting of course, the small group that was intentionally tiny. Apart from Mikasa, you had either alienated or upset anyone else from your past, occasionally bumping into an old acquaintance which led to awkward mumbles. Those few others you had let in over the past three years knew your personality from the outset, no surprises or shock when you would switch.

"What's going on in there?"

"Sorry Levi, I'm off again, huh?"

"Don't hold it inside. Let me help."

"Why would you want to?"

"Do I have to go through this again, (F/N)?"

"No. I guess…I just don't get it." Serious silver eyes glared over as a pale hand touched your chin lightly, brushing a knuckle underneath. Using the curled finger, Levi brought you towards him, gaze flicking down to your lips. That slight movement lit up your stomach, excitement bouncing around in there as if you'd never been kissed before by anyone, let alone the fact that this man had already claimed your mouth once.

"What's there to get? You have a problem understanding me?" He spoke in a low growl, words that could have come out so confrontational but somehow didn't, his thumb tickling across your pout.

"No…"

"I think you must do. Maybe you can understand this better." Tenderly connecting, soft lips pressed into yours, a simple display of gentle…affection? Perhaps, you weren't sure. All that seemed real now was the relatively chaste kiss, no tongues, no attack like Thursday, only an air of purity. This was a sensation not experienced before, sparks exploding throughout your being at the utterly non-sexual gesture. Releasing you, Levi looked into your eyes, the way black practically overtook the (e/c) tones in a manner that suggested you were almost drugged. "Do I make sense now?"

"Sort of." Whispering, you hadn't said it to provoke a replay, even though that would most certainly not be unwelcome, but you still didn't truly grasp what was going on.

"That'll have to do for now, I suppose." He wasn't prepared to go into a full narrative just yet, not ready to admit what he'd been doing in the café for so long. "So, what were you thinking about before?" He stayed close, ghostly grip on your chin gone, though.

"How I'm forthcoming with my problems. I told Erwin straight on the day I met him."

"It's an admirable trait."

"Sometimes." Faint electricity wound it's way over your flesh, coming down from the high. "Others don't take it so well."

"Then they're the kind of people you don't need in your life, (F/N)."

"I guess." Neither of you spoke for a while, gazes inspecting each other's features, mentally recording every aspect and securing the details tightly in a safe memory bank. You took in the porcelain skin, thin brows that were permanently near to a scowl, eyes that had an intensity that couldn't be described, the colour so cold yet so alive with flecks of brightness. Up close they were hypnotising and deep, smugness mixed with that pain you knew lay within.

Levi drank in your appearance, the parted and luscious lips, soft face that glowed still from the kiss, stare steady and enchanting, pulling him into those orbs that he wished to lose himself in, lock onto them forever and forget about everything else. He hadn't been prepared for just how captivating they would be at this proximity.

"What now?" Your breathy voice sounded like it was miles away, not a part of you at all. A smirk met your query first, followed up by a small suggestion.

"Dessert?"

"Depends what it is." Flirting awfully, you couldn't help but giggle at the risible statement, an action which unbeknownst to you made Levi's heart swell with how adorable it had been.

"Fucking filth." Dragging himself away from the mutual discoveries, he gathered the plates up and stood, tray in hand. "I'll bring all of it." He hadn't been lying, yet another myriad of dishes presented as if he were trying to fatten you up for winter.

"This is going to do terrible things to my figure, Levi." Eying the delicious looking offerings, you glanced over to where he sat near once more.

"Not as terrible as what I could do to it." It was his turn, time to change the pace and let the lewd comments come into play, release the smut little by little, lighten the previously dark mood. Stopping it at that when he saw the cloud cross your gaze, he held up another fork, one with a slightly sharpened edge to cut through the puddings. "Try them."

"Do you have some sort of food fetish?" A huffed laugh replied with a slow shake of the head.

"No. I could if you wanted me to, though." Sliding a small piece of what tasted like pure indulgence into your mouth, you attempted to stay still, enjoying the shift in proceedings.

"Not my thing, but you do whatever you like, Levi." That tsunami of fun was coursing through your veins, threatening to tumble out in the usual mash of fervent chatter and excitable fidgets and you put up a virtual seawall, containing the incoming flood. It wouldn't be great timing to go full on freak right now, so you channelled the bubbling adrenaline into smaller rivers of tranquil water. Having control over your emotions was a brand new ability, a step in the right direction that filled you with hope and wonder. If this guy could cause you to behave like this, what else could being in his company do? Inadvertently, he had helped already, just like he desired to. Not wanting to break the atmosphere, you stashed that revelation for another time.

Picking the next plate, you took a sliver of a fruity item, careful garnishes spilling onto the crockery in a fan of competent sugar craft. "What's this one?" The French name given, you nodded like it made total sense and let your lips envelop the treat, inspected closely all the time. Was it your pleasure he was interested in? Appreciation of good fare? Sharing his profession? Or maybe he really did hold this with a type of adult reverence?

"You like to watch?"

"I like to see happiness."

"Are these your recipes?"

"Most of them, yes. This," he pointed at a dark chocolate offering. "Is my best seller."

"Why?"

"Taste it and find out." This evening was taking a turn which you couldn't have ever foreseen, strange brand of foreplay raising your spirits. Levi knew what he was doing, providing a safe haven in which to be yourself and not worry about anything. If you felt like crying, go for it. Laughing? Fine. Flirt? Definitely. He was familiar with what suppressing a true persona could do.

"Holy shit." Closing your eyes, you smiled widely as the black cocoa melted in your mouth, complimented perfectly by the hint of fresh raspberry and mint. "That is fucking awesome."

"My pleasure. Now you see why?"

"Mmm hmm." This was the one to end on, leave the lingering flavours to remain as long as possible. You had an inkling that the whole show was purely to cheer you up, give a distraction of sorts and for that, you had infinite gratitude. "Levi?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"For what, (F/N)?"

"This." He knew you understood. Good. It was better than having you think he was some kind of feeder.

"You're welcome." Smiling, you took a mouthful of wine, the combination of the dessert and complex grapes making a match made in heaven dance on your tongue. A noise from outside caught your attention, sudden flurry of activity and Levi looked at the time. The restaurant had closed and he didn't want to be here for the sounds that always came after the doors were closed - unruly shouts and banter between the staff along with the huge industrial washers. "Come on, it's getting late. Walk you home?"

"I'd be honoured." Gathering your belongings, you followed the man out the back through rushing bodies, no longer bothered by their presence. Cigarettes lit, the journey was made with a sedate speed to account for how much you'd just eaten. Outright grinning now, you nudged Levi with an elbow.

"You know I nearly started babbling shit again but managed to stop."

"Why did you want to stop?"

"Because it's annoying and fucking stupid."

"(F/N), listen. It's not fucking stupid, don't go against your grain."

"No, you don't understand. I've never been able to do that before, it just overtakes me but back there…I suppose I was happy enough and made it go away?"

"Interesting."

"Is that it?"

"Yes." Laughing, you treated him to another jab and gave into the short response, delighted that you seemed to be holding the reins of your instability. For now, at least.

Home looming in front of you, the end of the night was in view, however you weren't sad. This was only just beginning. Standing at the door, you unlocked and faced Levi, his body near and pose casual. He didn't want to do anymore than this, it was perfect. What the man had admitted candidly earlier meant that he would prove his change in demeanour, show you that this was certainly not just another hollow and convenient liaison. Courting, they used to call it. Ridiculous.

"I'll see you soon?"

"Yes Levi. Don't be a stranger." Leaning in, you shared one of those gentle kisses again, sighing into the small embrace.

"I won't." Like once before, the commanding form dwindled from your line of sight and vanished in the direction of his house, spring in his step as you respectively filled your thoughts with each other.

~~~~~~

You opened the door to the parlour the next morning, canvas under your arm as the bell rung but Erwin didn't hear it; music was blaring and he stood with his back to you, hands on hips, staring at the far wall of the studio. Smiling with devious intent, you laid the painting down carefully and crept up behind him, throwing your arms around his waist.

"Hange! I told you, not at wor…" The huge man turned and realised who had accosted him, seeing a large grin instead of the crazy woman he had expected. "Oh erm, morning (F/N)," he stuttered. "Sorry, I thought you were Hange…" Erwin trailed off, a look of pure embarrassment on his face, blush rising from his neck. Seeing his obvious discomfort, you attempted to ease the pain with a laugh.

"Yea, that's the sort of thing she'd do." He perked up a bit. Reaching over, you squeezed his arm with a comforting smile on your face. That touch, that one look was enough to tell Erwin the truth; you knew. Speaking no more on the matter, not wanting to drag his anguish out any more than you already had, you pointed to the artwork leaning against the sofa.

"What do you think?" Blue eyes regarded the offering with a nod, holding it out at arm's length as you nervously waited for the verdict.

"It's just what I was looking for (F/N). Absolutely spot on." Clapping your hands, you jumped in glee as he went to hang it on the clear space he had recently been scowling at, pride of place on the studio wall. He laughed at your excitement and the track on the sound system changed to a club classic. Not your usual taste but you bounced off and began to dance around, spinning and moving to the beat. Singing along, you grabbed his hands to get him to join in, euphoria still running strongly since last night. It wasn't just because of things like kisses and suggestive chats - the way you'd held yourself without exploding was incredibly uplifting.

Erwin was having none of it and you let go to continue on your own. He smiled to himself, not having seen you this happy in ages, months even, a huge difference between the current demeanour and the manic frenzy of an imbalanced mind. At first he attributed it to the painting, but that seemed a bit much and realisation sunk in. Picking up his phone, he sent a text to Levi, expecting a damn good answer.

Across the street, the recipient caught a glimpse of the energetic movements inside his friend's shop, holding back a smile at your enthusiasm. Yes. He was back hiding again, silly really after yesterday but it was a habit he couldn't yet tear himself from. Alerted by a vibration, the pale man flicked his eyes from the scene over the road and the message in his hand, giving the latter his full attention in a second. Snorting, he read it again and again, making sure he had this right. "Please tell me you didn't fuck her?" First of all, what business was it of Erwin's? Secondly, if he had, surely it had resulted in the woman's joyful actions, so what was the problem? Typing back violently, he pressed send and slammed the device on the table. He had been marked, a leopard never changes it's spots apparently. Scowling down into his tea, he waited for the inevitable response.

Mikasa stepped through the door, met by the image of you twirling round to the music. She didn't question it, glad to see you looking so free after being bound by your depression for this long. Tossing her bag to the side, your friend jogged over to where you were currently throwing some moves and joined in whole-heartedly, taking your hands. The two of you laughed and sang, covering the studio floor with abandonment, thoroughly enjoying the moment. Erwin merely looked at his employees, not wanting to get involved but grateful that this type of thing had happened, even if it was due to something he was less than impressed with. He knew you weren't his flesh and blood, however the need to protect the often vulnerable woman had been ingrained for three years, starting on the day you walked in.

Recalling the event, blue eyes misted over as he drank his coffee. You'd come in to enquire about the apprentice role, book in hand to show your artistic prowess but timid and unsure of the abilities you clearly possessed. Mikasa had put you onto it, pushed at your reticence and persuaded you to join her at the shop, promising that the boss was a gentle giant. What had surprised Erwin was the change when you spoke of your troubles, open and matter-of-fact, wanting him to be fully informed of the reality and potential episodes. That honesty along with the evident talent had made his mind up there and then.

Snapping out of the daydream, he opened the new text and stared, vaguely aware of the two women collapsing with exhausted laughter onto the sofa. "Why? You upset you didn't get to fucking join in?" That was it. Seeing red, Erwin stormed out back and dialled the number, not interested in a cowardly conversation.

"Are you that sick and twisted, Levi?"

"Well what did you fucking expect? Don't ask a question if you're not prepared to take the answer." He was speaking quietly, faint noise of a crowd in the background. Probably at work.

"Can I have the real answer then, please?" Doing his best to stay collected, the blonde man paced the small office space.

"Why should I? It's got absolutely fuck all to do with you, unless I was right the first time."

"Don't be a stupid prick."

"Sounds like I hit a nerve. Protective father figure, my ass."

"Where are you? I want to talk face to face."

"What for? So you can try and fucking scare me with those eyebrows?"

"So I can put you on your fucking back."

"Good luck trying."

"I've done it before, I'll do it again, Levi." Silence. The man in the coffee house sat as still as a statue, wholly confused. Their bickering didn't bother him, been there done that, it came with long-term friendships when one of you was an abrasive, offensive bastard and the other seemingly caring to the point of being flawed. Levi knew Erwin was also capable of hideous violence, taking great pleasure in fighting people in the line of bouncer duty, but had never raised his fist to him. Had he?

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Snarling down the receiver, the dark haired man waited for the reply.

"Not on the phone."

"Ok. I'm in the café opposite."

"Why didn't you come in and say hello?"

"Just got here, decided to try somewhere new."

"Alright, I'll be there in a minute." Any bad feelings had gone, quickly dissipating as they always did in this old relationship. Despite the arguing, the two always eventually saw eye to eye and respected one another. Waiting impatiently, a grey stare finally saw the flash of bright hair as it's owner rushed over to where Levi sat just inside by the window, wind too strong today to take an outdoors seat.

"Well?"

"Levi, I need you to know I did it because I had to."

"Did what, you massive fucking idiot?"

"Knocked you out."


	7. Discoveries

Serious charcoal eyes shot into the blonde man's skull, piercing with vehemence as he nonchalantly drank his tea, not sure what to make of the last admission.

"Explain."

"That night I found you on the floor." A time neither wanted to recall had to be wrenched up from the past again to provide a meaning for Erwin's current presence in Levi's hideout.

"Go on."

"You hit me in the head with a bottle so I defended myself. Ended up knocking you out cold, I'm afraid."

"I have absolutely no fucking idea what you're on about, Erwin. As usual."

"You really don't remember anything?"

"No." Cobalt orbs flickered down, fingers tapping the table in a nervous reflex. This wasn't what he imagined would happen. "Honestly, I don't know what we said or did. All I do know is that I snapped out of it the next fucking day."

"Yea. That was my doing, Levi."

"How?" Erwin sighed and shook his head. He thought the guy knew what had gone on.

"I got you back home in the car once I woke you up and threw you under a cold shower, shouting the whole time until you listened." Meeting the stony face opposite, he continued. "I said some awful things, terrible accusations, anything to get you to stop fucking self destructing."

"Like what?"

"I don't want…"

"Like. What." There was no arguing with that tone and the blonde smiled with a fearsome leer, one tainted with hatred at what he was about to own up to.

"I told you that Isabel would've been disappointed in you."

"No, that's not it." Levi knew he was holding back.

"Alright, I said if she was still alive to see you like that, she'd wish she were dead." Expression unreadable, the shorter man just stared blankly, no emotion evident as he got used to the new information. The need to make his friend pay crossed his mind, but only briefly. If that was what had been needed at the time, then so be it.

"What happened after that?" Flinching at the dark voice, Erwin hastily filled in the whiteout.

"Hours of screaming and…and crying. Punching things. Getting it out of your system. I think that night was when you finally mourned." Levi thought about it carefully, no memory of the pivotal occurrence but he had no doubt it was real. Something had changed him and that seemed to fit the bill. He had never been so glad to have the guy as a friend, even if he had been a fucking bastard in the process.

"Thank you, Erwin."

"You're welcome. So, no arguing? No slap in the face?"

"Not unless you want it."

"No thanks, I'm all good." Smiling, the large male went to leave, before remembering what had started all of this and pointed down. "Did you?" Smirking, Levi raised a brow, dragging out the discomfort a tiny while longer.

"No. We went to the restaurant."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Amazing what food can do for the fucking soul."

"So that ball of happy activity over there is all because of a meal?"

"Mostly. Now stop asking shitty questions and piss off back to work, slacker."

"Coming?" The pale man shuffled in his seat. It could be nice, but also immensely awkward. If he didn't though, it would look weird so he stood, waiter passing as he picked up his phone and jacket.

"Leaving so soon, Mr Ackerman?" Giving him a wink, the overly-friendly member of staff swept away. He'd figured out the object of the spying one day and had never let it rest since.

"I thought you hadn't been in here before, Levi?'

"I haven't. He's just fucking annoying."

"How did he know your name?"

"Paid by card. Any more interrogations, or can we go?" Accepting the reasons, Erwin made for his shop and the two women he had run out on earlier without a word. Whilst he had been gone, they'd been having their own conversation, a similarly revealing one but more light hearted.

"Annie told me that guy came back. And about what Erwin said to him. Hands all over you, eh?" Pushing your arm playfully, Mikasa laughed and watched your blush grow. Despite what or who you might have done in the past, you still managed to always turn red at the drop of a hat.

"Yea something like that. It was awful."

"The hands or the telling off?"

"The second one, obviously."

"And how was last night?" Wiggling her brows, the often no-nonsense woman turned into a naughty schoolgirl and grinned.

"Shut up. It was nice."

"Nice?! Well, that's no good."

"It was! Really good. Just give it a rest." Switching the fates, you had your own bit of fun. "More to the point, how was YOUR night? Is that a love bite I see under your scarf?" Now it was Mikasa's turn to get flustered, unable to respond with anything, face drained of blood instantly. Moving on from the childish questioning, you went in softly.

"Does she make you happy?" Sighing, knowing there was no point in trying to evade your radar, she nodded.

"Very much so (F/N)," she whispered, eyes fogging over as she thought of Annie.

"Good, I'm really happy for you Mik." The two of you smiled and squeezed each other's hands, content that for the time being, things were going well. Why the time being? What had made that enter your mind? Throwing water on that particular fire, you allowed the lifted spirits through and nodded at nothing specific.

What arrived through the door made you change colour again, heat radiating from your chest and creeping up your cheeks, the smug authority from the man who practically fed you last night seeping over in waves. Before any words could be exchanged, another figure entered, paper clutched in his hand as your friend leapt up, desperate to take the client and leave you alone with the small man. Orbiting the newcomer, Mikasa kept looking over with a smile as Erwin paced out the back again, Levi taking up your friend's recently vacated position, legs crossed in apparent apathy as you spoke.

"Did he just go fetch you?"

"No, we had something to talk about and I was in the area."

"Ok. Hi."

"Hi." Gracing you with a sideways glance, he smirked, making the greeting into a kind of double entendre even though none existed. "Someone seems in a good mood today?"

"Huh?"

"Saw your little dance from outside."

"Spying on me, are you Levi?" Using all of his self control, he stayed placid, no show of anything that could betray his thinly veiled truth.

"It was hard to miss. So, what was that down to, hmm?"

"Must have been that chocolate thing." Keeping cool, you blamed the change in demeanour on food.

"How about we do it properly some time? Eat like normal fucking humans?"

"You mean without you leering at me while I chew?" Concealing a smile behind his hand, Levi bowed his head in agreement.

"Yes. And not in the office."

"At yours?"

"No that would be fucking weird." You supposed it would be, actually.

"True. Are you asking me on a date?"

"If I was, would you say yes, (F/N)?"

"I think I would."

"In that case, would you care to join me for dinner next week?"

"Love to Levi. Thank you." Casual chat ensued, cut off shortly after a new customer walked in, your working day beginning. Whilst waiting for the bulky man to get settled, you ran out the front to say goodbye. "Sorry, I have to go hurt someone. Here." Passing a piece of scrap paper over, you smiled. "My number."

"And there was me thinking it was the combination to the fucking safe."

"Might be, you never know. Now stop being smart and go think up some new recipes."

"Yes Ma'am." A small nod as a farewell and Levi swept out, leaving you smiling as you skipped back to the waiting client.

~~~~~~

Just over a week had passed and Thursday was upon you again, early shift organised and swapped with Eren so you could leave at five to get ready for your apparent dinner date. It was a bit silly really, made you feel older. Surely people didn't do that kind of thing, just called it hanging out? Grabbing a bite to eat? At the same time it was quite exciting, a proper arrangement that was all grown up, something you weren't familiar with at all. You and Levi had swapped texts since you last saw each other, nonsense messages sent about your days, what you had for lunch, how many fuck ups occurred at the restaurant. It was light and friendly, most of the heavy stuff having been tackled already, leaving you to converse about mundane things. By the sounds of it, his meeting yesterday had gone well, promise of yet another venture which he would be telling you about tonight.

The ecstasy from last week had abated somewhat but only to deliver you to the baseline of a steady mind set; content could be the right word, polite and accommodating as always and no sign of trouble. Currently, Hange was bustling around, giving you advice on what to wear, how to behave, keep your manners at all times. It was exhausting. That combined with Eren's antics made you check the time constantly, waiting for the end.

"(F/N), you do have dresses, right?"

"Yea but Hange, I was just going to wear jeans and a nice top?"

"What if he takes you somewhere fancy?"

"You think he will?"

"Of course! That's what shorty's all about!" She fussed at you, playing with your hair as the trainee cleaned the floors, grinning at the two women who were behaving like little girls getting all flustered over a meal. Shifting his gaze, he took the opportunity whilst they were preoccupied and slid across to where Armin sat on one of the cushioned tables, always here with him when he could be like a quiet member of the extended family.

"We could go out for a date?"

"Eren, don't you think we're way past that point?"

"No! I want to take you out, show you a good time!" Winking, he sidled up to the blonde and ran a hand suggestively over his boyfriend's thigh, making him blush furiously. Even after nearly a year, he still got so embarrassed, too cute.

"E-Eren, not here!" Stepping closer so he was standing between the smaller man's legs, the brunette placed his arms around the petite waist. "Stop!" Whispering harshly, Armin looked nervously out the front but you and Hange were too involved in the conversation, paying no heed to what might be going on back here. Lips trailed up his neck and he sighed, giving in to what would no doubt be another one of their mammoth kissing sessions.

You'd spotted it out the corner of your eye but kept still, suppressing the smile so the crazed woman by your side wouldn't catch sight of the insatiable couple. Keeping her concentration, you frowned. "How do you know him, anyway? Did you work at the bar?"

"Yea, until it turned into a restaurant. That's when I left."

"How come?"

"Serving drinks to people is one thing, waiting tables is quite another."

"So you know him well?"

"Well enough to tell you he doesn't just do this kind of thing on a whim. You must have really caught his eye! Which is why you need a dress!"

"Fine. I'll wear a fucking dress." Pinching your cheeks, the excitable female squealed and started making suggestions on colour schemes and make up, something really not that high up on your agenda. Desperate to escape, you took evasive action. "Listen, hang on a minute. You want a coffee? I'm going to get a nice one from over the road while we're quiet?"

"Sure honey, pick me a sweet one. I feel like upping my sugar intake."

"Is that such a good idea Hange?"

"I need a buzz to see me through until closing!"

"Fair enough. Boys? Coffee? My shout?" Calling backwards, you waited for the inevitable wet sound of mouths breaking apart and grinned as a breathless voice filtered through.

"No….we're fine…thanks." Slight pause and soft chatter. "Actually can you get a mocha for this gorgeous guy?" More hisses. "You are!" Shaking your head at Eren's outgoing personality, you grabbed money from your bag and hurried across the street. Two hours. That's all you had to get through before the torture of what to wear would be upon you. Maybe I should ask Levi, you thought. Check where we're going? It would make life easier, that was for sure so you pulled out your phone whilst waiting in the short queue. It seemed that it was quiet everywhere today.

Paranoia wasn't a factor in your current mood but that didn't extinguish the sense of being watched, a natural reaction of humans, not just you. It wasn't unpleasant, just a bit odd. Glancing round, you finally spotted a well known pair of flashing eyes and smiled. What was he doing here? Perhaps just having a break. He might've intended on coming over once his drink was finished? Either way, it was nice to be able to see him again in the flesh. Paying the barista with thanks, you picked up the cardboard container that housed three paper cups and rushed over to Levi's table for a quick chat, able to see easily from here if there was a sudden influx of customers in the studio. Sitting down, you were met by a smirk and nod.

"I didn't know you came in here, Levi?"

"I don't often, just stopped off on the way home."

"Were you going to come and say hello?"

"Probably."

"Again with the vague answers. Never mind, I needed to ask you, what kind of place are we going to later?"

"You did ask. I got your text."

"Oh yea, I'd forgotten about that. So…?"

"Definitely a dress." Levi saw the faint scowl and sat up from where he had previously been lounging. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find one."

"Do I look like someone who wears that kind of thing?"

"No, but that's what makes it even better. I'm looking forward to seeing what you choose."

"Are you really?" Elbow on the table, you gave your best demure expression and smiled. He was about to reply when a waiter appeared to collect the empty teapot, a guy who seemed a bit too friendly in the way he got close to the other man. And then when he spoke, it sent your mind reeling.

"You finally worked up the courage to speak to her then, huh? Been long enough, maybe now you can stop staring at that tattoo place every day?!" Levi froze as the infuriating male rushed off again, unaware of how much destruction he had just left behind. (E/C) eyes stared with accusation and disbelief and the low snarl was chilling.

"What the hell did he mean?"

"Nothing. Just being a dick."

"No Levi, I saw the look on your face. Tell me what the fuck that was all about. Now."

"Not here, (F/N)."

"I'm supposed to be working, you know? I can't just disappear to have a fucking chat." Curiosity danced inside of you along with a dread that made your chest tighten. It might be an innocent misunderstanding or a bad attempt at banter, although something in the man's gaze told you it was much, much more and it was much, much worse. "Alright. Come over." Grabbing the coffees, you didn't even feel the hot liquid spill from the black one that was yours, coating your hand and burning at sensitive skin. The pain wasn't registering, a numbness settling over you in dark, syrupy waves.

You slammed the drinks down on the counter and strode directly for the office, ignoring Hange's confusion and growling at the lovers out back. "Get a fucking room." Eren jumped at the tone, an unusual sound coming from your lips, one never heard before. In the back of your mind you made a note to apologise later and held the door open for Levi to follow, throwing it shut viciously. Outward anger was not a sensation you were used to and it scared you, unsure what might happen. Pinning your companion in place with a seething glare, you crossed your arms and waited for him to explain his way out of the bizarre situation, unable to shake the horror that sparked inside.

The man held the furious gaze, heart pounding and hearing blurred by the power of the blood rushing through his veins. Here it was. The moment he would have to tell the truth, no point trying to pull the wool over your eyes. He didn't want to, either. Honesty was the only way forward. Keeping calm, Levi spoke in a measured, quiet fashion, betraying the nerves within.

"You might not want to hear this, but I have to tell you the whole thing, (F/N)." Silence granted him the opportunity to carry on. Taking a deep breath, he delivered the reality, the days and weeks he spent in there watching and observing, gauging a read on your mood, feeling glad when you would arrive with a light step, morose when you slumped into work. Levi told you how he would make suppositions, imagine what was going through your mind and create scenarios in his own head that ultimately ended in him being able to grow some balls and actually speak to you properly. He detailed the desire to help, to assist, to care, but even that didn't quite wash with you.

"Alright, I get it to some degree, but after you came in on that Saturday, you didn't stop?" A solemn shake of the head. "And you're still doing it now?" Nod. Clarity sunk in and you recalled the time you fled the street outside due to the creeping, nauseating experience of being spied on. It was him. Spitting your words, the shock began to rain down. "That day I felt physically sick, Levi. Literally on the verge of losing control of my own fucking legs. All because someone was watching me. And the punchline is, it was you! I can't believe it…" Trailing off, you laughed almost maniacally, the irony of a person who wanted to help actually making it even worse causing dark humour to course along your flesh in unwelcome waves.

"I noticed. That's why I made sure to bump into you after work."

"Bump into me?! Oh, this just gets better." Grip on sanity failing, you shook your head as he spoke again, the same dull monotone sound.

"I didn't think."

"For someone who seems to have stalked me for over a month, you should have seen how awkward I can get in public places, yes? In fact, I think I might have mentioned it once, how I feel people are always staring? Laughing?" He nodded. You had spoken of it briefly when walking to the restaurant, however he was well aware of it too from your behaviour.

"I know I've fucked up, but there's more to it. Let me explain (F/N), it…"

"No." This wasn't a situation you could wrap your brain round right now, maybe never and you weren't ready to risk letting the spiral take you over just when you had begun to feel stable. "No, Levi. I need to go home. Alone." Storming out, you picked up your things on the way, aware of the figure still lingering in the back room. Taking Hange's hand, you quickly offered a scant reason.

"Sorry I have to go, I'm so sorry, but..."

"Stop. It's not like we're snowed under here, (F/N). You ok?"

"Not really. It's fine though. Don't worry. I'll be fine." Stern eyes told you all you needed to know. "I'll call if I need to, ok?"

"You'd better, sweetie." Kissing her cheek, you glanced over at the two slightly scared looking men.

"Sorry about before. I didn't mean it." A small half-hearted smile was given by them both and you attempted to reciprocate, but failed enormously. The bell rung to signal your exit and the bespectacled woman paced for Levi, stare full of warning.

"What did you do, short ass?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing. You hurt her, you have to deal with me. Understand?"

"Fuck off, shitty glasses." He made the awkward walk out with determined strides, glad that Erwin wasn't here at least. Outside, he scoured the area but you'd disappeared through the streets already, no sign of the woman he had probably just broken. Fuck. Let the dust settle, he told himself. Allow her space to think. What was supposed to be a lovely evening had turned into a total clusterfuck, all because of that fucking bastard waiter. And his own actions, admittedly. Stalking off to find a bar, he made passing humans shrink back with the look of death in his eyes.

Nearly two hours later and you sat on your sofa, the same position you'd been in since returning home, staring at the ceiling and drinking steadily, only wine but still, it was straight out of the bottle, very classy. Rain poured down, battering the house and causing a loud, almost terrifying roar of water to encase the bubble you lived in. Levi had been trying to call and sent god knows how many messages asking to meet so in the end you turned your phone off, annoyed by the constant vibrations.

You tried to keep it together, remain afloat and not let this get you down. Channelling the fury, you projected it all onto the man who had done this, removing any self hatred and shifting the feeling of despair from yourself. It was a struggle but vaguely manageable, strength coming from an unknown source to deflect what would usually end in blaming your own actions for this. No. I won't be beaten, you assured internally. This wasn't my fault.

What if I should have heard him out, though? Let Levi explain the rest of the story? Stop that now, no, nothing he could say would make it better. But so what if he had been watching you? Too socially stunted to come and speak to you? Some might consider it romantic, even…fuck. What am I thinking? If he thinks he knows me so well, why would he put me in a position where I was being scrutinised and the centre of attention? Maybe he didn't mean to, inadvertently caused the ridiculous reaction. After all, normal people didn't behave like that, did they? No, just me and my stupid inability to function…

A bang stopped the internal argument and made you snap your head round. It was windy out, must have blown a branch against the house or knocked a bin over. And again, insistent this time. Over the deafening sound of the downpour, you realised it was someone at the front door. Pretty sure you knew who it was, you rose nonetheless and went to answer it, letting what might ensue just take place, sweep you along with the tide. The way you were clearly conflicted added to the feeling and you wrenched the front entrance open, gusts trying to pull it from your grip as you set eyes on the man before you.

Levi was soaked through, hair plastered to the side of his face and clothes drenched, sticking to his no doubt cold body. Beckoning wildly, you screwed your face up against the rain that swept in along with leaves, forcing the door shut with speed and locking the storm outside. Weather storm, anyway. Who knew what kind of tempest would occur in here. Standing for a moment, the two of you just stared at one another, his breath quick to suggest he had been running, faint scent of wine reaching your nose, but he was evidently sober, as were you. Pushing the wet, raven strands back, he removed the messy look in a sweep and spoke softly.

"You got a towel?"

"Yea, hang on."

"And perhaps some clothes?" The voice called out as you had already rushed off to climb the stairs and obtain something to help him dry down.

"I'll see what I can find." Shouting to be heard over the drumming of droplets, you stuck your head in the wardrobe, pulling out one of your over sized shirts that were used for painting, slight ghosts of the substance remaining like a hangover of badly selected washing powder. You found some large sweats too, ones that had been a gift and seriously fell short of the mark when it came to fitting correctly. They'd have to do, though. Hurrying back, you took Levi's coat and hung it up to deal with later, passing the towel over so he could at least sort out his hair and face, black t-shirt clinging damply to his abdomen, denims ruined.

Slipping off his shoes, he mumbled thanks and saw the bundle of fabric in your hands. "I'll just…take…"

"Shit, sorry. Here." Passing the clothes over, you turned and left him to it in the porch, allowing privacy. Yet again you were doing everything to make another person comfortable despite what had been revealed earlier. "Bring the wet ones through, I can stick them in the machine."

"Mmm. Jesus…what the fuck?"

"You ok?"

"I'll let you decide, (F/N)." He sounded amused yet annoyed and as he walked in, you saw why. The shirt stained in blobs of faded colour hung off his frame loosely, evidently too large for him as well, trousers a few inches off his ankles, legs sticking out from where the fabric stopped. Trying hard not to laugh, you made a suggestion.

"Is your underwear dry?"

"Yes, but I can't fucking walk around half naked."

"Suit yourself." The reason for his presence was brought back to the fore and you sighed, taking his clothes to put them into the drier. The sooner they were sorted, the better. Closing the door on the small utility room at the back of your kitchen, the only audible noise was yet again the rain, a soothing yet worrying sound, one which could spell real damage to buildings, cause floods and accidents out on the roads, but in here you were safe, cocooned in relative peace. Retrieving a new bottle and two glasses, you made a presumption and nodded to the sofa.

"Sure?"

"I wouldn't have let you in if I wasn't sure." Sitting together, you lit a cigarette and turned to face your unexpected visitor. "This had better be good."

"I don't know about good, but it's the truth." What more could there be? With that question twirling around your mind, you fixed a resolute expression on your face and waited to be hit with whatever he had to say.


	8. Support

Wind battered the house as you listened carefully to the solemn tale of Levi's friend, the one he had lost years ago but still caused an emptiness within. He obviously felt a degree of responsibility, unable to save the woman from herself, just sat and watched it all pour away like sand through his fingers. The fact he had found her like that, an horrific sight which rose up into his mind unannounced to this day made you want to take all of the pain away, hold him close and allow it to seep into you instead, however something about the way he spoke kept you from doing so. His tone was steady and dull, remorseful yet also reticent and you had no idea why.

"I couldn't do anything (F/N). I tried, I really fucking tried but when all is said and done, some people can't be kept on this earth."

"I'm so sorry, Levi."

"Not your fault. It was her illness that caused that end." He looked down, fidgeting with his hands. There was more to be told and he knew how it was going to sound. "When I first saw you, I recognised some of Isabel in there. The behaviour, air of reluctance."

"Am I…?" He snapped his gaze up in an instant, grey eyes holding you down to prevent the word he didn't want to hear. Substitute.

"No. Not in the fucking slightest."

"Then…?" You couldn't finish, so waited for the rest.

"What happened back then fucked me up, you know all about that little slice of my past." Nodding, you watched him take a drink before continuing. "It made me appreciate that things are not always black and white. Any anger I held against her for leaving me was gone when I saw how easy it could be to fall apart mentally. I understood. And in that sense, I understood you too, (F/N)." Levi paused to let it sink in and when he wasn't halted, he started again.

"Sitting in that café, I saw a woman who was instantly attractive, but intriguing too. My experiences have allowed me to pick up on the darker sides of people, I suppose."

"Levi?"

"Yes?"

"I get it now. I see why you want to help or protect, however you want to describe it. But I have to ask something, for your own good." The man stared blankly into your open face, the almost wincing expression making him nervous. He realised you didn't want to speak this out loud. "Is being around a person like me not just going to be painful?"

"How so?" Shuffling round so you sat up, legs curled under you as the storm battled outside, you were determined to be as brutally honest as possible.

"Look. I can't promise you things, Levi. I can't sit here and say I'll be ok, or I'll never do it again, or I won't get into a depression that's hard to claw myself out of. That would be unfair." Placing your empty glass down, you held his stare to emphasise what you were about to say. "So what I'm asking is, do you really want to put yourself in a position where you could get badly hurt?" It was a fair and valid query, one which he had considered himself already.

"(F/N), I don't know what's going to happen one day to the next. One thing I've discovered though is that sitting there just fucking imagining being near you did nothing. I'm in a better place now, I can deal with things I couldn't handle before and believe me when I say this, I wouldn't want you to promise things you don't mean." Levi stopped to finish his drink and stow the receptacle carefully, small smile pulling at his lips, one not of humour but acceptance as he released his own harsh brand of the truth.

"I'm not going to say I like what you've done to yourself. Your scars aren't a fucking display of who you are or your personality. They're incredibly sad. But that isn't to suggest they make you any less of a person. Am I afraid of what might happen if we see where this could go? Yes. Am I going to do my best to ignore that shitty fear? Yes. Because I think there's no point in hiding away from things that may turn out to be great. You never achieve anything by doing nothing." It was quite the speech, one which had you at a loss to say anything in response. What he said made a kind of sense, though.

"I don't…I…how am I supposed to follow that?" Levi's smirk was genuine now, albeit self satisfied, any sign of the way he had laid himself bare gone.

"You can't, so don't even fucking try." Laughing, you watched his eyes soften as an important issue caused the giggles to cease.

"If there's no point hiding away, why did you watch me for so long before doing anything?"

"Fair question." He poured more wine, jumping slightly as something outside succumbed to mother nature. "The only answer for that is pure and simple stupidity."

"Come on, Levi. You're certainly not stupid."

"Perhaps not. Maybe this is more accurate." Shifting sideways, he got comfortable against the cushions, head laying into them. "I'm sure you've noticed I'm not exactly an approachable man? A far cry from the life and soul of the fucking party?"

"Your asshole exterior is quite funny, actually."

"Shut up. Anyway, what I was trying to say is I find it difficult to socialise and the more I put it off, the harder it became to do anything about it." It was as good an explanation as he could offer and thankfully, you appeared to accept it.

"Alright. I'm still a bit shocked though, Levi. Not angry, just…I don't know what to do with all of this." He had gotten rather close, cheek pressed into soft back of the couch and you both sat together in silence, eyes locked as silent reflection was held for a few minutes.

"So what now, (F/N)?" His voice was whispered almost.

"I thought you wanted to see where this could go?"

"Oh, I do." Closing the gap, two mouths joined once more as a hand brushed through your hair, laying gently on the back of your neck as it had been when you had first kissed, fingers digging in but not too hard. Reaching out, you pulled his body towards yours, arms round his shoulders as the pressure and heat of another human melded into you deliciously. Light pecks were interspersed with more hungry, open-mouthed bites, passion taking you over in a shower of electricity. Small moans of desire fought against the torrent outside, adding your own storm of lust to rival that which raged all around you.

Tongues curled together in slow, purposeful movements, tasting and revelling in being allowed to meet once again. Levi eventually pulled back, leaving you with wet, tingling lips as he cupped your face in gentle palms, a look of wonder in the silver orbs that hung close. Both of you knew it was going no further tonight, it couldn't. In your mind was a feeling of confusion along with the sensation of just wanting say fuck it, go ahead and do whatever - it was oddly exciting. The man who gazed at you was equally torn, the need to physically take this woman as his own was overcome by the knowledge that it would be a massive case of bad timing. Hey, I've been spying on you for weeks, fancy a fuck? No. That kind of action was sure to damage the fragile link the two of you had built up, the thin string holding you together already weakened this evening, ready to snap at any sign of a wrong move.

Smiling slightly, you leant your forehead onto his, eyes closed as you took a deep breath and stamped down on human nature, sitting back against the sofa. You reached over and took his pale hand in yours, holding loosely and giving him a look to convey this was ok, but only just. Levi understood and nodded.

"I'm sorry, (F/N)." Squeezing your grip, he laced his fingers into yours, attempting to let the genuine gravity of the apology sink in through your skin.

"Ok." You weren't going to say it was all alright or that he was forgiven completely, fine with the non-committal response. Sighing, the conversation was moved on. "You didn't tell me about your meeting."

"Hmm? Ah yes. Well, it seems I'm not content with just opening one restaurant at a time."

"Another already?"

"Mmm. A bit of a complex mission, to be honest. I definitely have a fucking screw loose."

"Is it going to be bigger than the one here?"

"No. In a different country." Your eyes widened at the statement, impressed at his entrepreneurial drive but also curious as to what that might mean.

"You moved to open this one, are you going to relocate again?" Trying not to sound needy, you maintained an air of indifference, unwilling to let him see anything but steady calm.

"Fuck no. I hate moving." That cleared it up, however so many questions remained. Picking at a stray thread on your clothes, something tickled inside your chest that had been threatening earlier and made your throat tighten. Heart pounding, hands clammy, you grinned and downed the rest of your wine, jumping up to get another fix. And then it happened, barrier broken so fast you had no idea what was going on, no chance to even try to pull the handbrake.

"So where is it going to be? Actually, don't tell me, I want to guess. Somewhere hot? Can you imagine trying to work in one of those kitchens when its boiling outside? I couldn't do it, I'd melt but then you must get used to it I mean people have different tolerance levels to everything even the sun and then maybe you could open one somewhere cold and see which one does best…" The sentence was unending, no verbal punctuation and Levi heard when you breathed in, the words kept coming, change in pitch suggesting air was still being supplied to your lungs. He smirked and crossed his legs, watching you prowl restlessly around the kitchen, gesticulating with the full glass and spilling drops of dark liquid everywhere.

This had been witnessed before, a somewhat sweet display of hyperactive energy, however he wondered what the full come down was like. At the club, you'd been tired already and fell asleep in the cab. The day after had seen you slumped and introverted so he wasn't sure what to expect. For the time being, Levi just let the excited chatter wash over him, basking in what you felt would be annoying, something conversely he found rather endearing. The momentary loss of concentration meant that when he tuned in again, a whole other subject matter was being discussed.

"…because if you don't have an address, you can't get a job but if you don't have a job you can't get an address it doesn't seem fair…" Unemployment and homelessness seemed to be the next point.

This one only lasted about twenty minutes, your mind randomly having prompted the outburst and finally reality crawled in like a wounded animal dragging itself under a bush to die. It wasn't quite as embarrassing as the first time had been for a number of reasons; it shouldn't have come as a shock, it didn't go on for so long and Levi obviously had some kind of feelings for you. Hopefully. Winding down the latest rant, you came to a halt and waggled your drink in his general direction, episode not over but resting.

"I should explain."

"About what?"

"This." Waving the item around with disregard, you hopped a bit on the spot with nervous energy. The man knew there were different types of your disorder, each one coming with their own delightfully morbid debilitating characteristics and he listened carefully as you virtually bounced off the walls, striding around and speaking quickly but confidently. Levi heard how you had been told these bouts were classed as only hypomania…only, ha. Whilst less extreme than the psychosis that often entered Isabel, it would be countered by sometimes worse depression. At first the elated periods lasted days, maybe a week, usually followed by the low, dark crush. As the years went by however, these became shorter, full-on instances a rarity and the 'normal' disposition was seen with more frequency.

Recently they seemed to be coming in bursts, just like now, small pockets of craziness which saw you over the moon and full of the belief that anything could be achieved - if someone had asked you to climb Everest, you'd have told them sure thing, no problem. See you at the top. After the mountain-conquering thoughts subsided, they usually left behind a buzz of self assurance and energy.

"Levi, I don't know when it's coming, it doesn't seem to be related to anything in real life and if anyone tries to tell me I'm off on one, I don't listen. I think when we were at your restaurant, it wasn't this, it must have just been one of those things. I can't stop it so I guess that was a bit of a mis-diagnosis." Words weren't spilling out so much now, pace slowing. "I suppose what I'm saying is I have no control but at least it doesn't go on for as long as it used to."

"What about the other way?"

"That can last a while, I'm afraid."

"How does it feel?"

"A bad one? I don't want to move, incapable of doing anything more than sit and think about horrible things." Levi nodded. He knew that well and appreciated your blunt, honest delivery. "But normally it's like how you've seen already, I just get into my head and want to be alone. No, not alone. Uncrowded." Deciding on that, you smiled faintly. "Well, you won't get bored, that's for sure. Still want to see where this is going?"

"I'm not one for a quiet life, (F/N)."

The two of you had chatted a while longer, shared some lighter hearted stories and inane facts about yourselves, things like what the last book you both read was, films you enjoyed, programmes you had stacked up but not yet gotten round to watching, the usual small talk which went a long way. You'd also spoken of the new venture, Levi's grand plans to open a place in France, a country he'd visited many times before and would be returning to in just over a month to start proceedings. You were still in high spirits, the residual strands coiled around your soul, but it was dangerous too. In these moods you had a tendency to lean towards excess; doing more, spending more, sleeping less, caring less, a combination that could be fatal in the right or wrong situation, depending on how you viewed it.

Levi had taken note of your actions, how the demented chattering had ceased but your body remained highly strung, unable to sit still, constantly changing position. The wine was disappearing rapidly too and he pondered how long this cloud of enthusiasm would linger and could it be just as harmful as the opposite partner, reckless choices made when you were convinced everything was fine, what could possibly go wrong on this glorious day? You were somewhat aware of the perils but once immersed, it was difficult to get a clear hold on real consequences, all of those swept under the carpet and out of sight.

The wind still whistled around your house but the rain had abated, allowing a beeping noise to be heard. "That's your clothes, hopefully nice and toasty." Rushing over, you stuck your head in the tiny room and opened the drier, black fabric now water-free. It's a bit fluffy in here, you thought. Could do with a clean. Giving Levi privacy a second time, you waited for the sound of a zip and turned to see him back in his standard gear.

"I'd better go before I get fucking soaked out there again." He looked over, thoughts on what might happen in here once he left. The man didn't want to leave, concerned about the fall out that you had explained before, however being in each other's presence right now would lead to something that would be wrong. Well, right, but ultimately wrong.

"Probably a good idea."

"You ok?"

"Of course Levi, why wouldn't I be? I've got shit to do anyway." You had said if someone questioned it, you'd likely ignore them and here it was.

"So…see you around?" Both standing by the door, slight awkwardness surrounding you, a nod was offered in response to his query.

"Sure." Levi came close and pressed his lips gently to yours, unsure if there would be resistance. There wasn't, only soft reciprocation.

"Again, I'm sorry (F/N)."

"Thank you." Gusts flew in as the entrance was opened and you stared after the fast retreating form, the hurrying man making a short journey home during the break in watery attacks. Smiling, you locked up and ran off to get some things done, taking advantage of the enthusiasm to achieve.

~~~~~~

It had been two in the morning when you finally finished cleaning, house spotless and utility room most certainly fluff-free, energy used for good instead of questionable behaviour. The red numbers on the alarm clock shone out to advise it was 6.38 and you were wide awake, eyes open and staring up at the ceiling, contemplating yesterday as the last worms of mania wriggled back inside, burrowing down to lay dormant until the next time. Picking up your phone, you remembered it was still switched off so held the button in, waiting for it to load. You placed it on the sheets beside you and turned, staring at the device as the sporadic vibrations started to cease.

Once it was still, you opened the messages and saw about eighty million waiting, all from either Hange or Levi. Most of the man's had been sent yesterday, advising he was on his way over, he had to speak with you. As you deleted the out of date words, the events of last night ran through your darkening mind, opposite collection of feelings ready to take hold and there was nothing you could do about it. Perhaps your impending elation had allowed the kiss, chats accepted once you were fully in it's grip. Right now though, distinct wariness enveloped you, unable to make a solid decision as to whether or not Levi was someone you wished to have in your life.

Reaching the end of the old texts, you saw today's short offerings, sent about an hour ago. He was up early too, it seemed.

"Morning."

"Call when you're awake."

Closing that thread, you put your attention on the ones from Hange, all very small and fully capable of being merged into a handful instead of the barrage which ended at midnight. The gist of them was that she was worried, wanted to know if you were ok, what happened with short stuff, don't make me come over there, all that kind of thing. You felt bad for causing her concern, that sensation of needing to be babysat making you scowl and inwardly chide yourself. Grow up, stop being so fucking weak, these people have their own lives, they don't need to be checking up on me constantly, for fuck sakes.

Tapping a quick reply to the avalanche of messages, you told your friend you were fine, just tired, everything got sorted. You thought it had been, anyway, but now that seed of doubt was planted and roots were trying to embed themselves in your brain. Sighing, you dropped the phone to the bed, glaring at it and pulling the covers up around your ears. Not much would be achieved today. Should I call him, you wondered, see what he has to say? Or shall I just dwell in the increasing abyss of sorrow and lethargy that is settling into my bones? The second option would be the easiest as you couldn't even be bothered to move your hand to pick the thing up. Maybe you needed to push yourself, though. Snap out of it. Slowly, you dragged your arm from the warmth and clutched around to find the mobile, unlocking with your thumb and frowning at the contact list.

Levi hadn't slept much. He tried but failed, his own thoughts on yesterday keeping his mind on edge and allowing only short cat naps. Who had accepted his kiss? His admission and apology? Hyperactive, standard or depressed? Certainly not the last one. You were on the border of the others at the time so he just couldn't fucking tell. When all was considered though, the one who had been there was you, no one else, only the woman he may have just screwed up everything with.

Every five minutes he checked his phone to be met with nothing, no flashing lights, no incoming call. Sitting at the kitchen table, he twirled a half drunk cup of tea with a lazy hand and watched the whirlpool that ensued inside. He had stuff to get done today, more calls and plans for the new venture which now seemed like the most irrelevant thing in his world. Had he fucked up that bad? His explanation was as honest as it was ridiculously pathetic, the only hope being that you would realise he hadn't made it up.

A shrill noise made him jump and he scooped up the offending item, answering the call instantly with a shot of adrenaline. "Hi."

"Mmm." You had it on speaker, not able to even hold the damn piece of plastic as you grunted your hello from the wrap of sheets around your body, eyes shut. Levi didn't like the sound at all, a hum of total disregard.

"How are you?"

"Meh." He imagined you flopped down somewhere, hating him. But you'd called, so…was it just the low? If that was the case, surely he should do something? Did you even remember yesterday?

"Do we need to talk again, (F/N)?"

"I don't have amnesia, Levi." The soft mumble sounded like it came from inside a bag of cotton wool. Insecurity trickled into his stomach, cold, heavy rocks weighing him down.

"Would you rather I left you alone?"

"I don't mind." Shuffling round in the bed, you didn't mean it to come out so uncaring, however you could give little more. Levi mentally shook himself for being so self indulged, this was nothing to do with him, it was a result of the illness. You'd said you wanted to be uncrowded in these instances, would one person be too much? Despite the awful revelations he'd delivered, you had still got in contact and he certainly didn't want to think about you lying on your own in the darkness with only your thoughts for company. Feeling like a teenager, he swallowed his nerves and spoke quietly.

"Can I come round?"

"If you want."

"Is the door unlocked?"

"No. Spare." Mumbling, you attempted to form the right words. "In the wooden box." Levi nodded to no one, ready to hunt down the extra key come hell or high water.

"Ok. I'll be there in a minute."

"Ungh." The call disconnected on his end and disappeared from your screen and you flipped onto your back, arm across your forehead. All energy had gone from your being, leaving behind a deep seated hatred for yourself, exhausted by the prospect of having to survive another day. Perhaps Levi will help me, you wondered. Let me escape all of this and allow peace. There wasn't a distinct thought or desire in mind, only a flatline that manifested in the disability which rendered you useless. That was it, useless. What good were you doing here, wasting valuable oxygen and taking up space in the world? It would be best to go and join your parents. Or, if not that, punish yourself for existing, such a wretched example of mankind. But even that took effort.

Fishing through the small flower box, pale fingers unearthed the metal item and with a deep breath, Levi let himself in to your home. The first thing he noticed was how clean it was as he slipped his shoes off. Not to say the place was a mess before, but this was gleaming. You'd been busy. No sign of the woman downstairs, he ascended to new ground and stuck his head round the first door; plain bed, not much stuff, obviously a spare. Secondly, bathroom and then the way up to the top floor. Which left the last one, entrance ajar and he steadied himself for what might occur today.

"(F/N)?" A shape moved under the covers in the dim area, light from the hallway giving a faint view.

"Hmm?" The man got close and sat on the side of the bed, gazing down at the dead expression on your face. This was worse than what he'd observed before, it seemed this could be one of those instances which might see you housebound for days. He had to help. Try.

"You need anything?"

"No."

"Have you eaten?"

"No."

"You hungry?"

"No." Questions didn't work, he knew that from past experience with his friend but attempted all the same. In a bold and maybe erroneous move, Levi made the choice to do something which used to aid Isabel, before she was overwhelmed entirely. Distraction. Climbing onto the mattress, he pulled you across so your back laid into his chest, arm over your waist. No protests were given so he started to talk, meaningless garbage which provided a purring background noise into your ear, reciting the mechanics behind his latest recipe and how to cook it to perfection.

You were vaguely aware of the words but paid no attention, trying to focus on the warmth beside you, an unexpected but comforting sensation. Without realising what he was doing to you, the fatigue kicked in and your lids began to close again, soothed by the nonsense. In this kind of state, you would sleep regularly, waste days in bed but at least whilst not awake you had no terrible thoughts. Feeling your body relax, Levi trailed off and lay still, listening to the steady intakes of air and soon drifted away himself.


	9. Company

Levi had managed to coax softly when you both woke up four hours later, enticed the woman downstairs and into reality. Having company was actually helping, you discovered, the loneliness that ran through you at most points in life pushed away by being in the presence of someone else. In the past, your depression had purposefully been spent alone, hiding away and shutting the doors on people as you felt like a burden. But here you were, sitting at the breakfast bar eating toast, able to hold a light conversation and contribute to the chat. No one had forced themselves in during one of these episodes, so perhaps it was a good thing that this guy was so damn stubborn. What could have manifested into days of loathing was being broken by another person.

You hadn't spoken about the fact you shared a nap, the instance wasn't about anything sexual, only that care Levi was so intent on providing. Still in pyjamas, you had made no effort to get dressed properly, that struggle a step too far and luckily he didn't seem to mind as he continued speaking.

"Once I've called that prick, it should be a sealed deal. Won't be fucking easy, though."

"How do you manage so many places?"

"I own them but I have someone in charge in each one."

"Makes sense." Nodding, you took a small gulp of coffee and prodded at the left over crusts on your plate. Levi was elated that your previous lack of life had disappeared somewhat. The blank look was still on your face, one of contemplation but slightly calmer now, stony yet pain free. He wasn't sure if it was going to be bad timing, but decided to take the chance and ask a question.

"(F/N)?"

"Yea?"

"How are you? Honestly?"

"Better than before, thank you."

"Up to doing anything?"

"No, not yet." He didn't want to push you against your will, so made a suggestion.

"I've got some bits to sort out. When I'm done, I could come back?"

"If you'd like." The apathy wasn't personal and he nodded.

"Ok (F/N). See you later?"

"Ok Levi." He stood and placed a kiss on the top of your head, reluctantly leaving and stashing the key back where he found it as the remnants of last night's storm blew leaves and rubbish around the streets. Back inside, you sighed and shuffled to the sofa, blanket pulled up as you lit a cigarette. All this time and you had thought it was better to remain alone at these times when it seemed the opposite might be true. With that in mind, you picked up your phone and rang Hange, knowing that Mikasa would already be working.

"What's wrong (F/N)? You ok?"

"Yea…no. Well, I'm in a bit of a slump but I wanted to chat."

"Oh, ok…I'm not due in for a few hours, shall I pop round?"

"That would be great if you don't mind?"

"Of course not sweetie. Be there soon." You made no effort to look presentable or tidy the dishes, content that this was a step in the right direction. Twenty minutes later and she was here, bouncing through the open door with a look of both happiness and reservation. Plonking down next to you, she scrutinised your features, stroking your slightly mad hair down.

"What can I do? You need anything?" Another person fussing. It did still make you feel bad but at the same time you knew this wouldn't be happening if they didn't want to do it.

"No I'm ok, I've had something to eat. I just…well…"

"Tell me." With a deep breath, you explained yesterday, not in any depth but that you and Levi had a disagreement, one which was on it's way to being sorted and then the ensuing high which ended like this. You added in revelation of how comforting company was. "Oh honey, that's good though, right?"

"I guess."

"Guess?"

"I don't want to make people feel obliged to look after me."

"(F/N), listen right now. We don't feel obliged. We do it because we want to. Remember that time I was really sick?" You did; hungover may have been the right word, but never mind. "So you remember what you did? You held my hair back while I threw up, sat with me in bed to talk? Made me herbal tea?"

"Yes but you were…"

"Sick, (F/N). That's right." Your friend let that brew inside your mind a while and you smiled.

"Thanks Hange."

"No need. All I have to do is sit here. You had to deal with vomit." Laughing lightly, you realised she made sense. Illness in any form, physical or mental had to be treated with care and attention by those closest to a person and whilst not the same, you did try to look after your friends too. Hange had stayed a while until she had to leave, a finger pointed in warning from where she stood by the door. "You need me, call. And you're not coming into work tomorrow."

"I'll be fine, honest."

"But (F/N)…"

"Hange? I need to be around people. Please?"

"Ok. If you're sure?"

"Sure."

"Take care, (F/N)."

"I will. Thank you." She waved it away, don't mention it, my pleasure and slipped out into the blustery world. Home now silent, you fidgeted and searched for your phone, blinking light announcing someone had tried to get in touch. There was a text from around half an hour ago advising you that Levi had finished what he needed to do and was on his way over. Hopefully he wouldn't mind that you were still in pyjamas and had a bush for hair. A tap came from the front of the house and you dragged yourself from under the blanket, not as reluctantly as you would have usually moved. The sight was unexpected and you quickly grabbed for some of the paper bags in the man's arms to help.

"Thanks. I don't know why they haven't heard of fucking handles." Stepping back to let him in, you smiled lightly at the continued grumbles and followed his form through to the kitchen where his offerings were laid out, piles of ingredients placed carefully down. "I made an assumption, so tough shit if you don't want me to cook." The reaction was not as he imagined and arms suddenly wrapped tightly round his body, female figure holding on fervently. It took him by surprise at first as you buried your face into his chest but he regained himself and hugged back, strong limbs enveloping you. Physical contact had been made before, obviously, however not like this. It was emotional rather than passionate and Levi breathed in deeply, overjoyed at the embrace and the fact there were no hitches of sobs, a togetherness bourne of something other than sorrow.

Leaning back, you kept your hold and smiled again, staring up into the soft grey eyes that looked back with a kind of confusion. "I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

"These past four years I've been afraid of loneliness and all I did was drive most people away, keep my friends out when I was at my worst. You and your pig headedness has let me realise I need to allow others in." A twitch of an eyebrow and flicker on his lips made you stifle a laugh.

"Pig headedness? I do fucking excel at that, (F/N). Glad I could be of assistance."

"You were. You are." He led you to the sofa and sat down closely, gaze never leaving yours as you heard the sound of rain starting up once more, splattering on the building. It made your body warmer and caused a sense of protection at being inside and in company.

"So how do you feel?"

"Honestly Levi? Ok. I feel ok." There was no need to explain further, the change in demeanour was enough. "Hange came over too, just missed her actually."

"Thank fuck for that."

"Hey!" You lay into his shoulder, sighing with the realisation that you could see a light, a way to overcome and conquer. Tilting your head up, you brushed your cheek against his, eyelids closing in contentment as two sets of lips ghosted together. Unlike last night, this was right, desired. Placing small kisses on his receptive mouth, you turned to squeeze into the heat of his abdomen, hands on the back of his neck and fingers in the raven hair. Levi sighed, that same sense of honest want running through his veins. This wasn't moving fast by either of your past standards, although it was very, very different, raw but not without feeling, gentle yet fiery. And it meant something.

Hands gripped you suddenly, lifting your figure up so you sat on top of him, legs either side of his as tongues trailed delectably together like they were discovering each other for the first time. His impatience got the better of him and in a decisive sweep, he pulled your top off, lips connected again as soon as possible as he felt your warm skin under his touch, palms gliding up and down your soft back. In the interest of fairness, you took hold of his t-shirt, allowing access to the toned chest that was lying beneath the dark garment.

Levi shook it away, naked torsos becoming one, fusing together perfectly. He stopped and tore away from the kiss, panting for air while you nipped at his neck, the throb of his pulse beneath your pout along with the buzz of words. "Shit…I haven't got…"

"Upstairs." Growling into the wet flesh, you sprung up and grabbed his hand, practically running, not wanting to break the embrace for any longer than needed. Crashing into your bedroom, two bodies fell to the mattress, picking up where they left off, hands exploring as you whimpered into Levi's mouth, on the verge of begging to be rid of your other clothes. There hadn't been a massive build up, no weeks of flirting and anticipation but it felt like that all the same, a carnal need driving you both with a power that had to be obeyed. The man reached down to tackle your pyjama shorts, sitting up to pull them away. He was vaguely aware of other tattoos, however was so focussed he barely noticed.

Neither of you spoke, the now thunderous rain providing a soundtrack and you stared up into his silver-flecked eyes, saw the way his lips were parted as deep breaths came from his aching lungs, all the while slowly undoing his belt buckle, drawing out the action as he gazed down with a look of pure unadulterated lust. After what seemed like hours, he finally pulled the leather away, remaining clothes discarded to the side as laid down next to you, hands groping to take hold of anything they could, just desperate to touch one another. Levi nuzzled his face in between your shoulder and neck, sliding his mouth across the eager skin, licks and faint biting motions applied as he moved his hand, sending a bolt of pleasure through your bones as he teased at your clit.

"Ah fuck!" The smirk on your flesh let you know he was enjoying himself, playing lazily and driving you insane. Without warning, you were being pulled up and found yourself straddling him again where he knelt on the bed. Curling your arms around his neck, you held back from actually kissing, giving a taste of the excruciating teasing as you smiled, avoiding being captured by his lips. His hands were strongly on your back, keeping you near as he looked up to see your bright (e/c) eyes, the ones he had only dreamt of seeing in this state. Keeping up on your knees, you dominated in height as he was resting back on his heels.

Apart from your previous uncontrollable cry, still no words were exchanged, they weren't required and you did everything possible to stop yourself from lowering down on the hard member that was so very, very close. In that moment, you understood completely how people ended up getting carried away. Giving in to safety you leant back, bending and turning to allow Levi a view of your body as you reached into the drawer and threw a packet over, pushing up to where you had just been in a complicated and slightly painful manoeuvre. The man complied, securing the item in place and stroking it down a few times with a smirk.

He moved a fraction to allow you to get closer, your hands on his soft undercut, fingers pressing in then combing through the liquorice locks as he held your waist with one hand, the base of his cock with the other to angle it correctly. Now able to do what you wanted to a minute ago, you rolled your hips down and forwards to take his length in, incredibly languid motion meaning you could feel each other wholly. Groans punctuated the move and you clung together tightly, noses touching as you pulled back, only to thrust down strongly, large erection filling you to the hilt. The way in which Levi knelt left him without much ability to join in, letting you take control and set the pace. Dipping his head, he licked at your breasts as they bounced lightly with each grind, circling your nipple with his tongue.

"Oh god…" Calling out again, you moved to grip around his shoulders for purchase, giving yourself more force and speeding up.

"Shit (F/N)…that's good…god yes…" Taking your lips in his once more, he grabbed hold of your ass, pushing down in time to assist the increasing velocity.

"Fuck…oh Levi…fuck…" Throwing your head back, you gave him access to your neck again, an invitation he didn't hesitate to accept, greedily kissing at the newly offered area.

"I can't hold back, (F/N)…ahhh…" Snarling, he took your thighs and flipped you onto your back, now pounding incredibly in and out as you bucked up, hips hitting against his. Laying over you, Levi leant on one elbow and tangled his other hand in your hair, pulling lightly to gain a clear line to your throat, previous attention applied again along with breathless mutters. "Oh shit yea…fucking hell…"

"Yes Levi…yes..." Lifting his head, he released the grip and pressed his palm to the sheets, faces close as you locked eyes, pumping together in intense pleasure. You saw the way his open mouth widened almost imperceptibly and felt yourself begin to unravel, stomach bursting with the beginnings of your orgasm. "Fuck…I'm coming Levi…oh god...harder, yes…yes…ah yes!" Gasping in air, you shouted out in a loud peal of ecstasy, nails digging into the porcelain back above you as the world tumbled all around, background blurred and irrelevant while your whole body shook beneath the pale man.

The look of release on your face combined with the way you clenched around him ended Levi, unable to retain any composure as he reached his own appetizing climax. "(F/N)...shit…ohhh fucking shit yes!" Thrusting deeply with deliberate, forceful movements, he growled, a sound which turned into a prolonged moan as his being trembled with satisfaction, slowing and eventually stopping his hips from twitching forwards. Collapsing down, Levi's face was against your cheek, hot and fast breaths tickling as you both attempted to draw in air. Gulping deeply, his low voice trailed over your skin.

"Wow. Fuck." Letting out a whispering laugh, you nodded, hand on your forehead and eyes closed.

"Yep. I agree." Staying together a while, the matter of the clean up sadly made itself known as the man gave a tut of disgust. "Shit. Sorry, bathroom's just down the hall."

"Stop fucking apologising, (F/N)." He left you with a series of small kisses on parted lips and you felt the mattress bounce as he shuffled off to sort himself out. Grabbing a tissue, you made do with that and pulled on your pyjamas, lying back - no point in finding clothes today. The naked man joined you again, mouths touching lightly and hands caressing. Shining silver eyes stared into yours as he ran his touch through your hair, stroking the now even fuzzier mess away from your face with a small smile.

"What?"

"Nothing." Levi sighed, content with the moment and the unfamiliar feeling of participating in something true. "Hungry?"

"Little bit." The darkness was lifting, pool of deep water not as bleak as before. It wasn't purely down to sex, more so being in the presence of others and the new found realisation that it helped.

~~~~~~

Ready to burst, you laid back on the sofa, wine on the go and a fulfilled glow about you both. Levi had cooked an amazing meal, one which had gone down well. The wind and rain still assaulted the house and the man by your side grumbled whilst vacantly staring at the television. "I'm not looking forward to going out in that shit."

"Then don't. Stay here." He turned to face you, raising an eyebrow.

"Very forward, (F/N)?"

"Levi, I think we've moved further than suggestively asking you in for coffee."

"Perfectly acceptable, then. I'm still not sure though." You knew he was playing but still felt a pang of fear at what might come next, bloody Erwin's warning trying to pick it's way into your mind. No. He's changed. Everything you'd told each other in such a short space of time confirmed that. Didn't it?

"What do you mean?"

"You might fucking snore." Hitting him a bit harder than intended, you scowled with mock anger, previous thoughts drifting away easily.

"I fucking don't." The room went into comfortable silence once more, news chatting away on the screen attached to the wall. After a few minutes, a hand pulled up your pyjama vest then tugged at your shorts. "Oi! Careful, gropey!"

"Who did these ones?" Levi had recalled the flash of colour on each of your hips, greens and blues sitting at your pelvic bones.

"Eren. For someone so good at flirting, he always got flustered when he worked on a woman so I was his test subject." Grey eyes took in the well-executed designs, neoclassical style swallows standing out nicely. Circling a finger over the area, he muttered in a voice laced with both fatigue and the joy of a full stomach.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes. It's a needle drilling into you." He sniffed at your sarcasm and continued to roll his touch around the outlines.

"Fuck that."

"What? Too much of a pussy?"

"No. I just don't want to spoil my perfect fucking skin."

"Whatever." His digit moved across to the other one he'd seen, a larger piece that spanned from under your right breast all the way to below the waist, lines of perfect script filling your side. He caught a few words but felt oddly rude reading it, registering only a slight amount - "…kill it all away but I remember everything..." It sounded vaguely familiar but the way you had tensed slightly caused him to roll your top back down.

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"That's personal."

"It's ok. Look if you want."

"Maybe another time." He wasn't shying away, just parking it for later. You realised this too and smiled. Sure, you had the damn thing tattooed on your body, if it was going to be that awkward when people noticed, why do it? In reality it had helped to have the writing done, lying down and letting someone etch it on as a kind of therapy. Open to discussing it, you were all the same glad that the chat had been shelved, content to remain cruising.

"Any more I haven't seen?"

"That's for you to discover, Levi."

~~~~~~

As a calm morning descended on the suburbs, you stretched and gazed at the serene form to your left, face still and free of any bored frowns. Smiling, you thought of how the man had made it his mission to hunt all of your ink down, finding the only remaining one easily, an owl in flight on the top of your spine. That had been unearthed during last night's energetic activities, precisely at the time you had been pressed against the bedroom wall, hands on the flat surface above the headboard in another moment of passion.

Shivering at the recollection, you got yourself quietly out of bed so as not to wake Levi, pulling on your pyjamas again before making your way downstairs to start a pot of coffee up. The machine whirred and bubbled as your favourite blend percolated through the filters. The smell was incredible. It must have travelled as you heard a noise from upstairs signalling the man was on his way to join you.

"Tch. Don't you have any tea?"

"Yea, cupboard with the mugs." Rooting around, he tried to locate the relevant place, opening the doors he would keep drinking receptacles behind but finding only plates and pans. Nudging him, you pointed to the one above his head, smirking at his annoyance.

"Who keeps fucking cups there?" He was essentially insulting your kitchen order, pulling out some boxes and scrutinizing the drinks on offer. Grumbling to himself, Levi selected one which would have to do for now and tried to locate the kettle. That was at least easier than the teabags. Drinks in hand, the two of you sat closely on the sofa.

"I've got work soon." Muttering into the quiet room, you made no attempt to actually get up though, instead opting for laziness. The threads of yesterday's depression were almost gone, leaving your body with a slow yet definite pace to allow the standard, placid waters to lap against your brain. A small knot drilled into your mind, a thought which had to be voiced whether you wanted to or not. "Levi?"

"Yea?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"I'll try." He was careful like you, unwilling to commit unless the full story was out there.

"Don't go back to that coffee shop." The man sat up straight, eyes on your unreadable expression. It was stupid to imagine that the subject would never come around again but he had kind of hoped that day was going to be further into the future.

"Ok." Levi sipped his tea and kept his face steady, not letting any emotion through even though his nerves were frayed. "Have you…?" The query couldn't quite be finished, male unable to conclude it in fear of the answer. You understood.

"Forgiven you? To a degree. Like I said, I'm not angry, just processing."

"And what does that mean for…this?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing, (F/N)?"

"Yes. Nothing. I'd rather like to see where this is going, too." Offering a smile, you watched as worry seemed to drain visibly from his body, relaxing at your words. For a moment he remained still, eventually allowing his own smirk to appear on thin lips as he decided that you were both in a place where humour could be injected.

"I'll find a new fucking place to get my drinks."


	10. Friends And Foes

Blue eyes watched you closely from behind the front desk, making sure that there were no sign of distress or upset. Erwin had taken note of your behaviour, the way it was normal and mild, the way you threw back insults in Eren's direction whilst cleaning down your table, the way you smiled warmly at those around you. Of course Hange had spoken with the blonde, explained the argument between you and Levi and the visit to your home yesterday. She didn't do it to gossip, only out of care. The large man had made the choice to keep quiet, monitor the situation and step in if required, an action he hoped not to have to take. You'd been tight-lipped about anything relating to his friend, no suggestions or hints at what the quarrel had related to or how it had been concluded, no mention of how much time you'd spent together or what you'd done. It seemed to be alright though, whatever 'it' was and he allowed a small smile to cross his previously stern features. "See? Told you she was ok."

"I know Hange. I just worry."

"Well don't burst a blood vessel. Look. Yesterday could've turned into a week or more, you know that, but it didn't."

"She's really pulled herself out, hasn't she?"

"Yes. And that's what we're all here for, each other. Not that evil eye you're shooting her way."

"It's not evil."

"Then calm down." The bell rang to announce a new customer, a huge man with a serious face and a look of determination. Jumping up, you got there first and greeted the hulking male, chatting casually about what he wanted and where. Behind you, Annie worked on her own client, Mikasa having taken the day off and Eren was now waiting for you to get on with it, hopping about and ready to learn. Armin was here too, naturally, sitting at the back unnoticed by all. Well, nearly all. Unbeknownst to everyone else, your most recent patron had spotted him, the frowning smile growing larger as he saw the younger man shrink into his seat. Turning his attention back to you, he explained how he was looking for an torn-skin piece, one which would seem like his arm had been ripped open to expose bones beneath, only the bones would be metal, kind of like a bad ass Terminator.

He was led through and you stencilled a design, loose outlines to be pressed to his flesh and the details added free hand. It took some time and you spoke lightly, discussing random things like what he did for a living. The guy was a construction worker, his size lending itself to heavy lifting and manual labour. Eventually finished, the blue tracing was applied and you disinfected his inner arm, wiping the cold spray up and down before lining your inks along the surface. Ready to go, you looked up.

"Ok? All set?"

"All set." It wasn't his first so you hoped for little resistance. Moving in delicate strokes, you began the image, Eren close by your side at all times. The three of you held a conversation, alternating between techniques and the usual pleasantries exchanged in these situations. The one under the needle was the only of the trio to notice Armin leave.

The afternoon came and after nearly three hours you were done, neither you nor the man needing to stop for a break - he wanted it through as soon as possible. Thanks and hand shakes were given along with cash payment to Erwin, a kiss placed on your cheek in gratitude. Using the lull to your advantage, you slipped outside for a cigarette, thinking about what to have for lunch and wondering what Levi was up to.

In reality he was up to nothing, thoroughly bored as he sipped his tea, staring out the window of the café, one which was nowhere near the tattoo studio. It wasn't just out of respect for your request - he'd already decided never to visit that place again. A few calls had been made, meetings arranged and his trip to France unexpectedly brought forwards, departure date just under two weeks from now. He'd only be gone days but seeing as he was missing your company after a few hours, it would likely feel like months. Pouring another drink, he picked up his phone and typed some words into the search engine, the ones he had read on your skin last night. The results popped up instantly and he nodded. That was it, a song ultimately about drug addiction but one whose lyrics could be applied to people's own struggles, including yours.

Thinking intensely, he kept the device in his hand and gazed into the distance. He'd never been in so deep, the sensation of longing to be in someone's presence an unknown to him and he pondered what this might mean. Was it finally time to be selfless and give himself to another? Spend time with you and share his being wholly? It certainly seemed that way. Looking down, he typed out a message and sent the virtual sentence across town.

Standing out on the street, you smiled as Armin walked in, scowling slightly. When did he leave? Why did he look so timid and thoughtful, more so than usual? Making a note to ask, you pulled out the vibrating item from your pocket and read the short query, replying quickly to start a soundless conversation.

"What time do you finish?"

"About four."

"Fancy helping me unpack later?"

"You're still living out of boxes?"

"Afraid so. I can sweeten the deal?"

"How would you do that, Levi?"

"I have wine. And a fucking captivating personality."

"You're on. What number do you live at?" You knew the road from when you'd first been out together but not the exact location.

"32. Welcome any time."

"I'll remember that." Grinning, you stubbed your smoke out and turned to walk back in.

While you were tapping out your words, more were being held inside the shop, tense and whispered ones between a young couple.

"Where have you been, babe?"

"Just…just out for a walk, Eren."

"Don't lie. I know that face, what are you afraid of?"

"N-nothing…"

"Armin?"

"That guy before…"

"The big one?"

"Y-yea…" Green eyes widened as he put two and two together, hopefully making four and not seventeen.

"Was that? It was! That fucking bastard! I'll kill him."

"Don't be silly Eren, please. It was in the past, I..."

"No! I won't let him get away with hurting you like that!" The brunette was painfully aware of what his boyfriend had been through, the teasing and taunting at school for being so clever and quiet, things he usually tried to ignore but this guy had been the worst, physical torment added in with intense bullying. "I'll find Reiner and teach him a fucking lesson." Eren rushed to the door, shouting that he was taking his break early and flew past you, body a blur as it shot down the street.

"What's going on?" Confused faces found Armin, his skin ashen and mouth open.

"He…he's gone to find Reiner."

"Who?"

"That man you just worked on."

"Why, what…?"

"Hang on, did you say Reiner?" Annie had joined in, giving the man on her table a rest from the pain for a moment. She'd gone to school with the smaller blonde and recalled the beatings that had been inflicted. "I almost didn't recognise him. Shit, he's huge now."

"I know. And Eren isn't." Armin filled you all in, explaining in scant detail what had gone on years ago.

"Oh fuck." You gave the last thoughts on the matter and dashed out, unsure what you might be able to do but wanting to provide any kind of assistance, even if that was just trying to break up a fight. Erwin was following as you rushed down roads, staring around everywhere for any sign of your friend or sounds of a scuffle. Eventually you turned to shouting, calling the man's name as you wildly scanned the area. A foot was visible from behind a wall, alley way rarely travelled and you sped up, racing towards the familiar shoe. The sight was awful, Eren's bloodied face looking into your sorrowful eyes from where he sat against the bricks.

"Oh Eren, what did he do? Shit, come here." Dropping to your knees, you hugged him close, soothing with small noises and stroking his brown hair.

"Is he still around?" Erwin's low growl was murderous while he helped you both up, your arm supporting the fallen man as he held on across smaller shoulders.

"No, he ran off about five minutes ago." Voice thick, Eren sniffed and spat red liquid to the ground. "Don't worry. I got my own punches in there too." He grinned, pleased with his attack even if it had ended worse for him. Armin was worth it a thousand times over and the tall boss snarled.

"If you see him again, let me know. I'll rip his fucking head off." Making your way back slowly, you used the back streets, not wanting to draw any attention. Most people round here probably wouldn't give a shit, but all it took was one to be nosey and make the wrong assumptions. The reaction in the studio was loud and horrified, Annie's client now gone luckily and everyone crowded round Eren, sitting him carefully and fussing. Armin was crying, hands holding his partner's swollen ones as he sobbed lowly, telling the man off for getting into a fight.

"I had to though. That piece of shit deserved what I gave him."

"But look what he did!"

"I don't care. I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Fiercely loyal, the brunette gave his lover a grave look that said it all while Hange dealt with the injuries. He was lucky not to have broken his nose, something she could have clicked back into place if needed however it was preferable not to put that skill to use. Erwin paced, furious steps thundering through the shop as you brought out a bottle of scotch from the back office, offering a plastic cup full to Eren. He took it with thanks and threw it back, gulping the drink down in one. "Sorry guys."

"Don't be silly. That's what family's for, honey." Hange smiled and patted his head, ruffling hair as she stood back, examining the wounds. "All better. You'll get some nasty bruises, mind. Now, you love birds go home. Armin, look after your man."

"I will." Wiping tears away, the blonde aided the male out and you saw him hail a cab.

"Shit." Shaking your head, you watched them climb in and drive away.

"So hot headed." Annie was smiling lightly despite her statement.

"It's kind of cute."

"Really (F/N)? You think Levi would fight for your honour?"

"Annie, shut up." Flushing red, you looked at Erwin and his angered expression. "He'll be ok."

"I know, it's not the point though. That was unacceptable. The guy needs to pay."

"Erwin, please, don't…"

"No Hange. I get that Eren went looking for it, but I won't see those close to me hurt." Everyone stood quietly, contemplating what the large shop owner might do. The darkness on his face was terrifying. No one spoke anymore on the subject, just got on with life as usual and you sent a message to Eren wishing him well. Time went by slowly, agonising ticks of minutes that seemed like days until finally four o'clock rolled in. Stomach filled with butterflies, you gathered your things and bounced for the door, calling your goodbyes.

"Have fun (F/N)! See you tomorrow?"

"You will indeed, Hange. Oh." You got close to your friend to keep it private. "Try and calm him down."

"How would I…oh fuck it. Yea, I will. I know a good way." She winked and you laughed, trying not to think about the two of them together but your vivid imagination was a curse right now. Leaving before you could blush again, the familiar route home was taken, only this time it would continue five roads more.

At number 32 you stopped and took in the house, similar to yours but without the attic space, neat front patio free of weeds and mud, small row of pots on the porch which had no plants in whatsoever. The place looked deserted, no visible lights on and the curtains drawn. It was getting dark already so that was understandable and you pressed the bell for attention. In seconds, the door swung open and you were granted entry by a small bow and a sweep of the hand.

"Why, thank you."

"My pleasure, (F/N)." Grinning at the gentlemanly gesture, you slid your shoes off and stepped into the main home, pretty much the same layout to your own as these had all been built at the same time. The only blatant difference was that the kitchen was much bigger, extension to the back leading out into the garden. Cupboards of shining white stood out perfectly against the black marble surfaces, utensils hung in lines of gleaming metal and books were stacked to one side, all culinary volumes in order of size.

"Wow."

"Hmm?"

"It's massive."

"Thanks." Arms curled round your waist from behind and a kiss appeared on your ear, the mischievous tone not unnoticed.

"I meant the kitchen."

"Yea right." Turning, you met his suggestive stare and smiled as you put your hands on his hips.

"Ok, you got me." Lips met with gentle passion, soft pecks shared with hums of contentment. You'd woken up together this morning but it seemed like forever. This man did things you'd thought would be out of your reach, caused a longing that was pleasant and desperate all at once. Throwing caution to the wind, you leant back and voiced what you were thinking.

"I missed you." Levi felt a spark in his chest, his earlier musings repeated back to him by the one he was becoming further consumed by. Keeping his cool, he smirked to betray the intense sense of need.  
"I know (F/N). I told you, that's my captivating personality."

"Well it seems that you might have missed me too, Levi." Raising your brows, you gave him a sweet smile as (e/c) eyes flicked down and up quickly, gesturing to the distinct bulge below.

"Certainly have." Mouths came together again as Levi walked you backwards towards the stairs.

~~~~~~

Lying naked on the mattress, you glanced round the bedroom with a frown, body still buzzing as the man strode back in from the en suite, another difference to your place. "What?"

"So basically you unpacked the kitchen stuff but nothing else?" Suit bags hung from wardrobe doors, boxes full of god knows what sat in the corner and the window didn't even have curtains, just a rail. Luckily, the house wasn't overlooked otherwise people would have gotten an eyeful of your energetic sex. A pale hand was offered and you were pulled up into his bare body, warm hands on your back.

"I unpacked the important things." Laughing, you gave him a quick kiss then turned to hunt down your clothes. Pulling on his own underwear, Levi remembered he had some news. "My trip's been changed, going next Thursday."

"How long for?" Shoving your legs in denim trousers, you glanced over to see the grumpy expression.

"Back on the Sunday evening." Zip dealt with, he grabbed his top. "I don't know why I'm fucking moaning. My choice."

"A necessary evil?"

"Quite." There was something else, a fact that he knew would not go down well but it needed to be said. "I'm taking the train." It was the most sensible option, why fly when the airport was miles from the centre of Paris? The fast locomotive would deliver him to the core in only a couple of hours. You froze. Of course he would be going that way, however hearing it out loud made your breath catch in your chest and skin crawl with trepidation. Trying to keep cool, you forced yourself to continue dressing and a sing song voice came from within, a completely foreign sound.

"I've never been on one of those types, they're supposed to be nice." Levi wasn't fooled for a minute and waited for you to get the dark t-shirt on before bringing you into another embrace, holding your head into his body carefully with a palm so he didn't have to see those sorrowful (e/c) eyes.

"I'll be fine, ok? I've done it loads of times, it's actually quite boring."

"I know." Gulping back the sense of fear, you told yourself this was silly, there was no way he would suffer the same fate as your parents, it wasn't even the same line. That icy clutch was still on your heart though, refusing to let go and allow you to see how ridiculous you were being.

"Hey? Listen?" Lifting your chin with a finger, Levi finally locked onto the scared orbs and sighed. So beautiful yet so sad. "It's not for nearly two weeks. We can have fun trying to forget about it, yes?" It worked. He had made you smile.

"Let me recover first!"

"Tch. No stamina." Pushing the dark thoughts down, you followed him to the ground floor to get started on what you were supposedly here to do. More boxes were piled up near the front bay window, some open and others still sealed with packing tape. It felt a bit weird to be taking someone else's belongings out but at the same time, it would serve as a way to learn more about the man, get a deeper sense of personality. Wines were delivered as promised to where you sat cross legged on the carpet, ashtray and cigarettes supplied also, two main components of any kind of work like this. Pulling out an ornate wooden box, you passed it over to the owner with an explanation.

"I don't want to pry."

"If there was anything untoward in there I wouldn't have asked you to help."

"I'm not expecting severed fingers, Levi. Unless you're a closet serial killer?"

"It's always the quiet ones, (F/N)."

"You weren't very quiet upstairs." Nudging him playfully, you grinned as he shook his head, lips pressed together.

"Ok ok. So I'm not a psychopathic murderer based on my bedroom behaviour?"

"Agreed." Clinking glasses in the odd toast, you looked over as he opened up the box slowly.

"See? No fingers." It definitely didn't contain a gruesome collection of trophies, but a stack of keepsakes such as his first ever menu from the initial restaurant, a few photos, nine champagne corks from each opening night. One of the pictures was offered and you held it carefully, examining the pair with a slight pang of sympathy. It was the one Levi had been looking at recently, the snap which showed him at his worst. You didn't know what to say, the slumped figure almost unrecognizable if it hadn't been for the scowl and silvery slits that burnt into the camera, so you went for the next obvious thing.

"Look how young you both are!"

"People age, (F/N)."

"I know, but just look! Straight out of nappies!"

"We weren't that fucking little." You had deftly taken the obvious issue away and Levi noticed, grateful for your discretion. Another one was passed across and you didn't need to be told who this was. The man by your side didn't show any kind of remorse, it was a slice of a happier time and you gave his leg a squeeze.

"She was beautiful, Levi." Red hair and a cheeky smile shone out, the younger female standing showing the peace sign as her friend had his arm casually over her shoulders.

"She was." He didn't seem reticent so you asked a question.

"How did you meet each other?"

"Grew up in the same foster family. Isabel was the closest thing to a sister that I ever had."

"I bet you two got into some trouble."

"Mainly her. I always had to clean up the fucking mess." It was a light hearted conversation so you left his parentage out of the equation. "We had fun."

"It looks like it." Everything was gathered up, stashed safely and you made a suggestion. "It's a nice box. Coffee table?"

"Good idea." Levi kissed the tip of your nose and smirked, shuffling over to give pride of place to his memories. Frames were unearthed and a hammer located, prints hung with you as a supervisor, advising on when to go left a bit, right a bit, up, down, stop. You'd totally forgotten to tell him about today's events and described the altercation between Eren and Reiner earlier as a nail was pounded into the living room wall. Grey eyes held you in place suddenly. "What would you have done if you'd found them mid-fight?"

"I have no idea." The man just nodded once. He understood your need to protect.

"Be careful, (F/N). Bastards like that tend to turn up time and time again."

"I will. Now. Let's get started on the upstairs."

"Bit of a slave driver, aren't you?"

"You wanted help?" Spreading your hands out, palms up in a silent gesture, you smiled and shrugged.

"Fucking hell. Come on then. We can sort out the black tops from the black denims."

"Maybe branch out a bit with your clothes?"

"You're one to fucking talk."

"True."

~~~~~~

That evening had been close to perfect. You'd laughed at a pair of Levi's socks, novelty Christmas ones that he muttered about how he'd never seen them before in his life. All of the boxes had been unpacked, house looking more like a home and then the pair of you cooked together, new skills learnt as he explained each step for your benefit. No more was spoken on the subject of his trip, something you'd managed to forget about until now. It was Wednesday, tomorrow's impending train journey setting your nerves on edge and giving you a chill every time it came to mind. Since that Saturday, you and Levi had either talked or met up every day, sharing your time between one another's abodes and discovering more and more about each other.

You'd shown him your canvasses in the top room, shared some stories of your parents and childhood, even the embarrassing ones. He also gave some insight into his upbringing, the fact he never knew his mum and dad, only blood relative being his uncle who had passed away a few years ago after being pretty much absent throughout his life. In nearly two weeks you had become closer than you could ever have imagined, being in someone's presence so often meaning the real time that had passed was insignificant - it felt like months, in a good way. There hadn't been any instances of your episodes, neither up nor down, mood remaining stable so you could function like a normal human and enjoy the company without concern.

Levi was equally smitten, growing to care even more for you with every passing hour, finding your tales adorable and relishing the regular physical contact between you both. A few playful moments in the kitchen had been shared, dabs of ingredients dotted on noses or cheeks, your ensuing giggles addictive and joyous. All of this added up to the same emotional bundle that sat inside both your souls; comforting and strong admiration. He'd been by the studio a few times too, the relationship gradually being accepted by Erwin who was being broken down bit by bit when he saw how evidently honest the couple's feelings were, no sign of any ill intent. Not that you displayed anything blatant outwardly, but he could tell.

Eren had returned to work after his black eye had gone, happy to walk in with a few faded bruises that served as battle scars, a testament to his love for Armin. They seemed to be more inseparable then before if that was possible, an oddly sweet combination of care and smut, the latter only when the boss wasn't around, though. The trainee was currently working on a new piece, one on a woman's right foot whilst you observed. Keeping quiet, you would say something if needed but he was doing well, using the special needle to create the shading he was so interested in. Mikasa had arrived not long ago, adding to the those already here and providing the switch over in shifts so you could leave for home at six. Her and Annie were going strong too and you smirked as one of Levi's comments came to mind - it really was like a real life dating site in here.

~~~~~~

The dreaded moment was upon you. Standing outside the departure lounge, two bodies clung tightly together after having spent the previous night in a more steamy embrace, saying goodbye in style. Now it was a more sombre occasion and you attempted to hold back tears. Anyone would have thought the man was leaving for three weeks not days but none of them were aware of your misgivings about the situation, deep seated fear gripping your very soul in an incapacitating manner. Levi smoothed your hair down over and over, remaining strong and assuring his woman that everything would be alright, he would return unscathed on Sunday evening. You knew he was right, however the prospect of a crash was one you couldn't shake easily.

An announcement advised it was the last call for anyone travelling to enter the main waiting area and you groaned, looking up to take in every feature on his face, burning it to your organic hard drive. "Good luck, Levi. Call me when you can?"

"Of course I will. International connections can be a bitch, though."

"I know. Just be careful, yea? Come back safe."

"I promise." Kissing as if your life depended on it, you managed to finally drag yourself away, two hands held as he stepped back, fingers touching for as long as possible until contact could no longer be made. Waving, you watched the automatic doors swallow his body up and he disappeared, passport ready to be checked. Fuck. Please let this be just a normal train journey. Please.

Levi took his seat and sighed, pulling out the phone in his pocket and sending a message that he hoped would lighten your heart, make the event seem as mundane as it really was. "Told you. Fucking bored already."

~~~~~~

Saturday evening saw you in high spirits, working the late shift as you had no desire to go to an empty home to sit and wait. Mikasa and Erwin were here, both them and Hange having spent the past couple of days with you when not in the studio. It would have been an upsetting situation if you hadn't come to the realisation that this kind of attention was shown with love and good intentions, now knowing you weren't a burden. Levi had kept in touch as often as possible, grumbling about how noisy the place was and how he wished he'd picked a hotel further from the centre. Everything had gone well by the sounds of it, deals struck and papers signed, premises secured as intended. Work on the new restaurant would begin on Monday, overseen by the man he had selected as manager, leaving him with most of the decisions. Any big choices would be discussed, obviously, but on the whole the guy was trusted to call the shots.

Closing time approached and your friend hugged you tight, black hair tickling at your face. "You gonna be ok tonight (F/N)?"

"Yea, I'm too excited right now to get down about it all, Mik. Stupid, huh?"

"No! Not at all. It's good to have something to look forward to." Grinning, she flashed her best filthy look your way and skipped off to the waiting cab, leaving just you and Erwin behind to tidy everything away, shut the place down for another day. The blonde called over from where stood, some money in his hand.

"(F/N)? Can you finish up, I've got to run over to the 7/11 and pick up a couple of bits quickly? Be back in a minute?"

"Sure thing. I'll lock the door so take your keys." He shook the items in confirmation and left the studio, running off to obtain cleaning supplies. At this time of night you could never be too sure, so you secured the entrance. Last bits tidied, you picked up the waste bags, dealing with those before filling the safe and you pushed the heavy back entry open to throw the rubbish out. Slipping inside again, you let the large wooden door swing back, relying on it's own weight to shut behind you as lights were flicked off, leaving just one on so you could get the cash out of the register and stash it away.

That one choice would prove fatal, trusting physics to take care of safety and you had no time to even curse your stupidity as the sound of another person's footsteps came striding through from behind, sending bursts of cold reality into your bones as an evil laugh made your skin crawl.


	11. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this chapter comes with a warning for triggers, if you might be affected by reading about self harm, please take note. Thank you.

Before you knew what had happened, the one remaining light was extinguished and a strong arm shot out of nowhere, gripping tightly around your neck and holding you up against the wall. You gasped for breath and scratched at the huge hand, looking up at it's owner. The man had a balaclava to conceal any features, but his sleeve had rolled back slightly to reveal all you needed to know. Staring at you was the tattoo you'd done a couple of weeks ago, the one on Reiner.

Dangerous eyes glared out from the black woollen disguise, large grin making you feel sick to the stomach. "Silly, silly girl." His voice dripped with poison and sarcasm, low tone promising nothing but hell on earth. "You should've shut the back door properly, you bitch." At his last word he threw you across the room, body colliding harshly with something solid and you let out a scream of pain and shock. With the lights off you couldn't see where you were, where he was, nothing tangible as spots danced across your vision in response to the bang your head had suffered when meeting the tiled floor.

You struggled to get up and finally caught sight of your attacker where he stood, large hands quickly clearing the register of all that day's takings. Feeling anger at him and yourself for making the monumental error, you tried to crawl towards Reiner, a pathetic attempt at stopping the thief. He shoved cash into his pockets and smirked when he saw what you were doing. A treacherous laugh echoed through the studio, mocking and scornful. "Don't even fucking think about it, whore." The man brought his boot down on your hand, shoe crunching against flesh and bones. Screeching in agony, you closed your eyes tight, sure that this onslaught hadn't finished. He was clearly here for the money primarily, but obviously had a sadistic streak bourne from rage - perhaps this was a kind of revenge for the fight between him and Eren, or maybe just simple opportunity. Sure enough, he brought his foot forward in an arc and kicked you in the jaw, sending your head flying backwards. You tasted blood, intense iron flavour filling your mouth.

The sound of keys stopped him and he fled swiftly out the back, disappearing into the night. Erwin stepped in, unable too see what was going on but aware of the sound of the fire door closing and your groaned response. "Now it fucking shuts." At the sticky sound of your voice, the man ran to turn the lights on, met with the sight of you lying on the floor, blood coming from your mouth, red marks on your neck and body lying in an unnaturally broken position. He rushed to your side, cradling you carefully in strong arms, mumbling apologies for leaving the shop. You weren't listening and began to cry, bitter tears of regret and hatred. It was all your fault, one action of laziness resulting in the hideous situation. How could you have been so idiotic?

Quickly explaining everything to Erwin with sprays of wet red, you saw him reach into his pocket and call the emergency services, all the time chanting about how it wasn't down to you, but in your heart you knew it was. All the day's money gone and you could have been killed, just because you were stupid enough to let the door shut on it's own. Indeed a silly, fucking bitch.

The police had taken statements, paramedics checked you over and Armin's number was provided to lend some background on Reiner. Your injuries were superficial, no breaks so you were allowed to return home instead of visiting hospital. Erwin tried to get hold of Levi a few times, leaving a short message to ask him to call back urgently. He'd also contacted Mikasa to take you home as his car was in the garage, not willing to let you use a cab. All of this happened in a blur, activity going on around you as darkness seeped into your soul, guilt and loathing combining in a whirlpool of disgust. You didn't even remember getting into your friend's ride but you must have, home now coming into view.

The concerned driver held your hand tightly before you could exit, eyes searching your face for any sign of emotion however she found nothing, just a blank stare as she spoke. "Do you want me to come in (F/N)?" You shook your head and plastered on the best smile you could manage, cheeks pulled up into the false gesture.

"I'll be ok, thank you." Mikasa didn't look convinced as you carefully got out the car, body aching and heart heavy. She pointed through the open door and delivered a warning.

"Call me if you need anything. Alright?"

"Save that finger for Annie." She blushed and laughed slightly at your lewd joke, seemingly satisfied that you were capable of remaining sane. You waved as she drove away, smile still sitting dishonestly on your face until she left your view. In a second, the grin dropped and ire swept in, scowl taking over instantly. Once inside you went straight to the kitchen, grabbing the first bottle of strong liquor you came to, not even caring what it was and took your cigarettes and lighter out, placing them on the table. Sitting on the sofa in silence, you lit up and broke the seal on the bottle. No need for a glass, you drank straight from it, chain smoking as your thoughts became even more dark and alarming.

There wasn't a coherent pattern, no internal conversation, just feelings. Disgust. Remorse. Anger. Worthlessness. Spiralling down, they mixed together to create something that was not depression, only pure self revulsion which made you resent your very existence. You didn't know how much time had passed, but you were certainly affected by the alcohol to a degree. Attempts at calling Levi had been made again but to no avail. Fucking foreign connections. Staring intently at the coffee table, your tenuous grip on sanity snapped as you became engulfed by contempt, unable to think clearly about anything other than one shining truth.

In a swift movement you stood, phone in pocket, bottle in hand and walked to the kitchen. Without emotion or any show of life, you grabbed a knife from the block on the counter top and stalked upstairs to the bathroom. Your steps looked like a prowl, measured strides leading to the intended destination. Face unreadable, thoughts empty, you had dangerously zoned out again, no longer in control like this for the first time in ages. Standing in front of the sink, dull eyes looked up at your reflection in the cabinet mirror. The hallway light was on and it shone over you, bathing the surroundings in a soft, subtle light that betrayed the harshness that was to come.

Taking a final swig from the bottle, you placed it to the side, a familiar feeling setting in over you, heart racing with adrenaline, hands clammy. You spoke to yourself inside your head, internal voice growling as you still stared into the polished mirror, despising what was glaring back. "Stupid. Fucking. Worthless. Cunt. Bitch. Whore. Freak. Stupid. Fucking. FUCK." You mentally shouted the last word, bringing the knife down at the same time, connecting with the inside of your lower left arm. The blade clattered into the sink loudly, staining the water that had dripped from your tap slowly during the day with blood. You held on to the ceramic bowl, no pain, breathing measured, feeling liquid drip down your skin as serenity washed over you.

Eyes slid shut and the sensation of relief was calming, letting everything out in that singular sweep of violence to create a sweet release which encompassed everything for a moment, provided balance to the world. And then reality began to announce itself, small trickles that made you realise the gravity of what had just happened, how you had been so weak as to do this again, succumbed to a base reaction which would have ramifications on people other than yourself. They'd hate you for it, see only stupidity and recklessness where before there had been a stable psyche. Those closest to you would be so disappointed.

You eventually sat down heavily on the bathroom floor and began to sob, loud forceful cries racking your body which was now shivering as tears streamed down your face. (H/C) hair hung in front of your face, appearance no doubt wretched to mirror the pathetic mood. Any effects of the alcohol had left you the instant the knife came down and regretful trails of salt water fell from wet lashes. Your pocket vibrated incessantly and you jumped, having totally forgotten the phone was even in there. Looking at the screen, an international number shone out, a landline and you answered the call.

"(F/N)? What's happened? I've got missed calls from you and Erwin and a message I couldn't fucking make out, are you ok?" His voice was distant but you could still hear the hint of fear, an unwelcome sound that was all because of your actions, all down to you. Crying loudly, you almost wailed in to the phone.

"Oh Levi, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry..." You repeated it time and time again in a mantra, hoping the words would erase everything. A steady tone whispered over the crackly line, calming you, soothing with nonsense words and shushes. You pulled yourself together, sniffing and breath hitching in your chest. At the other end of the conversation, the man scowled down at the small night stand in his hotel room but remained steadfast.

"(F/N)? Tell me everything, from the start." In stuttered sentences, you explained the break in, lost money, the whole story up until the point that you got into Mikasa's car. He listened carefully, not interrupting, just taking it all in. Inwardly he was enraged, vowing to hunt down the cunt who had laid his hands on you. As you finished recounting the events of the evening, the line went silent. You thought you'd lost connection but then you heard a fuzzy snap and his composed drawl.

"(F/N), listen to me. First things first, put the phone on the floor and patch yourself up." You didn't even question just how the fuck he knew what you'd done, just hummed in obedience and laid the device on cold tiles. Going to the cabinet, you rummaged through your medicines, pulling out the items needed to fix this fucking mess. Quickly and with a professional air, you cleaned the offended area - the cut wasn't too big but it was deep. Pushing your skin together, you applied some sticky strips gently, essentially holding the wound shut with adhesive. The bleeding stopped and a bandage was secured tightly, tied off at the end due to the lack of any pins.

Levi could hear you rustling around and dragged his hand over his eyes. The apology he had been given was nothing to do with the attack and he recognised the pleading in your voice; that was for something else entirely, something he made an educated and sadly correct guess at. Angry thoughts cursed the guy who had touched you, berating himself also for not being there. Of course he couldn't have been, sod's law dictates that whenever someone is in need, you're always too fucking far away to help, cruel fate in action. He felt no resentment towards the woman who sounded like she was in the bathroom, he knew how she would be feeling, already full of self hatred and the pale man could only pray that there would be no shame added into what was already undoubtedly a fraught mind. Staring intently at the floor without blinking, Levi felt a sting in his grey orbs, gritting his teeth to hold himself together for your sake.

Finished with the quick procedure, you picked the phone up off the floor, noticing with a flash of repentance that you would need to clean the blood from down here at some point. And from the sink. "Levi, I…" You were cut off by a determined hiss.

"I want you to listen to me now and listen well. You are not to blame for this. That prick knew how much fucking cash that place takes and probably wanted payback. He was going to get in one way or another, (F/N)." A pause followed what was likely the truth, however you found it hard to tell yourself if was real. "I'll change my train and get an earlier one tomorrow."

"N-no! Please don't change…"

"I'm not listening to that shit, (F/N). Nothing is going to happen, you hear me? Nothing." Levi didn't want to be so brusque but he needed to get across how this was not a negotiation and your fear was unfounded. A glass clink could be heard from his end of the line and you surmised that he'd raided the mini bar. You knew it was ridiculous to believe that amending a journey meant certain death, yet the ball of nerves refused to leave you alone. He must think I'm such a fucking dick, you grumbled inside. Stupid, scared little girl who's afraid of her own shadow, can't even keep it together for three fucking days. As if he read your mind, the low tone returned. "I'm not annoyed at you (F/N), I just want to be there. I don't feel any differently than before, I'm not going to run for the fucking hills. I'm coming home." You managed a wan smile.

"Ok. Thank you. Sorry."

"Don't fucking apologise." Your conversation didn't last much longer and when he was satisfied that you were calmed sufficiently, he ordered rest, get to bed and recoup. Taking the advice, you did just that and with the remnants of liquor still hanging over your brain, sleep came surprisingly easy.

In his hotel room, Levi sat on the edge of the bed, hair hanging over his downturned face. He took a swig from the small bottle and shook his head, expression grim as plans for returning the favour to Reiner spun into his mind, eclipsing any sorrow and keeping him from unravelling. Suddenly he sat up straight, determination in his steely eyes as he set about arranging a ticket on an earlier service, also calling Erwin to get him round to yours. He didn't want you to be alone.

You were asleep when the blonde arrived and he crept upstairs and into the bathroom. Levi had told him everything and how your voice had an echo, indicating that you had probably been in there. Opening the door, his heart dropped at the sight of blood on the floor, knife in the sink and the bottle on the side. Quietly he cleaned up, not wanting you to wake up to the scene and left a note inside your bedroom door to advise of his presence - scaring you was not his intention. Blue eyes looked at your sleeping form, still fully clothed and he scanned over the bruises on your neck and face, the bandage on your arm. Similarly to his friend, he wanted to catch the mother fucker that attacked you, but that could wait. Placing a kiss on your forehead, he closed the door and got settled in your guest room.

Sleep came hard for Levi, tossing and turning thinking about everything that had gone on, the beating, the self harm, how far away he was right now. Erwin had called one last time to let him know he was at yours, everything sorted and that you were deep in slumber. Details of his early train back had been shared along with thanks, furious at himself that he couldn't be the one to do it. Finally, in the small hours of the morning, fatigue took over his stressed body and he drifted into a troubled dream state.

~~~~~~

Eyes struggled to open as pain shot through your head. You felt broken. It took a few seconds for the events of yesterday to come crashing in and you felt a familiar stinging pain on your arm. "Fuck." Holding the throbbing limb up, that same sense of disgrace tugged violently, bandage serving as a reminder of what you'd done. Struggling out of bed, you made for the bathroom, noticing the note Erwin had left to let you know he was here. You smiled weakly at your friend's caring actions and went to try and fix yourself up. Teeth brushed and face washed, you combed your (h/c) hair and only then did you realise the unexpected visitor must have cleaned up in here. You felt so much love for the older man who had taken over as the father figure in your life, at a loss to understand how you had been so lucky.

Looking at the clock you saw it was already 11, an hour until the studio opened although work was not on the agenda today. You remembered Levi saying he would be getting an earlier train and wondered when that would be, prickly horror trying to surface and tell you the worst had happened, he wasn't coming back. Swallowing that down, still wearing yesterday's clothes you approached the top of the stair case to hear hushed voices, recognising both instantly. Hurrying as fast as your aching body could, you ran towards the two men, tears streaming before any attempt could be made stop them as you saw Levi and Erwin standing together, travel bag by the smaller male's feet suggesting he had only recently arrived.

He turned and you flew into his arms, gripping on in a tight embrace. Hands stroked your head, rubbed your back as lips kissed at your neck telling you it was ok, he was here, it was alright. The studio owner joined in, throwing his expansive grip around both of you, pushing breath from two sets of lungs.

"Jesus Erwin, steady on."

"Sorry Levi, I just…I…" He squeezed harder, unable to finish and you moved to include him in the group hug. After a minute, cobalt eyes looked seriously into grey ones, unspoken words passing between them and the pale man left you with a small smile, moving to the kitchen to boil the kettle. Erwin stared down at your puffy, tired face and sighed, hands resting gently on your shoulders.

"You had us worried, (F/N). Don't let the absolute dick that broke in last night ruin you. He's not worth it. He's a stain of shit on my shoe and we will make him pay. But for now, just go easy on yourself. Please. No blame, no guilt." Eyes welling up again at his words, you held your friend tightly.

"Thank you Erwin. I'm sorry." He shook his head, frown pulling his huge brows together.

"No need to say sorry. You did nothing wrong. I shouldn't have left."

"It's not your fault."

"Nor is it yours, (F/N). Why don't you go shower and change, hmm?" He had noticed dried blood on your arm and didn't want Levi to see it too. You agreed with his suggestion and went to comply. Erwin walked to the kitchen, looking over at his friend. The man seemed even smaller, slouching instead of his usual commanding posture. His face was ragged, darker than normal circles under his eyes and a look of sorrow deep on his features. The sight of your injuries had hit him hard, seeing the woman he was growing closer to by the day like that had affected him profusely.

Erwin placed a large arm round his companion's shoulders, hand patting. "She'll be ok, Levi but she needs us to be there for her. Don't let her see your pain, not yet. (F/N) blames herself and if she notices you like that, it's going to make it worse." His words rang true, raven haired male now standing up straighter.

"You're right. Always fucking are." The grumble earned him a laugh, hearty sound travelling upstairs to where you prepared for a shower. It lifted your heart slightly; you didn't want people tip toeing on eggshells. Undressing, you looked in the mirror, an angry bruise forming on your lower back from where you'd been thrown against something, red marks on your neck still. Reaching to touch the morbid welts lightly, it reminded you of the man's hand, the blows that caused your jaw and cheek to be tainted too. Your left hand was traced by purple lines from the foot that connected there and slowly you undid the bandage, exposing the thin red line on your arm. The strips had done their work, closing the wound into a small slice as opposed to the open flesh that had been there before, healing process already beginning.

Shaking your head, you stepped into the shower, warm water soothing your aches, lather of gel washing away the feeling of your attacker. Drying off, you pulled on jeans and a baggy t-shirt, wet locks brushed through and you drifted down to the comforting smell of coffee, deep regret filling your being with no sign of abating any time soon.

~~~~~~

You were curled up on the sofa into Levi's warmth, his hand playing with your hair. Erwin sat on the matching over sized chair, TV on quietly in the background. Your eyes felt heavy, previous sleep full of nightmares and you cuddled further into your human pillow's chest, arm loosely round him. The man's head leant back on the couch, having had little rest himself and his lids kept dropping. He had a protective grip on you, holding tight and the blonde took this as a cue to leave, turning the sound on the screen down and creeping out the front door to leave you two alone.

It was dark when you awoke, hours having passed by and you glanced up at Levi. He sat watching some trashy programme vacantly and noticed your movement, tilting his head to look down, smiling lightly. "Hey there, sleepyhead."

"Fuck, how long was I out?" He looked at the clock. It was 6.07pm.

"About five hours" You sighed, a look of pain clouding your eyes. "Levi, I'm sor…" A soft kiss stopped the words.

"Didn't you listen to Erwin earlier? No blame, no guilt, right?"

"But…" He cut you off again with his lips.

"No buts. No ifs. Listen to me (F/N), you're fucking strong. You can rise above this. Ok?" Listening to his speech, you nodded. He was right, you knew it however hanging on to that reality was like climbing a greased pole - impossible. Instinctively, you buried your face into his form and breathed deeply. Arms held on gently, rocking you as whispered, supportive words came in waves, noises that helped but couldn't quite get through the ever thickening wall of depression to reach you yet.

~~~~~~

Four days. That's how long the crippling darkness had kept it's claws in for, four long days which consisted of little more than sleeping. Levi had been with you for almost the whole time, running home for clothes once but remaining by your side other than that. It was comforting and upsetting all in one, frayed mind needing the company yet hating that requirement and the weakness that kept him tied to you, persuading you to eat and tending to essentials such as washing and dressing. You had no energy, no desire to move as a storm took up residence inside, mental wind absent and unable to blow the squally black lumps away. All you could manage was the odd grunted word from your new home on the sofa, eyes devoid of anything but aching emptiness. He would leave soon. Realise this wasn't worth the hassle and go. It was only a matter of time and who could blame him?

Levi on the other hand had no intention of any such thing, taking care of you without question. You'd been very candid before any of this began, laid the cards down openly in a show of admirable honesty so he knew what he was getting into. He'd let go of any of his internal anger, the emotion coming from the fact he was absent at such a crucial time - these things happened and he had more important things to think about. Despite the one-sided nature of the conversations, he kept up a constant dialogue, speaking about what was going on at work, keeping in touch with that via phone and talking you through things he was doing, programmes on TV and such like. It was important to him to have you know he was there, orbiting always and ready for when you wanted to talk. Naturally, Levi was incredibly worried, hoping the day would come soon where he could hear your voice properly, hold your hand and have the strength reciprocated. But he waited patiently, aware that this would pass.

After discussing things with Erwin, arrangements had been made so Wednesday evening saw a small crowd in the house, all of your friends from the studio filling the living area with life and chatter. They all visited the figure on the couch, remaining light and letting you know they were here if needed. Levi had taken a chance and made this happen, pushing people upon you with one goal in mind - recovery.

You looked over from your now upright position, (e/c) flashes gazing upon those you loved, all gathered together in your home, drinking and talking like nothing was wrong. Was anything wrong? Was it about fucking time you started to put hand over hand and ascend the ladder? A spark of impatience dragged into your heart, banging and knocking for attention, making noises along the lines of how much you wanted to join in, be with everyone and find out how they were, ask after their well-being and hold a normal fucking conversation. Apathy gave way to annoyance and you frowned, chest a little less tight than it had been half an hour ago.

Levi sat down next to you, hand on yours and you grabbed it fervently, digging your nails in unintentionally but he had never felt such an enjoyable sense of pain in his life. He met your steady gaze and thought he might explode if you didn't speak soon, the determination evident in your glare. "Levi?" The sound of his name was exquisite, rolling off your tongue like sugar coated drops of sunshine.

"Yes?"

"I think I need to start my meds again." The man nodded slowly, not mentioning your former reticence at having tablets nearby. You did that for him. "I'm not scared of them anymore."

"Good. How are you doing?"

"I'm pissed off."

"At what?"

"Reiner. Myself."

"(F/N)…"

"No Levi, not like that. I'm annoyed that I can't fucking get up."

"That'll come soon."

"Yea." It was strangely exhausting to be pelted mentally for so long, physical side effect often taking longer to disperse than the other. When you came out of these sinister episodes, it was usually like a sudden switch which allowed you to see things for what they really were, however the ability to return to normality took time. "I'm kind of hungry." Such a simple proclamation caused immense joy inside the man, a genuine smile crossing his lips which made you attempt the same, however lethargy prevailed and you ended up just opening your mouth a bit.

"That is so fucking cute."

"What?"

"Was that supposed to be a smile, (F/N)?"

"Look. I don't have it in me to elbow you in the gut so can you pretend that I did?"

"Whatever you say." As he had done so often over the past few days, Levi brought your frail form into a hug, chest bursting as he felt hands limply press into his waist. It was a wonderful sensation and he closed his eyes, relishing the touch he craved which had recently been denied. Now it was back, he'd never take it for granted again. The others were looking over with their own grins, aware of the chat taking place and as they saw the embrace it signalled a change for the better. Hange couldn't contain herself, fists balled up at her sides and ready to uncoil. It didn't take long.

"Oh my god, I think I'm going to cry!"

"Please don't."

"But Erwin, come on!"

"Hey, if you start crying then I will too."

"Eren, you big softie! That's gonna set me off even more!"

"Seriously guys?" Annie, soulless as ever.

"It is sweet, though."

"Armin, you think kittens in bow ties are sweet." And there was Mikasa. Everyone here was talking, filling the room with sounds unheard for what seemed like forever. Neither you nor Levi paid much attention though, staying melded together and making up for lost time as you pulled him even closer, arms containing more strength already.


	12. Moving On

Staring at the packets, you took a deep breath and reacquainted yourself with the instructions for these tablets after having just been interrogated by the doctor. He hadn't seen you for a while and wanted to find out exactly why the drugs had been ceased, especially seeing as you now sported a new self inflicted injury. The bruises on your neck had faded enough to be unnoticed by the regular passer-by, face almost healed too. A week after the attack and the only clear sign of anything untoward was the thin line on your arm that needed no kind of covering or assistance now, skin able to knit together and form a somewhat itchy, raw scar.

The medic you had seen an hour ago was stern and insistent, rather hypocritically so - if he had been that bothered, why didn't he ever try to contact you when your prescriptions remained unfilled? Perhaps it wasn't down to him, not part of his job remit but all the same you felt a pang of resentment towards him. Nevertheless, he had passed over the slip of paper and instructed you to seriously consider seeking professional help. That wouldn't be happening, past attempts had been futile, only serving to make you more introverted so instead you chose to take the small pills and trust your instinct along with those around you.

Tomorrow you would be returning to work, a nice short Sunday shift to ease you back in and honestly, you were looking forward to it, surrounding yourself once more with close, supportive friends and a familiar setting. The grip of depression had eased, leaving behind a faint trail of fatigue which was being overcome slowly but surely, mental disposition back to normal already. A tight but gentle hold was around your waist from where Levi stood behind, also reading the small leaflets to give an understanding into the medication you would shortly recommence ingesting. He wanted to be as informed as possible, aware of the side effects and any unwanted things that may occur - you might not recognise anything was happening so he had to be ready.

After Wednesday's impromptu gathering the two of you had spoken at length into the night, establishing facts and setting down some ground rules; you were not to apologise for it, he was not to feel bad for being elsewhere. Moving forward, if you ever became uneasy with having the capsules in your home he would keep them, in essence drip feed the items to you daily. If in the event the man was not around, Erwin would become the next in line and so on. It hopefully wouldn't come to that, the resolve you had to keep afloat from now on was strong but you both knew that despite best intentions, things went wrong from time to time. Any changes in personality that were picked up would be tackled straight away; similarly if you felt strange or different, another conversation would take place.

This is what had been lacking before, an agreement between you and another trusted person that signified a real bond, solid and clear lines drawn in the sand to ensure everything was ok. A month ago you would've been horrified, incensed with yourself for needing this kind of treatment but Levi was very emphatic on one particular issue - this did not make you any less of a person, this did not make him your carer, this did not change a thing for the worse. If truth be told, it actually further cemented your relationship, how you were ready to accept assistance without saying sorry all the time and how he was more than willing to give that aid unquestioningly. It was rather liberating.

"So is it one a day?"

"Yes, of this one." Holding up the next pack, you rattled them in their tiny blister houses. "These are one a day at first but I have to increase it after a week." Thankfully, you'd been given the same ones as before, the only combination that seemed to work and didn't make you feel dizzy or sick. Also they didn't take too long to have an effect.

"You ready for this, (F/N)?" Spinning in the hug, you faced Levi and nodded slowly.

"I have to be. I can't handle this shit anymore." The rapid cycles that came with your condition were exhausting, beating you down every time each side of the coin made an appearance. Grey eyes looked down softly as a heartfelt smile was offered, a real show that this was the right course of action. He was unbelievably proud and tucked (h/c) strands behind your ear in soft strokes, trying to convey his emotions in the simple move. You turned to pick up the water that sat waiting, dispatching two tablets quickly and without ceremony. It had started, what would be at least months if not years of this action.

The day had been spent full of light touches and kisses, chats held on the sofa about inconsequential things along with details on the new restaurant. Progress was on course, the interior nearly complete already. Levi had called in workers that he'd used before, ones he knew would get the job done efficiently and fuss-free. Given the tight schedule, that kind of activity was essential, opening night just two weeks away.

"Have you got all the staff figured out?" Mumbling from where you were pressed against the man's side, fingers trailed up and down your back in an almost ticklish sensation, goosebumps springing across your skin.

"Mm hmm. All ready to go unless one of them fucking bails on me."

"Does that really happen?"

"Surprisingly often, (F/N)." Levi sniffed in disdain and shuffled to change position, laying back so you were snuggled in deeper. "I want you to come."

"What, to Paris?"

"Yes." You were both surprised yet flattered, then all of a sudden anxious and concerned.

"On the train?"

"Push outside your boundaries." It seemed so simple and in the spirit of change, you agreed.

"You're right, Levi. I'd love to come."

"Of course I'm right. And you know you'll have to wear a fucking dress?"

"Yea, I guessed. One night won't hurt." Raising your head, you gave another genuine smile and leant in, body half over his as a tender kiss was shared. Lips pressed together, sedate at first but it quickly became more heated, hands searching and running through hair, feeling flesh, rediscovering curves and muscles. Lack of energy had been a factor along with acting in the interest of taking things easy, so the two of you hadn't been intimate since the day before Levi left on his business trip, time spent on more subtle shows of affection. That seemed to have been forgotten now, hearts ignited and you pushed impatiently at the man's top, palms caressing his body and almost burning with desire.

You pulled back and gazed into silver wells that shone brightly, sparks dancing inside which made your chest tighten at the sight. No words were exchanged, no queries on whether this was ok - you both knew it was time and Levi stared up at the life in your beautiful (e/c) eyes, everything he needed to see right there in those captivating hues. Rising, the pair of you walked to the first floor, hands held tightly and small smiles on your faces as the bedroom was reached. You lay together fully clothed, a lack of urgency displayed as tongues got to know each other again in slow sweeps, curling and forming their own embrace.

Eventually breaking for air, you watched the slightly breathless man as he carefully dragged your t-shirt upwards, wriggling to provide access for the item to be removed along with your bra and a hand brushed against your flesh, relishing the warmth. He dealt with his own upper clothing, chests coming into contact as that same lazy kiss started up, quiet sighs bouncing through the room. Denims were removed with equally tranquil sweeps, underwear discarded until two naked forms tangled together, light caresses swapped in place of your often feverish clutches. Levi reached over to the night stand, item obtained and secured swiftly, eyes locked on yours while unvoiced feelings flew through the short space between the two adoring stares.

Slow and mild, he entered you, capturing every sensation and letting out a small moan. You gasped and rolled up to meet his deep penetration, as close as a pair of bodies could get, as linked as two souls could become. A steady pace began, docile and peaceful, full of nothing but benevolent passion. Cradling the back of your head, Levi slipped his other hand around to press into the base of your spine, bringing you nearer as your own touch rubbed smoothly across his muscular shoulders. Bending at the knee, you raised your leg, foot on the sheets to provide a means in which to match the still almost humble thrusts.

Unlike any previous instances, the two of you dispensed with your usual vocal cries, instead choosing to whisper one another's names, interspersed by the occasional groan or sharp intake of breath. It wasn't just sex, it was much, much more, a way to give yourselves fully and bare your deepest emotions without the need for words. Maintaining the exquisite speed, you felt the beginnings of a tightness below, stomach twinkling in incredible waves of enjoyment and a low hum of impending satisfaction escaped your lips. You could see the way Levi's gaze became clouded, mouth sliding against yours as hips became quicker but not pounding, only enough to lend that extra burst of friction to what was nearing an end.

The man lowered his head to yours, noses barely touching and air mixing in increasingly short pants, soft moans expelled with each grind. He was on the edge of reason, ready to give in to the delicious moment and finally spoke fully. "(F/N)…god (F/N)…let me…"

"Ohhh Levi please…yes…" Coherent thought flew from your pleasured mind and your eyes widened, body shaking as bright, sweet release triggered within and sent you reeling, orgasm causing you to call out his name with force. He felt pressure and freedom all at once, reaching his own climax the instant you opened your mouth to shout, his own growl joining the feminine one with immense exhilaration. As the high spread through your beings, erratic thrusts concluded the caring moment, drawing out the sensation and slowing to come to a strong halt. Dragging in breaths, you stayed connected, wonder in two sets of orbs and joy in a couple of racing hearts. Levi almost said something more but stopped short, leaving just a singular word.

"(F/N)…." Soft kisses rained down on wet lips, pecks not hungry, only full of admiration. He rolled to the side, condom discarded but came straight back, bare bodies becoming one again in a gentle embrace. "Fuck, I've missed you."

"I missed you too, Levi." There was no need to discuss the physical exchange, no point in swapping your thoughts on what had just happened or pass comment on how amazing it had been, all you had to do was lie together and let silence do the job.

~~~~~~

"(F/N)!" Hange had attached herself to you tightly, acting like she hadn't seen you in months where in fact she'd been over to visit on Friday. Smiling kindly, you accepted the attention which had been lavished upon you the moment you stepped through the studio door at midday on Sunday, Erwin's blue eyes shining over with appreciation. The reports received from Levi at the start of the week hadn't been very encouraging, as was to be expected, however he had been pleasantly surprised by the events of Wednesday evening, something that had delivered you here today, on the way to becoming whole again. He glanced up and shared a nod with his friend, the pale man having escorted you on the walk to work. Everything seemed to be ok.

The two males held a hushed conversation while you chatted to Hange, hands squeezing at you to make sure that the person before her was real. Oblivious to the other exchange, you spoke in a relatively animated way, the last nails of fatigue being pulled out of the coffin one by one to leave you pain free. "Been busy here?"

"We were yesterday, (F/N). Some guy wanted his cock done so I pointed him in Erwin's direction."

"Did he do it?"

"Of course! That man will tattoo anything."

"True. Were you too shy?"

"Me? Shy? No way! I just didn't want blondie to get jealous." You laughed lightly at the woman's reasoning and Levi tilted his head at the noise, such a wonderful sound, one which he had been without for what felt like weeks. Turning his attention back to the task at hand, he spoke in low tones.

"So what did Armin say?"

"His full name is Reiner Braun. Bully and all round piece of shit."

"(F/N) said he was a builder?"

"Yep. Working on the new offices not far from here."

"A lot of industrial accidents happen on those fucking sites."

"Levi, what are you suggesting?"

"Exactly what it sounds like, Erwin." They smiled in a kind of evil pact, brains ticking over with the hows and the whats. It had to be good, no culpability that could be traced back. Quick and covert. "You still have that friend on the force?"

"He's not my friend. But yes, I have his details."

"Can he help?"

"I'll sort it out, might need some persuasion."

"Dirty cops always fucking do. I can take care of that. How much?"

"Well, he's quite green still so probably not a lot." The man referred to had been something of a rival a couple of years ago, someone who wanted to forge an heroic name for himself and made it his mission to hang around waiting for Erwin to make a wrong move. He watched for shows of too much violence when the large blonde still took security jobs in the evenings to supplement the takings at the tattoo parlour, penchant for a self righteous display of power almost getting him in serious trouble. It had all ended when the policeman had been spotted taking a bribe from a questionable looking drug dealer. That had flipped the tables and gave the bouncer the upper hand, a person at his disposal to be called upon when needed. Just like now.

Sealing the deal with a hand shake, two determined faces turned to get back to normality, show no sign of their arrangement. Despite being a relatively slow day of the week, everyone would be in at some point, all wanting to welcome you back and join in with the recovery, provide support. Levi knew this and had a few things to take care of at the restaurant, some calls to make in regard to the new venture and he decided to get things done now. Hange had been removed from your body at last and she grinned when your man approached, rushing off to leave the pair alone in the front of the shop.

"I'm going to shoot off, (F/N). Got shit loads of fuck ups to sort out."

"Ok Levi." Arms wrapped around your body and pulled you in close as you slid your hands into the back pockets of his denims.

"Trying to steal from me?"

"No, just getting in a final grope before you go."

"Much more satisfying." Kissing gently, you squeezed your fingers in, smirk felt on the lips that pressed onto yours. "Alright, you don't want to break the skin."

"Sorry. I can't help it." There had been a change since yesterday, gears shifting up a notch to send you both into new territory, neither being able to fathom not having the other person nearby. It was a strange, devouring sensation, but a pleasant one.

"Tch. Such a naughty girl." The purring voice sent shivers through you, shameless flirting that made it seem like you were back in his place of work, eating your way through the various dishes as a few lewd words were spoken. Smiling with a sweet innocence that was laced in mischief, you lowered your eyelids and pinned him in place with the demure gaze.

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"You really don't want to hear what I'm fucking thinking right now, (F/N)."

"Well, you'll just have to show me later then." It was his turn to feel coldness creep over his skin in anticipation, finding it extremely difficult to drag himself away from you.

"Don't tempt me." Mouths came together briefly in between the rest of his speech, hungry nips stolen where possible. "I have to go…sort out…the fucking mess…stupid idiots…can't get an order…right…"

"Do you…have to…?"

"Mmm…yea…stoppit…" Finally regaining the ability to move, Levi stepped away just at the right moment, bell announcing a customer who really didn't need to be greeted by a pair of sexually charged humans. "See you later, (F/N)."

"Bye, Levi." Waving him off with a sigh, you moved to make a proper introduction to the new client, watched by two friends out the back.

"They look so happy."

"And a bit handsy."

"Oh Erwin, you think they're fifteen or something?"

"I suppose not." Inside, he spoke to himself, a hint of incredulity to the internal voice - it appeared that Levi was capable of feelings after all.

The others had turned up during the day, three workers and one who always followed, four people to make up the numbers. Closing time was nearly here and you cleaned up efficiently, wiping down surfaces with a small smile, content and glad you'd been able to see a shift through without becoming tired at all. It was a positive sign. Eren had been on top form, buzzing around the studio and keeping everyone on their toes, almost spilling inks and knocking over the decorative ornaments on the counter as his whirlwind personality sped through the space. Armin remained quiet but spoke to everyone in turn, personal conversations held at his own pace. Mikasa had been pinned to you when possible, probing for details on what had apparently been a sweet farewell, causing you to blush ridiculously and Annie didn't help much either, adding her own brand of smut into the chats. All of this served to solidify the sense of family, a group of people bonded closely.

You hadn't felt strange being back here after the attack, no apologies given as instructed but you had paid Erwin for the lost takings, it was the least you could do and the funds were readily available. He didn't try to refuse, only accepted graciously to avoid an awkward kind of argument. Levi was hovering by the front door having returned an hour ago like he was waiting for something. Frowning, you tried to figure out what he was up to and stashed your items in the drawers, all tidy and ready to go tomorrow for the early shift. A small crowd was now gathered by the exit, slight confusion on their faces as they were denied access to leave. Actually, not all of them looked lost, the large male was smiling a bit wider than usual.

Joining the group, you shouldered your bag and held up questioning hands. "Are we being held prisoner?"

"No, just waiting for you."

"Why, Levi?"

"Because we're all going out." It was Erwin who answered this time and a few words of surprise were voiced - where? Why?

"Just shut up and come on." The dark haired man might have still been a relative newcomer to some of your friends, however recent events had shown him in a favourable light, part of the unit already.

"Oh shorty, always such a gentleman." Hange was graced with a tut and the middle finger, eliciting laughs as the studio was secured, lock engaged and shutters down. The small band of friends were led through the city streets, headed by you and the guy who was in on this secret trip. He pulled you in sideways for a quick hug, light kiss on your cheek before muttering quietly.

"They'd better fucking behave themselves."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Staying tight-lipped, Levi graced you with a smirk and just kept going, excited chatter coming from behind. Only the two older men knew what was happening, other plans formed along with their more sinister ones. Grey eyes looked forwards as he considered the darker scheme and how it all hinged on paying a member of the police force to do what they wanted, ask no questions and carry out an illegal activity. From what Erwin had said, this would likely be the one and only chance to use the guy, cashing in the chips all at the same time and going for broke. It would work, it had to. Shaking away the mental cobwebs, he noted that the destination had been reached and took out a set of keys.

You gazed up and realised where you were - back at Levi's restaurant but by the front door this time, most lights off and no queue of patrons today. "Where is everyone?"

"I closed early."

"Why?"

"Stop with all the questions and get the hell in." Shooting a pretend glare of annoyance his way, you smiled all the same and stepped through the entrance, followed by a line of non-paying customers as the place was locked up again. The smell of food drifted from what you knew was a vast kitchen and one table had been set in the corner, all the others cleaned and stacked with chairs. It was like walking into somewhere at midnight, everything shut down and stashed yet in reality it was probably only half five in the evening. Whispers and gasps sounded out as the group took in their surroundings, plush furnishings along with expensive looking artwork on the walls. One voice rang louder than the others, giggles springing from everyone else at Eren's admission.

"Erm, I don't think I belong in a place like this?"

"Just don't fucking break anything."

"I'm not that bad, am I Levi?"

"From what I've heard, most definitely." More laughter ensued as seats were taken, candle light mixing with one soft bulb from above to create a cosy little nook for you all as the owner rushed off out the back.

"This is amazing! Look at these plates!"

"Hange, that warning goes for you too."

"Erwin, be nice." Good natured banter hung around the table and you sat back, watching those you held dear enjoying themselves, grins wide and spirits high. It was a perfect end to what could have been a stressful day, however returning to work was just what you needed. Normality. A figure swept back into the main area, strong arms full of bottles that were placed delicately onto the surface as he slid in next to you to deal with the corks. Wine flowed and a low drawl spoke in your ear.

"Can you have any?"

"Not recommended but a bit won't hurt."

"You sure?" He'd read the warnings along with you, saw how alcohol, a depressant by nature, could dampen the effects of your medication. It didn't scream abstinence, only suggested discretion. As long as he was by your side, any unwanted signs could be monitored and tackled.

"Yea, it'll be fine. I drank when I took them before."

"And?"

"If I keep it sensible, no trouble." A nod was given and your glass filled. You weren't trying to cause any harm to yourself, not knocking back harsh liquor to mix with the chemicals already inside, just having a pleasant drink with company. It was a very different mind set. Someone appeared from the kitchens, pristine white clothes and hat denoting he was high up in the staff chain, trolley pushed over containing the first course of the meal. This happened about five times, exquisite offerings as delicious as those you'd sampled before and those gathered were full of praise, increasing volume of the conversation denoting light hearted dialogues as stories were shared, anecdotes swapped back and forth. Annie seemed to be saying something wholly inappropriate as Mikasa changed colour, jerking slightly as you presumed a hand had been placed somewhere under the table where it shouldn't be.

This was peace, surrounded by close friends that were now your family, all having fun and smiling. You felt it might be a good time to make something of a speech and took a deep breath, dessert finished and plates already cleared. "Umm…" All eyes were on you as the hubbub of discussion faded, glasses placed down and you shifted uncomfortably. Levi knew what was coming, could sense it and took your hand tightly, squeezing to provide a sense of safety. You had never been great at speaking in front of people but these weren't just random humans, so you swallowed down the trepidation.

"I…I wanted to say thank you. Everyone. I couldn't have gotten through this without you." The silence was deafening but you carried on. "I know what I did hurt you all, and I'm s…" The grip below became stronger and you glanced into silver pools that shone with a kind of reminder. Sighing, you shook your head and let out a small laugh. "Alright, I'm not apologising. I'm, well…" No other word seemed to fit the bill as neatly as 'sorry' and you faltered, unable to continue.

"We know, (F/N). Don't worry. We get it." The raven haired woman smiled in support from across the table and she nodded, taking the difficult sentence from you and making it right.

"And you don't have to thank us. We're all here for each other, honey."

"Thanks Hange."

"Didn't she just say you don't have to thank us?"

"I know Eren, but what else can I say?"

"Maybe you've already said what you need to, (F/N). Everyone understands." Armin's soft tone made sense, alleviating the lack of vocabulary you had been struck down with.

"You're right. I…fuck."

"Just stop now before you make her well up again." Erwin pointed to the woman by his side, the one whose glasses were off already as she rubbed at her face.

"Too late." Laughing, Annie patted her sometimes crazed friend on the back, providing absolutely no help whatsoever as a wail came out in stutters.

"B-but I can't help it! You guys...you're all my special little babies, it's so nice to have you here together, everyone happy and smiling…"

"You're not, four eyes."

"I am, Levi! I'm really really happy."

"Then stop sniffing and get a fucking grip." Laughter joined the abating sobs and you looked over to see the smile on your man's face, one which was hidden behind his wine but you saw it. The dramatic show of gratitude hadn't exactly gone as you planned, however it seemed to have been translated correctly, the knowing glances from those around displaying recognition. Armin was correct - nothing else needed to be said on the subject and you relaxed, contented in the moment. A not wholly serious argument had begun, debate on who was the softest of the lot, after Hange of course, so you took the chance and leant sideways.

"Thanks for this, Levi."

"My pleasure. After all, I did still owe you a dinner date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a break on this one for a bit but will add to it in the future...

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for all the posts today, I'm on a roll :)


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